Bereavement Support Group
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My Mom died over four years ago. Very advanced in age. At one point, I had my father's doc (in another location) come here, since it was hard to find someone who made house calls. She had pointed to her chest one day when I asked if she had pain. When I told him that, the doc gave me a prescription, which my regular pharmacy couldn't provide and sent me to another pharmacy. I was nervous about this but followed orders. Two weeks later, Mama died. It's always in me. I'm shaking as I type this. I have doctors in my family - who insist I shouldn't be troubled over this - about how well I took care of her, etc. But to me, that's a round-the-bush non-answer. Did my Mom really need this medication? Was I stupid in just following the doc's orders? Was her death hastened? Out of my mind.
Did I do the right thing when I agreed to the recommendation for heart surgery? Four doctors encouraged it - but were they just supporting each other?
Should I have done (demanded? begged? threatened litigation?) something different on the day my mom died? Did a meal with a small quantity of monosodium glutamate cause this? Did a single (doctor recommended) ibuprofen cause her final heart attack? Should I have demanded that the ambulance take her to a different hospital?
The questions go on and on. They torture me as they do you. And there is no answer. There never will be an answer. Just the pain.
I will never know, and, I guess you're in the same boat.
But we did the best we could with what we had - and we did it with love, with caring, with the deepest desire to keep the one we loved alive. It was the best we could do, and no level of guilt can change the outcome...
I hope it helps to know that you are not alone. We did our best. That's all anyone can ever do.
are no answers only questions and that makes life a punishment.
god give it and god take it away. we are only human and god know this we cannot understand the way that god thinks and what he deems to be good as it often is opposite of what we were taught and often our own little reasoning.
the truth is we are not gods we cannot heal someone no matter what we think or imagine of ourselves to be gods will be done whether we are ready for it or not. that is what i learned when my father died i did everything with every breath i took to care for him and yet he still died. so in the end it is gods will that will be done not mine.
you did what you had to do it is not your fault with anything you did or believe you failed to do it is what it is do not tourcher yourself with these things let them be and give these worries and un answered questions to him and do not allow them to enter into your mind again
the day will come when each one of us will face god ourselves and then that day we will know what we did or failed to do one day our time will come to and the ones who watch out for us will have the same worries what if i did this or why did I not listen ? if only.....
it is the questions that enter into you that causes the tourcher do not allow them to confuse you into doubting yourself. you did everything with your whole heart and soul to care for your loved one god knows how hard you tried and he is the only one in this world that we have to answer to in the end no one else.
may god give you his peace in order for you to do what you were sent here in this world to do.......................god bless