Bereavement Support Group
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After several weeks of debates and disagreements, my friend drove me this morning to bring a Christmas grave cover to Mama's grave. It had to be early and quick due to possible bad weather coming.
What was strange was that my heart felt cold - hard - empty - steely - some emotionless feeling I can't describe - but felt so strongly while there today. No feeling - just going through motions. It was as if she wasn't there. I'm home and thinking how could I be that way today? Was it the rush due to weather? My friend's less-than caring at this point. But is she really there or did they take it, as we hear so often? I was unable to have requested gravesite service due to weather & other issues according cemetery office. I had to leave her behind in a "chapel". Why was there this NON-feeling in my heart today?
What was strange was that my heart felt cold - hard - empty - steely - some emotionless feeling I can't describe - but felt so strongly while there today. No feeling - just going through motions. It was as if she wasn't there. I'm home and thinking how could I be that way today? Was it the rush due to weather? My friend's less-than caring at this point. But is she really there or did they take it, as we hear so often? I was unable to have requested gravesite service due to weather & other issues according cemetery office. I had to leave her behind in a "chapel". Why was there this NON-feeling in my heart today?
deleted_user
I think it might have something to do with not having closure at the gravesite but also some people just do not get comfort going to gravesites because the essense of the person we once know is no longer there - their body is but their essense has long left their body. Perhaps that is what you felt. When my sister died Oct. 2008 I realized how important rituals were and the fact that you weren't able to carry through on the rituals you had planned, I believe, you couldn't equate the gravesite with your mother. As for your friend not being supportive, I really do not know what to say other than, I am sorry. Do you have someone else who you can talk to about this? I think talking with someone would be wise to sort out your thinking processes. God bless you
deleted_user
i stay away from cemetaries. i don't believ that's where my loved one "is". my mother, sister - for me, their souls have been liberated. and now, speaking JUST for me, physical graves are meaningless. for just me, closure has nothing to do with a plot of land - tho i recognize its enormously important to others.
deleted_user
I go to the cemetery to pay my respects and to honor the memory of loved ones who have passed away. My kid sister died recently and although I can't visit her grave as much as I can being far away, I still have her in my mind and sometimes weep when I remember her. I believe I will eventually get over this phase of mourning her death, but when I do, I am glad there is a place especially for her where I know I can visit her again and honor her memory.
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