Bereavement Support Group

Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.

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vader 08/27/2010

I havent gone to church in Gods knows when.I am a Creole Catholic and I was raised different.but I find that organized religion of any kind is rude crude and full of hyprocrites.I saw the minister the other day and what do you think he said to me..."why arent you in church?" and I had to think of something to say without causing conflict.First of all.....in my church every 4th sunday...we collect for the missions.We had a big collection for the people in Haiti and in fact...the money basket was passed 5 times! I am on ssdi and i cant afford to give 10%.You are suppose to give 10% or 10% of your time.I live in Greenwood which is a suburban of seattle and they dont have many Catholic churches.So i have to go out of Greenwood
to worship and it isnt fair.SOmetimes I dont feel like going but to be asked why dont you come back? To me he is asking me to come back.The Church has changed.I dont recognize the people and i dont even know their names.All I know is that they go to this church and sometimes I see them shopping but they dont speak to me.Has anyone noticed noone talks no more? You are seated with a bunch of zombies.Why dont people talk? What is so bad about reaching out? And we must learn to love and accept one another and we must do it now.The people that I have encountered have pain.I have met several.I
met a lady whose only child was killed in a tragic accident and now she is grieving because noone knows what to say to her.I told her about the site of Daily Strength and she is going to try it.She told me it will take time to accept her childs death,but her husband refuses to talk about it.This is the reason why men have got more heart attacks.SOme of them when tragedy strikes they dont talk and act like a clam.A tragedy or sudden death is not anyones fault and to blame them is childish.We must learn to accept the sudden death can happen to anyone and we must be prepared to accept it.I have accepted Brads death and I will never love again.Brad was all that I had and he was just so depressed that I couldnt see it and I cry when I can because I miss Brad and I miss his big lug arms around me and I miss his sloppy kisses and his moronic teasing.Now this minister knows this.Yet people in the congreagation have yet to acknowledge this and for this I am still hurt.So when the service is done,I go home.I dont stay for coffee.These people are really cold and all they talk about is their vacations and grandchildren and that is nice but we must learn to talk about things that matter and a vacation now dont matter to me..I cant afford it and this minister knows it.SO dont you think he say something? I DO AND i refuse to give to 5 more collections it is the end of the month and i am broke.People who live on ssdi must watch their money and b irthdays are coming up so I must get cards.Once again,I than k everyo one of you..but what do you respond when a minister asks you"Where have you been."

Joeinaz 08/27/2010

Hi, Vader. I think your post says it all better than I could. Were I you, I would print your post out and GIVE it to your minister. I find it appalling that people can be so thoughtless as to ignore a person hurting as you are, especially a minister. In the meantime, the good people you have met here are with you every moment of every day. And you don't need to go to church and give money that you do not have, dear. God isn't about money. Neither are we.....Joe

deleted_user 08/27/2010

Oh Vadar, I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I agree with Joe. People are thoughtless and I'm really tired of hearing the excuse they don't know what to say. "I'm sorry you are hurting" works just fine. So I don't buy that don't know what to say crap.
I haven't been to church much. I went a few times to the church that Sandy loved so much. I like the church, it's very non traditional. I just have to work most Sundays so I don't get a chance to go. I won't go into religion, I tend to get on a soapbox and most look at me like I'm crazy! I have developed my own church. I call it "shirley's relationship with God". That's all I need and that's all you need too. It doesn't cost me a dime and I don't have to share my relationship with God with a bunch of strangers that think I should believe as they do, as they are told to believe. Enough said about religion.
You hang in there. Keep writing, you know it always helps.
S

LK40 08/27/2010

I'm sure your minister meant well, but, yeah: not a good question to ask. I'm not a church-goer, but I was raised Roman-Catholic. The first time someone (a relative) suggested to me that I look to God for support, I had to walk away. After I calmed down, I came back and said that God & I were having a difference of opinion. It doesn't mean we don't love or believe in each other, it just means that right now we need some space. She got the message. I agree with you that many churches are not friendly or supportive; they're more like social stepping stones. I have gotten much more support from co-workers that have been through similar situations than friends, family, or church. And what kind of church passes a money basket 5 times? That's not tithing; that's a shakedown. OK, time for me to get off my soapbox.
So tell us about Brad (you may have done this before, but I'm new to the forum). What did he look like? What did he do? Was he a serious guy or did he like to joke around? Let us know.

stevemoon 08/27/2010

I am very sorry to hear this story. Jesus Christ is truth and love - I would answer in truth. From what I am hearing you say, the reason you have not been in church is because the church seems more interested in your money than in your soul. That is shameful, in my opinion. What you say, no one talks, no one reaches out, this is not how the body of Christ should be. I base this opinion on what I read in the bible. I do hope you can find a bible based church to attend where they observe Christ's commandment John 13:34 "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. " So, I am not a minister, nor do I know you, but I say to you, God loves you, and he loves Brad. God cares about you so much, and would not see you hurt for your inability to tithe at this time. Being on ssi you need to watch every penny, I know this well, and so should that minister. And you should not be intimidated in that church, you're there to worship our creator among other believers, and to be part of the congregation, to be included in the body of Christ. I pray you can find a more loving church where you would belong. Its not you, not at all.

vader 08/28/2010

this is to all who replied.I no longer go to that church.The minister and the question hurt my feelings and I am in still in pain.We must learn to love one another and not put emphasis on others.He was doing this comparing people and not everyone is the same.People are meant to do certain missions in life and i still dont know what my mission is but I hope I will be able to provide peace and understanding to the people who are grieving and hurting and not ask anyone for money especially 5 collections.Thanks to all vader and the cat.(Kramer)

OLDBIKER 08/28/2010

I am a Pastor of a church. We started with 6 members 4 years ago last March. Our membership now is nearly 100. I am an ex-biker and my Church is Non-denominational. I do not preach religion, I just preach Jesus. We do not collect an offering, we have a box at the back of the church and you put in it what you feel led to, when you leave. I have been called "The Biker Preacher" and that's ok with me. Before I was saved, I was called a lot worse things. I myself have a problem with Organized Religionists and "Professional Preachers". I have never preached a sermon on money and our church has never hurt for money. I believe if we are doing our best to reach out to peolle in the community, as Christ did, I believe if we love others and if we show that love in word and in deed, the finances will be there for whatever the church needs. We have had over 50 saved in 4-1/2 years and we have 7 more to baptize a week from Sunday. We forget that a church is "a hospital for sinners, not a social club for socialites or a sanctuary for saints". We have people from all walks of life and different denominations that have came and joined our membership. We have Catholics, Lutheran, Baptists, Church of Christ, Methodists, Pentecostal, and Nazarene's. I am priviliged and honored to be the Pastor there.

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