Your dad is just greiving and there is nothing wrong with that. He will continue to be the pillar of strength, and his actions do not show weakness. In fact, I think its very courageous to see a man actually grieve as opposed to building his feelings all up inside.

The photographs are also not abnormal. Your dad is clinging to what he has left of her. When you are with your other half for 57 years and suddely they're gone, a part of your soul is also gone (that is why you often hear of elderly couples dying within months of each other). When my father died 2 months ago, I was so desperate that I had a curio with all of his things within a month. I understand now that it doesn't help the pain of losing him, but at the time I thought it would make me feel closer to him.

Everyone is different, but I can say for myself that distractions, like having people over for dinner constantly, definitely did not help me. The distractions didn't do their only job. I still thought about it, and it actually angered me more than helped me because I was upset that everyone was acting like nothing happened and that everything was normal, when everything was NOT normal.

I personally think that the biggest step in helping me move along with the grieving process was talking about it. When your dad is crying, let him cry. Talk to him, hold him, and don't make him feel that what he is going through is abnormal, because its not.

Losing my parent is hard enough to deal with, I couldn't imagine losing my significant other.

I agree with everything that Blueberry has stated.



While many do not agree, I will make one more suggestion: Take your father to a doctor and insist on you or another amily member being in the
room with him. Call aheadof time and explain the situation and also clear it with your father . Discuss the events with the doctor and see if he suggests an anti-depressant for a few months. You can also give your father time alone with the doctor after you ahve discussed these thing.

Finally, put our father in contact with a local Hospice group. They offer grief cousiling to everyone and you do not have needed to have used their servies before.

Thank you both so much for your replies. I have read online that after about two months if no improvement is noticed he could be clinically depressed. My sister and I have already discussed the possibility of dad needing antidepressants, but we will give it some time. And thanks for the comment on "acting normal". I think I'm guilty of that. It seems to help me, but it may not be helping him.

All his behavior shows he's human, I went through most of what he has gone through except the pictures. It doesn't make a difference if one is married for 19 yrs as I was or 57 yrs as your Father has. The experts say it's normal and good to cry as he's doing, I did it too. Not even a month, Lord Jesus help and guide this man as I ask you to do for me.
John.

It is normal for your Dad to cry. My father died a yr and a half ago and I cried everyday for a very long time. I also had his picture and his socks and a jacket that I cling to. It is just a part of grief.

I know what your are going through I lost my father in october and my mother is grieving as well.

i am glad that you make sure he has company and is getting his meals everyday it does help more than you can ever imagine.

After my father died I had to switch from being his constant caregiver to begin taking care of my mother so i am there everyday with her I clean and cook meals everyday i make sure i sit with her during her meals if I do not she will not eat unless i am there so i make sure i am there no matter what.

i no longer have meals at my home but I am fortunate for my other half is giving me full support in this endeavor he just lost his mother 1 year ago. keep doing what you are doing make sure someone is there with him.

I found that your love will enable him to become more secure and safe in time the more time you spend with him the better.

I have taken care of the elderly in their homes and have over years found that they never want their children to know what is truly going on so be vigilant and keep a watchful eye at a distance

shower him with your love and provide him with your companionship and support i know you are grieving as well but try and direct your energy and love to him now for he needs it desperately. The pictures of your mother is very good for him now when he is alone he can talk with her and say all the things he feels in his heart it will help him Immensely.

May God Bless you and strengthen you to help comfort your father.

Thank you all so much for your replies...it is very helpful. I want so much for my dad to reach out to other widowers for support, but he has always been such a private man and a loner type. It was always just he and my mom. That's why I think it's especially hard for him.

reaching out for widowers can be a task i tried to get my mother to go to some senior events only to go to one and i have to accompany her to those events just to get her more comfortable with her new life it is an adjustment my mother only had my father as well which makes the task more difficult because they never had any friends other than each other so as far as emotional support it is up to me to provide that for her I never left my mother or father my siblings did they got married and had children but i never ventured too far from them i suppose i knew deep in my heart that one day they would need my support in their old age so i never wanted to be too far away from them.

I am just being there for her at all times and try and fill the emptiness she is feeling the more i spend with her the better her emotional well being becomes all I can say is spend alot of time try introduce some new activities into his life take him out of the house and go do something no matter how small it may be the more you do the memories your create for him the better it will be.

I know how your father feels. I lost my husband three years ago and I cry at some point every day. Every night I take a photo of him to bed with me and place it on his pillow and mentally talk to him about my daily activities at least this helps a little. All I can say is be there for him and try to understand his pain. Hugs to all of you.