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Monday it will be 27 months that I lost Brad and i cant seem to get past it even with therapy.The grief peopele want me to take down all of my shrines and pictures.One remarked that I am in denial and I refused to accept the fact that Brad abused me.Let me make one thing perfectly clear...I was homeless for 3 years.I lived in a shelter.Noone knew this except Brad and he offered to give me stability and a place to stay.At the shelter..I was always tired and hungary.The food did not last long enough.The meals were terrible.But Brad gave me food and shetler and a chance to live my own life.Brad made good money and I took care of the house and the cats.Brad loved cats and would tend to the the strays.he was always feeding these animals,.But when he drank,Brad was a mean dude and many times he would hit me with his fists.But after he hit me,Brad would blackout and would not at all remember.All i can say is that I have tried.i have tried to be the perfect girlfriend.But i have failed.I am not a girlfriend type.I have got Bi Polar 2 with the mania and i can be one impossible bitch.Brad was actually mean to me and i had no place to go.My parents are dead.The house was sold.And the shelters told me to get rid of Kramer and i did put her in foster care for one month.Brad sobered up and had a fit.He hit me with his belt.And he told me never to give any of the household animals away.When we got
Kramer back..she was sick and frightened.She would go and hide when
Brad rolled up the paper.Thunder and Lightning scared Kramer also and
she would howl for at least 2 days.I think that the foster people were mean to Kramer and noone can come over till this day.Noone touches my cat and noone comes over...I dont have the room.I dont have the money to buy cake and coffee for the guests.I dont as i am trying to get my life together.Next summer i am going to the university for courses.I intend to take up social work and music.I promised Brad that if anything
happened to him that I would help the down and out.I dont know if
I should forgive Brad and I wish things were different.But I have been
singing again an d I sang My Way Wednesday night.I was withBrad for
12 years./He was the love of my life.I was 48 when I met Brad and now
the so called excitement of dating does not iterest me.When people
tell me the sex is better at 60.......who are they kidding? Theres no
love after 60 unless you are Elizabeth Taylor and all of the men that
I have met are either widowers or people with small children.These men
want someone to take care of them and after Brad I take care of my self and taking care of someone else does not thrill me,Should I forgive Brad?
l
Kramer back..she was sick and frightened.She would go and hide when
Brad rolled up the paper.Thunder and Lightning scared Kramer also and
she would howl for at least 2 days.I think that the foster people were mean to Kramer and noone can come over till this day.Noone touches my cat and noone comes over...I dont have the room.I dont have the money to buy cake and coffee for the guests.I dont as i am trying to get my life together.Next summer i am going to the university for courses.I intend to take up social work and music.I promised Brad that if anything
happened to him that I would help the down and out.I dont know if
I should forgive Brad and I wish things were different.But I have been
singing again an d I sang My Way Wednesday night.I was withBrad for
12 years./He was the love of my life.I was 48 when I met Brad and now
the so called excitement of dating does not iterest me.When people
tell me the sex is better at 60.......who are they kidding? Theres no
love after 60 unless you are Elizabeth Taylor and all of the men that
I have met are either widowers or people with small children.These men
want someone to take care of them and after Brad I take care of my self and taking care of someone else does not thrill me,Should I forgive Brad?
l
Yep, your therapists are right; you need to take down the shrines, and stop idolizing Brad. He was a human being with his own demons and foibles, which are obviously what did him in. He did indeed abuse you, and slugging you after a few rounds is unforgiveable. I'm sure he's got some things that he's trying to attone for, on the other side. He obviously loved you; he just maybe didn't love you the way you loved him, and couldn't find tenderness within that mean temper.
Meanwhile, helping the down and out seems like the best course right now! There's always someone worse off than you...give it a try!
You posted in the past that you supported Brad and you lived off a huge inheirtance. You thought that was why he stayed with you then...for the money. You said you all went through a large inheirtance. And that you owned the house.
I think you need to do as your therapist advises.
PS: Shelter and Food do not mean that anyone has the right to abuse another. I don;t understand the constant need to justify that he was a drug abuser, had been convicted of kidnapping and murder...which you did not know....and all the toher things you have said about him.
And You are incorrect in believing that they do not exist for people over 60 unless a movie star.