If you're a therapist, then you know at least two solutions:
Certified grief counselor
Short term medication

This is a devastating loss and you already have a plate full (husband and sister). Let me share a site with you:
http://www.tomzuba.com/

Watch the 33 minute imbedded interview on this site. Remember that grief and mourning are separate things: you must move through grief, you must remain open to it while at the same time protecting your mental and physical health, and then you must mourn. There is no time limit and no one has any right to tell you how you "should" feel and for "how long" you "should" feel it. If I were you, I'd do a peer search and find the best certified grief counselor I can; I'd also approach my physician for some short term anxiety relief (no sleep meds, though).

You will get through this. It will change you. You can allow it to be make of you an exquisitely gifted therapist or an angry, frightened woman. I think you will choose the first. There's a "new you" coming. When this will happen and how, I know not, but I know it will. May God abundantly bless you.

Thank you for your response. I watched the video of Tom Zuba and he had some good points, mostly in making room for grief which is also my aim.

Thankyou for believing in me that i can be transformed by this in a more positive way. I also hope that I can find the strength to be able to do this..

No one loves you like your Mom. I know how you feel because my Mom is gone, too. Don't feel silly for your thoughts, there's nothing wrong with them. You can't help how you feel.

I am sorry for Your loss. I had that same feeling when I took my Mom to rehab that I would never see her again. I lost my fiancee suddenly to a heart attack and whether you know it is coming or not it is bad. Right now just grieve. I gave some of my fiancee's things away right away and regretted it. I think decisions are best left till later but everyone is different. I don't think anything really prepares you for a loss.

QP

thankyou for your encouragement and kind words. They mean a lot to me

My Mom passed July 30th. I was with her night and day for the last month. Pancreatic cancer that we thought was beat one week was told the next week it had taken over and she only has a month or two at best. It was rough and I have a feeling it will be months and months of this (grief?) to go. Every one grieves in their own way... but it's comforting to hear from some one who has a closer understanding of what I'm feeling. I hope you continue sharing how you are coping and getting through, it helped me a lot this morning. Thank you.

Hi Parker Ann, I'm glad that sharing my story has helped you in some way - feeling a sense of validation that you are not alone if nothing else. My mums birthday was actually July 31st.. so a difficult time for me also.

I'm gradually returning to work, and still having plenty 'moments' though different compared to the weeks leading up to her death now and I'm not sure how to describe it.. more subtle than wailing but enduring and heavy.

I've been talking to mum a little more lately. I've begun writing in a journal to her, and i've also called her mobile phone to leave a message (before it is cut off). Difficult but comforting.

I think that I am a little numb due to 'shock' which I imagine you are experiencing also... and it is this shock that somehow numbs the fullness of the grief I think a little and is enabling me to get on.
I've also been watching a lot of fantasy tv, a series a little like dr who, which is giving me a good escape from reality here and there.

I'd really like to find a support group specific to my mothers rare cancer, dedifferentiated condrosarcoma, which the doctors simply do not know enough about yet.

I've plans to call a counselling session with the cancer council for my family, especially seeing there was no support following the tragic event of my mothers passing.. and I just don't think that is right.
Was there much support for you following your family tragedy?

Some people are saying that I can get angry about the situation, but all I feel is flatness and sadness and a real 'emptiness'. Though occasionally I get 11:11 on the clock, the time when my mother passed and I think it is important to look for ways to stay connected spiritually..

I'm conscious not to be too busy.. as I've learned the hard way in the past that this is not the answer. Still looking for answers to be able to get through it like you though.. hence why we are on here..

I am deeply sorry for your loss also, please let me know if you'd like to email chat anytime as I've added you as a friend on here. I don't go on very often but check it once every week or two.

Take care,
spirit.

I've had a couple invites to a couple support groups. have not taken them up though. Other than that I've gotten support through people here and there. A couple regular guests at the hotel I work at found out and check on me. My cat was put down a few days after her funeral and I let it out about my Mom. The vet instantly turned into a counselor, pretty good one too. Hospice was a big part of everything. Even after they would call and check on us individually. Maybe I'll check out support groups in my town. I'm new to the area and don't know any one so it should be pretty easy to open up.
I should be more conscious also not to be so busy. I just don't think about anything but my tasks and when I'm done all I think about is that she is gone. Extremes... I was running around trying to get to work, stopped at a fast food place and was waiting for my food (went from busy to not) and found myself being hit with the reality of her being gone. There has to be more of a middle.
My Mom's birthday is later this month. I have requested a couple days off and my boss gave me four days off. I'm starting to notice and appreciate more often those little things people are doing to help me a long. I've noticed some taking an extra few minutes just to chit chat than usual, not wanting to bring anything up but being there I guess.
Some one once said if you pretend you are happy you can trick your brain into thinking it really is happy. I put on such a happy face in front of others. I think I need to learn to let people know when I'm sad, etc. and that it's ok that I feel like this now. I always think I need to smile and cheer up when people try to cheer me up.
I think I've been lost in this reply for close to an hour, thinking and such along the way.
Remember to "stop and smell the roses" or watch a butterfly float by, etc every once in a while. I try to imagine my Mom in Heaven, all warm and glowing, surrounded by flowers and butterflies and so much love. Then she looks down at me and tells me to become a DR. and comb my hair, or let it down, lol. I wonder what she's telling people up there :) She could tell some whoppers! Not lies, just exaggerations :) Not sure whether to laugh or cry now. Remember those little things that drove ya nuts but are the most precious memories now?
Be carefull out there (my mind tends to wonder with thought now) and I'll talk later.

Oh wow, i can relate. I had to put down at the vet my mums chihuahua, which is also my childhood dog, a day or two after mum died... that was also difficult and I had a few tears during it that's for sure. I sent the dog off with a message to mum, to tell her we are okay and not to worry but also that we miss her terribly and look forward to seeing her again one day!

It sounds like a good plan to have that bit of time off, as I agree there has to be balance in there.. it's just difficult to find. My brain doesn't seem to working at full capacity. My husband keeps telling me i'm not listening and is getting frustrated - even my driving is not as sharp as it usually is! and I once heard that when amongst grief our brains function at 30% capacity. I heard it from a psych colleague, so it may be true, either way I can relate to the idea!

As for the happiness thing, I like the idea of the happiness trap (by russ harris) which redefines happiness as the pursuit towards what is most important to you and that suffering is inevitable but also a part of that pursuit. The reward is in the reaching toward your values.
I do think what you are saying is true with confidence, to a certain degree we can step into it and become it.. but happiness in terms of attitude or gratitude I think is a daily choice - overall happiness takes a bit of work. I like what the makingaustraliahappy program has set out to do and www.smilingmind.com.au.

I'm just checking out the happinessdiet.com.au and might give that a go. I think though when we are grieving so deeply it's important not to force happiness and brush over the depth of our loss despite the immense pressures to do so. I think if we do this it'll just come back to us.


I also think that society can be pretty crap with sitting with grief and sorrow, but if you say you have some key people then that's great and stay linked with them even if you feel like isolating yourself.. as I find i too have to push against doing.

Let me know how you find the support groups.. I'm going to see what I can find this week as my mums cancer was very rare and 'they' just don't know heaps about it

the happiness diet wasn't what I expected and it costs money.. so scrap that one for now... ;)

I had such a big breakdown last night.

It all just builds up on the inside... At some point I have to pull myself together in order to keep going and then I dreamt last night that I came across my mother who I thought was dead and then she woke up with a start and said 'hello darling' in her cute loving cheeky way that she always used to and then I woke up. That was soooo nice in an odd way, because i felt like we were talking.

I am looking for signs.

I am going to her grave side today and getting some dirt to put in a small pot for a cactus that I will grow and this is a way of doing something special.

This is all just so damn hard. I want to connect with mum again. I want to communicate with her... I want so badly to call her.

What do you do or suggest? Writing letters helps.. i've considered seeing a spiritualist.. I just don't know.. How do I find those signs.