I'm truly sorry you are feeling this way right now. After suffering many losses, including losing my son I understand what you're going through. There is no right or wrong way to grieve but we must go through it to heal. I have experienced the same, but have learned to make myself erase those horrible thoughts and replace it with good memories. I don't know your faith but for me I asked God to remove those thoughts and prayed about it, I was free from them, and still get them now and then. I continue to ask God to remove them from my mind, and for me it has worked. I strongly encourage you to work with a grief counselor, so that you may heal. I am here for you should you need to talk, please message me. Hugs...Lori

Hi quirk, counseling is not something to fear; however fear is to be expected at first, because of the unknown. But do make sure that you are comfortable with the approach the practitioner uses as your guide to good mental and emotional health. During your conversations with your therapist, be certain to be aware of examples and instructions on how others have dealt with general therapy. Most patients are in a position of nervousness during the first visit and they miss out on hearing the treatment plan in full detail. What is calming to know is that a good counselor will put his or herself in the position of the client, as a first-timer, and this is to better scope through the suffering and hardships the client has experienced. Before your first appointment, take time to meditate on your coping goals that you may have a significant idea about what you are facing and understand what you can expect or what you desire to receive relief for with therapy. As you are now at the point of help, you really have attempted to do all you can personally do to heal, and now some qualified person will be dealing with the situation. Find peace in that what youve decided to do will better help you to approach your emotional circumstances for the better. Loving embraces to you! I admire your strength and faith in healing!

@Lori
I am so sorry for your losses, but it's so comforting to know that you are a beliver in God. How kind of you to use your faith to support others. God is a blessing! Praise Him.

New to the group...saw that you're afraid of going to counseling and bringing everything up all over again. I was affected by a major natural disaster last year...I had been going to counseling for a couple months prior to that for something else...after the disaster happened, there were so many emotions...my counselor encouraged me to talk about it as much as I could handle each session...and yes, it was tough...it's still tough going back to that place (especially when the one year anniversary came around last month)...but, I will say this...as much as it hurts to go back to that place, when you talk about those things, you are processing your feelings, and it's in a safe environment with someone who can help you cope with those feelings that come up again. It will be well worth it to go through with the counseling and work through your feelings over what happened. It's tough, but it makes you stronger and healthier (in the mind) and enables you to handle other "bad" things in the future in a more healthy way. I know it's scary to think of going through all those emotions again, but I think it will greatly benefit you to go ahead and go to your counseling session.

Good luck!

Im sorry