Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
My name is vader.I am 63 years old and old enough to be everyones grandmother and I am in mourning.On May 22nd,2009 my boyfriend of 12 years committed suicide and it has been one slow ride to hell.Suicide is a taboo and noone wants to talk about it.It is like us survivors do not exist and if they do they are thrown aside as they are the subject of ridicule and gossip.The looks and stares that have been given me shows me that some people are born ignorant.Recently I met one of Brads co workers.He was nice and plesant and asked me how I am doing.He did not know how Brad died.But what got my goat was that he told me that Brad was depressed at work and everyone noticed Yet not one of his co workers did nothing.They could have taken Brad to the emergency room of the local hospital where hospitalization and medication would have helped.When I asked him why did not take Brad to the hospital he replied he did not want to get involved and this is the typical statement today noone wants to get involved.I realize that everyone has got problems but Brad could have been saved if people did this step.Depression is one of the reasons why people kill themselves.And depression could have been helped.Suicide people today feel that the noone will miss them.This is an error.I miss Brad and I miss the fact that Brad life could have been spared if people werent so afraid of not getting involved.The guilt I have grows each day.And the pain is just not something I cant describe.I try to be nice and I try to be happy but I have got a hole in my heart that just cant be fixed and even the grief therapy wont help me.Lets reach out to the survivors and tell them this...we understand.And it is not your fault.Lets start now.Tomorrow will be too late.
Serious suicidal action doesn't involve clues or warnings: no last minute phone calls, no apparent serious behavior (usually); a truly suicidal person can APPEAR PERFECTLY NORMAL. One serious attempt usually means there will be a second, a third, until the person finally achieves "success". NO ONE can predict it, NO ONE can stop it. I feel your pain and I know your guilt, self blame, all the "what if" and the "why didn't he tell me", etc. but the bottom line is HE COULDN'T TELL YOU because suicide is not a rational act and people who DO IT can't explain themselves. I know a woman who has attempted four times: she really wants to die. I asked her to promise me she wouldn't make another attempt and she said she 'couldn't' because the impulse JUST OCCURS and there's NO REAL THOUGHT, just a plan.
Whatever was haunting your beloved was something he didn't and couldn't share. It's no one's fault. Depression is NOT the major reason people kill themselves, there's almost always some pathology involved that has gone unnoticed or untreated. How many times have you been depressed in your 63 years? I'm 65, I lost my 23 year old daughter to suicide on 3/2 from serious psychiatric illness, and BOY AM I DEPRESSED even with medication. And don't think I haven't thought about following her. But I haven't. And I won't. Because I'm rational and because I have a strong faith in God and know that there's still work for me to do here. No, it wasn't "just" depression and you'll never know the full story but go easy on yourself, one day at a time. YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME, THERE IS NOTHING YOU COULD HAVE DONE. Even if you had stopped him THAT time, he most likely would have tried until he succeeded.