Death is such a mysterious and often dreaded part of life. It makes people uncomfortable at best and many people are unsure of how to handle it as we are all individuals. We ALL handle it very differently and heal differently. It's not like health class addresses death.....at least it didn't when I was in school. In fact, my brother who was 16 at the time of his death back in 1975 was not addressed by providing counselors for classmates and friends.....it was brushed under the carpet like an ordinary day yet everyone was in shock. It wasn't handled correctly......but that is how it was back then. People avoided me or whispered and pointed at me when I walked into a room....and made inappropriate comments.
However, over the years, I came to realize that most of society is ignorant and was not taught proper responses......nobody's fault.....it's just a weird subject to talk about......and many times....very personal on many levels.
The subject can be overwhelming for many folks as they too have gone through a loss or losses.
My brother died two weeks before Christmas (December 7th) in a motorcycle accident. It was also 5 days before my 15th birthday. It ruined my birthday and Christmas for many years. With much therapy and thought.....I learned that Christmas had nothing to do with my brother. I now allow myself to be sad (there is a void in my heart reserved just for him) and then I turn my focus to Christmas and reach out to others that may need some sort of service (there are plenty of soup kitchens and food pantries that need helpers). It helps me see that others are worse off than me. It gives me pleasure to put a smile on their face....it cost nothing and it gives back. Christmas has lost it's true meaning and become so commercial that I dread it for only that reason and not my brother's death.
My brother has been gone many years (39 years on the 7th). I know my brother would NOT want me to be sad my whole life. He would want me to embrace and love the life I was given. I was blessed to have him for the short time I did......and I will never forget him.....NEVER.
My life has not turned out like I thought.....but it is the only life I have and I am trying to make the best of it alone. When my mom passes away.....I will be an orphan......I am the end of the road for this family. I'm already a bit alone, becuz my mom.....well.....she is bitter and a bit crazy.....but none the less....she is my mom and I do love her and take care of her.
Memories are all we have left in the end. It's good to make new memories and traditions. They don't have to cost a penny.
We can not make others understand our loss and pain.....they are not part of our story. People can only empathize/sympathize so much. If we keep trying to make them understand or embrace our loss.....we will be disappointed all the time.
I think it is better to share memories a little at a time with certain people. They would rather hear the good things about our loved ones than the details of their death.....that kinda scares people off. The details of ones death should be shared with a grief counselor to help you learn to cope with such things.
I worked at funeral homes for the past 30 years and just retired a few months ago......trust me.....there are things I will take to my own grave on what I have witnessed.
Our world is obsessed with Gorey things, but when it comes right down to it.....they don't want to be trapped in a corner and made to hear about it and made to deal with it (be empathetic.....they'd rather see it at a movie).

I'm so sorry that you are having a hard time getting over Brad....or the things Brad did.
Try something new.....it doesn't mean you have forgotten Brad...your brother.....or your parents. You will be together with them again some day.....in the meantime......make YOUR life a Victory instead of a victim.......it's more rewarding and passes the time much faster.
I've had a TON of bad stuff and losses in my life. I have chosen to be a victor over a victim and it is much better by far.
I spend at least an hour a day thanking God/universe for ALL the blessings and people I have in my life. Becuz of being a victor over being a victim.....ppl like being around me. When you play a victim....people WILL avoid you. Try a gratitude journal or meditation daily for a month and see how your life will turn around...ok?
Thanksgiving is a wonderful time to give thanks for everything.....even for the time you had Brad (and others) here on earth :)

I know what you are saying, A lot of my so called friends never called or came around when my husband died. Still haven't. I just figure they don't know how to react. I'm 62 and disabled. All I have is my puppy and memories of all the good times. What he did had nothing to do with you, from what I read it was before you knew him. You were taken in love as they say is blinding.

Yeah, I think the bereaved can and should still find some joy in life and try to celebrate the holidays. And family doesn't have to be biological family. You can create "family" wherever you are. You can hang around here with us and chat. And how far away is your nearest neighbor?

Thursday is Thanksgiving and altho I am homeless this year,I am so happy to have some place to call home.Death is a part of life and I must learn to accept it and i accept the fact that Brad is no longer alive and i must realize that he is not coming back and things would have been so ugly.I am grateful that I am alive.I am a survivor of suicide and domestic violence.Brads death nearly ruined me and I must go on.As for Christmas...what is the true meaning behing it ? And it has become avery commerical and overrated.Lets remember this and the living and remember we have feelings also.