vader, I'm new to this website, but I picked yours first to read. My heart goes out to you, I understand your guilt, and don't know if it ever goes away, or just becomes bearable. He probably loved you too much to worry you, and maybe had gone so deep within himself that he couldn't talk about his feelings. You have a friend in me if you need one. Vicky2

my love i know exactly how you feel and thats a very sorry thing to say. my fiance also commited suicide 9 months ago by hanging himself, we were very much in love, he was a fit and healthy footballer with everything to live for, then out of the blue, with no note he done this. i have gone thru emotions like none other, every single day i feel as though ive had my heart ripped out of my chest, he was my entire life and i have lost that. i dont know wether im coming or going half the time, i wonder how im still here, but all im doing is breathing in and out, i dont live anymore, i dont go out, my life is so so horrible now. god bless you my prayers are with you

I hear you but suicide is not the result of simple, or even complex, depression. It is the result of total loss of hope, despair, and pathology. It is not a rational act. You can't take a depressed person to the ER and have him admitted, it doesn't work that way. The laws are such that a person must be a clear and present danger to himself or others and trust me, been there, done that. Even when it's obvious to YOU it might not be obvious to the psychiatric social worker, so the person walks out, free as a bird.

Serious suicidal action doesn't involve clues or warnings: no last minute phone calls, no apparent serious behavior (usually); a truly suicidal person can APPEAR PERFECTLY NORMAL. One serious attempt usually means there will be a second, a third, until the person finally achieves "success". NO ONE can predict it, NO ONE can stop it. I feel your pain and I know your guilt, self blame, all the "what if" and the "why didn't he tell me", etc. but the bottom line is HE COULDN'T TELL YOU because suicide is not a rational act and people who DO IT can't explain themselves. I know a woman who has attempted four times: she really wants to die. I asked her to promise me she wouldn't make another attempt and she said she 'couldn't' because the impulse JUST OCCURS and there's NO REAL THOUGHT, just a plan.

Whatever was haunting your beloved was something he didn't and couldn't share. It's no one's fault. Depression is NOT the major reason people kill themselves, there's almost always some pathology involved that has gone unnoticed or untreated. How many times have you been depressed in your 63 years? I'm 65, I lost my 23 year old daughter to suicide on 3/2 from serious psychiatric illness, and BOY AM I DEPRESSED even with medication. And don't think I haven't thought about following her. But I haven't. And I won't. Because I'm rational and because I have a strong faith in God and know that there's still work for me to do here. No, it wasn't "just" depression and you'll never know the full story but go easy on yourself, one day at a time. YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME, THERE IS NOTHING YOU COULD HAVE DONE. Even if you had stopped him THAT time, he most likely would have tried until he succeeded.

Vader, I totally understand the anger you are feeling toward your husbands co-worker. The day of my husbands funeral one of the co-workers wives called me and told me that she knew my husband had been very sick. He had confided in her husband his test results showing that he needed open heart surgery. He thought he could wait the three weeks until he was laid off to have that surgery. What angers me is why did they not let us know. He has two children left behind 6 and 12 that love and miss him dearly. He could have lived many more years if they had just said something to someone. My husband told me his test results were fine and there was nothing to worry about. I am here for you if I you would like to talk more. Take care and remember you are not to blame. He loved you just like my husband loved me, he just didn't want me to worry. I know it is a very hard thing to accept.

to all who replied I want to say thank you and I am still grieving,.But now I realize I couldnt have prevented it and Brad seriously wanted to die.Brad and I had very serious problems and we must talk about our problems.It is so wrong to keep things inside and I want to thank all again.