I lost my mom in October. She died from a brain tumour only 62. She was my light and best friend. I am so heartbroken. I have dreams where I hug her and tell her that I'm sorry. I cry everyday and I'm so afraid of how much I miss her. I'm so afraid to really face the loss and the fact that I'm never going to see her again, I just can't understand it. She's so fresh in my memeory and so alive, it's just so hard to believe. I feel her presence sometimes and it helps but I still can't grasp that she's not here. I think it's really starting to hit me and the sadness is so strong. I feel like I'm still in denial of it all. She was always so invincible, so strong nothing like that would ever happen to her. My lungs feel liked they're filled with water sometimes and I can't breathe. I'm afraid of the amount of hurt that's inside me and how long it will take to feel it all.