I just can't get over the pain and tears I have for my brother. I know this is not what he would want any of us to do. He would never want us to shed a tear. Next month will be a year he's gone and the tears still flow. I've gone on with my life. I've never allowed my grieving stop me from living my life, I don't cry 24/7 and I don't make him the center of conversation, in fact I rarely talk about him, but he is always on my mind and when the tears start at home, it's impossible to stop them (like now). I have people all around me but feel so lonely. I have a psychiatrist, am on anti-depressants long before my brother died so I know about that route. I've turned to on line support groups a long time ago which have been a blessing to me. I came back to Daily Strength a few months ago but this is the first time, maybe second, I've been able to write anything. It's like I have no clue what to do in here. Everything looks so foreign as if I never seen it before and I use to be a regular here. I'm feeling very guilty as if I did something wrong or not enough.