(Note: this has also been posted at the Bipolar Disorder group since in my case it applies to my recent bereavement and some problems I am having.)

I was recently diagnosed bipolar, and unfortunately missed a session with my therapist. The good news is he will do his best to make that up. It can't be soon enough because some bad junk went down and I'm a big ball of nerves, though doing my best to maintain. Here's the problem, Part I:

I am still grieving the loss of my father since April 2009, and trying to deal with the trauma from that, as well as the eventual foreclosure of the home we shared for 9 years, not to mention the trauma of constant emotional and psychological abuse from people I mistakenly trusted to help me. One man in particular, who put me up in several different places after I left my home, I trusted to store some property for me. I haven't seen it since and when I'd ask where it went, he'd say he didn't know. But that's not the worst of it. I was living in a raunchy old hotel in a very bad neighborhood, and unfortunately HE became the landlord my last two months of living there after his ex-wife became ill with cancer. I was working the rent off at a thrift store the ex-wife owned; but they had to close it and since I had no way to pay rent I had to find another place to live. I asked my niece to take me in and she agreed. I knew it was asking a lot of her, but at that point there were no more options and I hated the thought of going to a shelter.

I left the hotel June 23rd 2012. My niece and her partner took two trips to help get my stuff, and there was quite a bit of stuff. Before we went back to my room to get the rest, we sorted out the bulk of the stuff at her place to downsize everything. After we were done, we went back to the hotel for the rest of my items.

Among the items I treasured most were some heirloom jewelry passed down from my grandmother (deceased), some jewelry from my deceased mother, my late father's Korean War ribbon, several religous articles and several old magazines I loved and cannot replace without considerable expense. I had it all in a box or bag waiting in my room between moving sessions.

I did not realize, until a month later, that none of those items EVER made it to my new residence. When I asked the landlord about it, he denied even seeing them. The problem is, HE is the only one with a key to my room, plus he has a history of stealing from people. Several of the tenants at the hotel reported items missing, including medication.

I filed a police report the next evening and plan to talk to an attorney. But I am so hurt and so angry about the cruelty of this man, who knew what my father meant to me and has caused me so much distress in the past. It was like he had to put one last knife in my gut before I was free of him.

It brought so much grief back to me that it made me have lots of crazy thoughts and suspicions, which leads to Part 2 of my problem.

When you've been through so much loss and unfair treatment, it's too easy to become paranoid and suspicious, even of the people who are being kind to you and trying to help you because at some point you don't know WHO you can trust anymore. I'm sorry to say I even began to suspect my niece of taking the jewelry, which was quite illogical since the landlord would have had far more motive and an inclination to hurt me that my niece couldn't have. I was even hoping she HAD taken it so at least I might know where it was...and because of that I did something really stupid.

The other day, while she and her partner were out, I decided to search her room. All went well until two drawers on her nightstand got stuck. Knowing she would discover that and trying to cover my butt, I came up with a little white lie ("I was looking for a bandaid, yada yada yada) that hopefully she bought. She wasn't happy that I went snooping in her room like that, but what was I going to tell her??? "Ah, I thought you took Grandma's jewelry, so I was looking for it in your room!" Even if she hadn't wanted to kick me out of the house (a scary thought), she would have been pretty upset at my suspecting her and things would never have been the same between us...and I couldn't have lived with that.

So needless to say, I'm a mess. It's like this whole situation brought me right back to that terrible year I lost Dad and was waiting to lose my home. I was just starting to move forward and now THIS had to happen. I could curse myself for my own stupidity and lack of faith in my niece, who has been so wonderful to me and helped me when I needed her most and whom I am trying to help as well. I worry that she will wonder if I was trying to steal something, and I can't tell her the real reason I was there. Maybe I'm just projecting, I hope; I have tried so hard not to be a burden to my niece and her family, in fact I've done my best to help out around the house and all, and her good will means so much...yet it seems like I'm constantly screwing up, like leaving the water on and like that---and while I have a lot of freedom, there are of course the rules of her house I have to conform to. Sometimes I feel like our roles are reversed to a parent/child thing.

To sum it all up, I have not only been robbed of precious possessions that I tried so hard to protect, but of something more precious: my peace of mind and the harmony of my new home. I am praying about this situation and doing spiritual reading and all, and hoping time will ease all this craziness. But since I have an SSI pending, I am also hoping I will have the means to FINALLY get a place of my own, since living with relatives (or friends) is always a complicated thing---especially when bad crap like this happens.

And I am also hoping for justice. That hateful man, who thankfully is no longer my landlord, has victimized so many people. It's times like this when it hurts so badly that Dad is gone; even though I'm 51 years old, I feel lost and alone in a hard cruel world---that seems to be getting harder and crueler each year. I try to keep a positive attitude, and i do believe it will get better someday; it's just right now I really needed to get this off my chest. Your prayers would be much appreciated. Thank you and God Bless You.