Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
Hi All.
I am new to the forum. I found it while looking for support as I have never experienced the death of a loved one before. I have also never had a loved one experience a close death either, so I have never had these feelings in my 29 years.
My grandfather is currently being made comfortable by a paleative care team to die within the next few days in his home from stage 4 lung cancer which he has been losing the battle to for 4 years. I am so thankful we got the time to make the extra efforts to see him throughout those years, however I find myself longing for the battle to be over. I feel so guilty to wish the end, but I see it tearing my mother apart to watch him die a slow death. My grandmother is in early stages of Alzheimer’s which has proven to be a blessing through all this.
I went this evening, not to say goodbye but to let him know I love him. He pulled up the covers and turned away from me. I know he is most likely upset, afraid and does not want me to see him as he is, however it still stings very deep. I will go again to see him tomorrow to hopefully get some closure. I don’t know what I will do if I never get my chance to tell him one last time what I know he already knows.
Death is so new to me and I can’t imagine how frightening it must be for him.
I am also going through postpartum depression (7 weeks) while this is happening and have been having intrusive thoughts about death. I think about death from the time I wake up right up until I go to sleep. The passing of time really scares me. I can’t believe how fast it goes. Medications have been increased, and the thoughts are less mood altering and anxiety inducing.. but still there nonetheless.
support needed and accepted xxxxx
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
For what it's worth
At the risk of experting, I subscribe to the theory that hospice patients often need their loved ones to give them permission to die. There comes a time when pain of life outweighs the fear of death and you continue breathing for the sake of comforting loved ones far more than embracing the joy of your own life.
Whether you subscribe to that theory, or not, Gentle support while you ride out these cross-currents. Hope healing happens here.
Welcome aboard.
To watch someone slowly decline I believe wanting it to be over is pretty normal..... Suffering isn't easy to see
Hospice do all that they can to make people as comfortable as possible
If you're also going through postpartum depression please see your doctor … It can be serious
Gentle hug..... I personally don't see death as a bad thing but a different realm that we don't have enough info on while living
Another hug and a blessing for you and your family......xo
I would speak to the palliative care team about your grandfather turning away and express your desire to tell him you love him and that its alright to go. They may have a suggestion.
Yes it is normal to feel like you wish his suffering to be over as well as the stress and sadness the whole family is facing.
Try some deep breathing and maybe some guided meditation to relieve your intrusive thoughts. On Youtube there is a man named Michael Sealy and there is a video called Detachment From Overthinking which I find very soothing.
Wishing you peace
I wish I can tell you the pain gets easier with time. It doesn't. You just make room for it in your heart and carry it always. At times that pain can give you strength, other times it can tear you apart. Each day is different.