I know people that in less than a year re-married to people they'd only known a few weeks. I don't understand. My husband passed 6-15-10 and the thought of another man in my life makes me sick. There is a big difference though... I was married for 30 years. I know, without a doubt, that if he'd died before we married it still would have taken years for me to date again. Try not to let this make you bitter. She could be so lonely and if she is on Xanax or a similar drug it could affect her behaviour. Maybe she's just that way. Either way don't let it destroy you.

we all grive differntly, when my borther in law died, my sister was moving on at the funeral,I couldnt believe it. its your brother,it will alway be there for you, Iam so sorry,let her go too,

Thanks for your comments, i appreciate it. Im trying not to be so bitter i just feel like lots of the family is done remembering him and it hurts. i cant seem to move past this yet at all and its like when i lost my son. Anyways, i have good days and bad and im just going to try to surround myself with the people who do want to remember him llike i do.

People handle (or, in this case, don't handle) grief differently. She obviously doesn't want to face the pain. Eventually, it will sneak up on her, and she'll break down sobbing uncontrollably. I'd let this one run its course, let nature take over.

Truth is, everyone handles the pain differently and no one gets to escape it, no matter what we do. Sounds to me like she's desperate for anything that is going to make her feel good again in a way that doesn't even make sense to you. It could very much be that she feels much, much more desperate than even you do or could even hope to imagine.

Losing my own fiance, i can tell you that it has changed me in ways that i never thought would happen--- i find myself drinking more and feeling like there's not a lot left to live for or hope for in this life. On the surface things look okay--- i've gone back to work a while ago & i'm doing okay at the job, i shower every day and take care of the bills, i look and act pretty reasonable and even sometimes pretty light-hearted. Scratch the surface and you find wierd things--- extreme road rage, forgetting people's names (even ones that i'm around every day) and trying to cover for it, routinely ending up in fights with just about everyone i know, and so on... and on... and on. Insomnia is a bitch. Just when i think that things are manageable, the insomnia comes back and i'm facing another workday on 3 hours of sleep. If i even thought that hooking up with some guy would make this shit better, i'd probably be out at a bar or something right now. But i'm too old to even try to believe crap like that.

My point is, there's a whole lot that you're not going to see with this kind of grief. If she's really good, she may not even see it herself--- not now, anyways. If i were you, i'd stop worrying about her. Grieve your brother in your own way; he was your brother, and absolutely no one in this world can take that away from you. There is nothing wrong with you and there is nothing wrong with grieving and dealing with the pain. The very fact that you are trying to deal with the pain is wonderful in & of itself, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. If you can own this pain and give it its due, you can keep from destroying the other relationships in your life--- esp future relationships--- with this one unhappiness. Not everyone is so lucky. I know it probably feels like anything but that right now, but i promise you that things will change eventually. Be patient with yourself.

Sorry, just wanted to correct myself--- your brother-in-law.

And i'm so sorry about your babies. It's hard, isn't it? We grieve and then we feel better and something else comes along and triggers everything. A kid from work died a few weeks back and i was just a mess all over again

Hi, I think that that everyone deals with grief differently and everyone if very different, so we what we think may not be in agreement. Some people cannot face what they really feel and will move on quickly to overcome negative or sad feelings. Sometimes people just see life as a window of opportunity and seize the next one that flies by them. Sometimes it doesn't mean that they loved that person any less, they just realize quicker than others that that person is not coming back and maybe even knew that the other person would would them to be happy and to move forward and live and experience all life has to offer because clearly it sounds as if in this case, life is really short. Its hard to judge someone on something that we dont agree with because we dont walk a mile in their shoes. For example, i just had to put my dog down last week after owning him for 13.5 years. I am so completely devastated, he was my life. My every day revolved around him. My best friend of 17 years, on the day he died, did not even call me. On the second day she did but in the middle of my story, she started to talk about her boyfriend and his current actions. She's not a dog lover, nor is she really good at emotionally attaching. I finally after many long years learned to not love her any less but to just simply realize that she's different from me. In the past, i would get mad, angry etc and the only person it hurt was me. She is still going to her who she is at the end of the day. Just like this woman, so while there is a big wide world to love and explore, don't waste any spare moments being upset about someone else's choices, just accept it and move on and choose to honor your brother in law in a better way. Maybe, they might not have meant to be together anyways. Best of luck- Steph

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I agree with others, people travel their grief journey in different ways. Your feelings are "normal" considering the close attachment you have to your brother-in-law. Read the "Mourner's Bill of Rights" I just posted under New Members. You have the right to experience "griefbursts," but even more so, the right to feel as you do. Perhaps it would be helpful to honor your brother-in-law by accepting her decision and the road she chose during her grief journey. Take care and be gentle with yourself...