Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
My counsellor told me to join this group ... I lost my dad December last year after 3 horrible stays at the local hospital. I have PTSD because the nurses were so cruel and hurt him so much physically. They bruised him while taking his blood pressure, tore drip needles out in a hurry his blood was all over the sheets, washed his private parts so hard he bled profusely and cried (and he's a brave stoic man) in pain. I live in Canada where euthanasia and assisted suicide is happening in the background.
They moved him back home and delivered boxes full of morphine syringes for me to give him so they could abdicate from the responsibility. It was really traumatic for me as they withheld food and water from him for a week and he begged me for a drink and they chased me out of the hospital when I tried to sneak him some water. I have terrible nightmares, can't sleep and fear the same thing will happen with my mom.
I've lost all faith in God who could have helped but didn't.
They moved him back home and delivered boxes full of morphine syringes for me to give him so they could abdicate from the responsibility. It was really traumatic for me as they withheld food and water from him for a week and he begged me for a drink and they chased me out of the hospital when I tried to sneak him some water. I have terrible nightmares, can't sleep and fear the same thing will happen with my mom.
I've lost all faith in God who could have helped but didn't.
While I am sad for the reasons you have found us, I am happy to meet you and hope that you are able to find some of what you are looking for here.
You have so many things to deal with right now, it must be hard to know where to spend your time and energy.
I guess the first thing to do is to get his estate settled. Well, that can take a long time, so getting started on it and getting a plan may be a good first goal.
Your anger at the hospital is very understandable. I just met you, and I am mad at them as well! I do not understand the Canadian legal system very well, but if you were from the US I'd suggest contacting a lawyer to see what rights you had, and what your legal options are.
In fact, contact a lawyer to see what your legal options are for other areas. I read your profile, and it sounds like you have greedy relatives that you might need to protect against. Your mother may have some large medical bills in her future based on what you wrote in your profile. (Again, that is filtered based on my experiences with US health care. So I could be way off on some of this stuff.)
I lost my father in August, a month after he had hip replacement surgery. I don't think that the operation was handled at all well. I opted not to sue mostly because my dad said that he had no regrets about having the surgery. I'm not telling you not to sue, just saying that you need to be comfortable with the decisions you make!
Well, I've kind of gone on and on a bit, hopefully not too much.
Gentle hugs
My grandfather (dad's dad) went into the hospital to have colon polyps removed. He never came out. He contracted some sort of lung infection, and eventually went septic. My dad was convinced the doctors were at fault. I wasn't there, for the 2 months he was in the hospital, but I don't doubt my dad's conclusion at all. It's a sad thing that the people we rely on to care for us and our loved ones can be so horrible.
I hope you find support and comfort here. It's unfortunate that a group like this exists, but the fact that it does helps us all, at least a little.
That's why I haven't taken any action, because I am afraid that my mom may also end up in the same cruel system one day and the associated persons will be vengeful and treat her even worse.
It's very sad and distressing that the very people one should be trusting to provide healthcare are motivated by bonuses to cut healthcare costs, much like the NHS in the UK.
For myself, I've started going to a naturopath who is more compassionate and has some freedom in independent diagnosis and care but all their supplements will be forbidden in nursing homes and hospitals.
Thank you both for sharing your experiences as I feel so alone.
That is cruel punishment from the medical sector and I cant believe that kind of treatment could be condoned. In the states the treatment you mentioned would have been multiple grounds for law suits. I cant believe we have idiots in this country that want that kind of health care!
I lost both my parents 3 years ago and my brother the year before. If you ever need someone to talk to I am usually around.
I did want to say that God works in mysterious ways and I went through a faze where I hated him more than anything after taking my entire family from me in less than 15 months. I loathed the thoughts of there being a God and you can bet I was ready to fight anyone who even mentioned the possibility. Today I look at things diffently. Maybe just maybe God saw the pain and the cruel treatment of your father and called him home to heaven. To stop the suffering.
Peace and Big Hugs to you!
Universal healthcare is evil. It's supposed to be free but only very basic services are free. I spend all of mom and dad's pensions on hiring a caregiver so that I can work part-time. When they see you're a senior, they push you to sign a DNR for your loved one even before a diagnosis. There's no where else you can turn to.
This starts with the paramedic who comes in the ambulance to ER, to acute care to chronic care and includes the nurses, doctors and specialists. I truly believe they get financial incentives to have a certain percentage of patients die in the hospitals - just do a search for this for the NHS in the UK. It's some sort of pathway where they put you prematurely into hastened palliative care without your consent.
I do believe dad is in heaven - I'm still in shock that people who are supposed to be compassionate are so cruel - it's hard for me to even watch a hospital scene in a movie or on TV.
When euthanasia and assisted dying are legal (soon) it will certainly be highly abused as the individuals are psychologically prepared to kill using their medical methods. I have a friend whose mom was in the nursing home and she went on vacation and came back to find they had starved her for 2 weeks - she called the police and reported it as a crime but the staff all supported each other with the same story so she died a terrible death like my dad.
I hate to say this, but there must be some justice in the afterlife for such wicked people who are murdering helpless people through a "system".