It hurt me to listen to my dad's messages on my cell phone. He had started his decent into a serious mental decline. He spoke about being in places he was not, and events that did not happen were happening to him. I finally let go of them and did not copy the messages forward when I got a new phone. It hurt at the time, but it was the right thing for me to do.

If you have a 6 year old daughter, it sounds like your mom was taken from you way too soon. But it is the hand you were dealt. Please consider getting therapy in real life. I took a bereavement class, and it really helped. There are emotions we need to process (or stages to traverse if you see it that way!), and a good class can really help.

Have you let yourself get really mad at your mom for dying on you? Have you screamed at God (if your are religious) demanding how a so called loving God can let this happen? Have you tried to make a deal with God that lets your mom come back to you? Have you made a plan on how you intend to fill the void in your life (that mom used to occupy) with love and support from other people? Have you written a letter to you mom telling her what is going on in the family now? asking her advice? yelling at her for dying??? These may sound like harsh things to think about let alone doing, but when I did some of these things it really let me break out of the void that I was sucked into.

Feelings are not good or bad, they are your feelings. Getting them out lets you process them and find your way to a new normal that you can base your life on.

Pepperman,
I am 36. I lost my Dad when I was 13. My parents were divorced and i along with my full blood brother were on holidays with him celebrating my 13th and stepsisters husbands birthday. 5 days after he had a heart attack and died. In the last 13yrs i have lived in another state but mum would come here or i would go there. She had a hell for 12yrs ...long story. Finally pulled herself through and got her life back on track. So many plans and it was taken away.
Yes i have yelled at her. Why did she leave when she was crying she didnt want to die she was going to fight.
I am not religious at all for that exact reason no one would put this family through so much pain. 1 family death each year from 08-2014 2016-2017. I want to punch something. I am jealous. Not one friend has bothered with me. Strangers via text etc have been my support. I can not stop crying my heart feels so heavy. I do not want to take my daughter to school the jealousy of seeing other happy families with their grandparents.
I wrote one letter not even sure where it is. My grandparents fed their local magpies and after they passed Mum had one come to her house and she fed it. So magpies are a symbol but when i hear them wobbling/calling all i can think is shut the heck up!!!
Sam

Big squishy hug.... I agree that a RL support group or getting into some therapy might help....

Sometimes grief does lead to depression and depression is an illness that there is good treatment for.... Losing those we love sux for sure.... I miss a lot of people to

Re falling into a depression you don't see the split so it's not as if here I am feeling grief and I take a step and recognize depression.... It's not that clear.... You might want to see your family doctor? Perhaps ?

One thing that helped me a great deal and does to this day is gratitude... If I feel grateful and put myself in a state that I'm thankful it helps my state of mind

So although I am sad from loss I am also thankful that I've had these wonderful people in my life and I can think of special moments and smile.

Another hug and a blessing.....xo

I understand the loss cycle. I hate August. It is the month that, in different years, my sister died, my mother died, and my dad died. It is also the month I was born in and it is the month my parents were married in. In the next 7 days I'll go through the anniversaries of my parents wedding, my dad's passing, and my sister's passing.

It sucks, but we push through it because we are tough and we value the idea of being happy and coming to terms with loss.