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Be careful, not fearful, and love like there's no tomorrow.
I actually look some via obit as well
I would try and assess how you're feeling sweetie
As we get older and start to lose those who we love/care about more I think it's natural to think about mortality
However if your mood is sinking and depression is something you're dealing with I would talk with your doctor
Maybe look into some grief councilling
Big hug and a blessing Mel...xo