Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
Almost two years ago, I lost my parents. My father was up there, 91. Then two weeks later, my mother, who had some dementia, at 89, once she realized he was gone, took to her bed and died.
I have been dealing with this for all this time. A long time, and no time at all. That's what it feels like. When I can feel it.
A couple of weeks ago, I ran into an old aquaintance. I mentioned in passing to her, I'd lost my folks. Her eyes got very wide and I glibly went on to say, it was best for them that way.
I realized that, though I was dealing with a lot of feelings, like the old joke about how to eat an elephant,.....one bite at a time....I had a whole lot of that elephant left. And I am just really beginning the job.
Yes, it was better for them, but it was also the absolutely most terrible, horrific and devastating thing to have happened to me in my entire life. Bar none.
I am in support groups. I have some very wonderful people I've met online backing me up, Many with issues with their parents. With good reason I may add.
For me, my issues with my parents had been, for the most part resolved. my relationship with them was very good. They were two of the loveliest people I knew and I was proud to call them my parents. They raised me with with love and respect. They were not perfect but they were pretty darned good.
So here I am this time later, at age almost 60, and though I am moving on okay, doing all the things I need to for myself, getting counseling, exercising, getting support, talking about them, working, etc., etc., there are times when I just want to fall to my knees and screaming till my lungs pop out, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I have been dealing with this for all this time. A long time, and no time at all. That's what it feels like. When I can feel it.
A couple of weeks ago, I ran into an old aquaintance. I mentioned in passing to her, I'd lost my folks. Her eyes got very wide and I glibly went on to say, it was best for them that way.
I realized that, though I was dealing with a lot of feelings, like the old joke about how to eat an elephant,.....one bite at a time....I had a whole lot of that elephant left. And I am just really beginning the job.
Yes, it was better for them, but it was also the absolutely most terrible, horrific and devastating thing to have happened to me in my entire life. Bar none.
I am in support groups. I have some very wonderful people I've met online backing me up, Many with issues with their parents. With good reason I may add.
For me, my issues with my parents had been, for the most part resolved. my relationship with them was very good. They were two of the loveliest people I knew and I was proud to call them my parents. They raised me with with love and respect. They were not perfect but they were pretty darned good.
So here I am this time later, at age almost 60, and though I am moving on okay, doing all the things I need to for myself, getting counseling, exercising, getting support, talking about them, working, etc., etc., there are times when I just want to fall to my knees and screaming till my lungs pop out, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
-
Just thought I would join this group now that I am a widower. My wife passed away May 28th. She was "The Wind Beneath My Wings". When I met her, I was a drunken, dope smoking, fighting, hell raising biker. She told me if I could get rid of the inner storm within me, that I could be a blessing to people. God placed her in my path to stop me. I have been drug and alcohol free now for 53...
-
My husband and I got our foster license last month, after 3 years of hard work (we had to start over multiple times due to family dramas and Mom's open heart surgery). We spent a year preparing the whole house, guest rooms, and children's bathroom for older kids of 7 yr old and up. Then we got a call that we have been approved to receive twin newborn premies. What, what?!! Babies!? Premies?!...
Best Wishes....Rob
Are you like me? You can always think of something you want to tell or ask your Mom?? You want to just pick up the phone and call her every day? You miss kissing your Dad on his balding head? I could go on and on about the things I miss.
No one had BETTER tell me it "was the best for them" that they passed away!! They're likely to get a fist!! LOL That's a very cruel thing to say.
Again, Hobbitville, I'm so sorry for your loss. I certainly know how you feel. If I could ease your pain I would. God bless and you're in my prayers. Hugs, Lee
I can identify myself with your pain.Take care of yourslf.Lots of love.May God bless you.
My Mom was the epitomy of strong, determined, lovely, kind-hearted, generous woman. She had a short hospital stay to treat her a-fib. Was put on Coumadin, she was a severe fall risk due to drops in BP, etc. I went to pick her up the day she was to be released to take her home, but docs kept her again. That visit, I asked if anyone had brought Dad to see her and she said no. I told her I'd go get Dad and bring him back for a visit. She was so cute, said she was a mess, so I helped her fix her hair, find a little lipstick, just a little something for her honey lol. Brought my Dad there to visit, got phenomenal photos of them together, smooching. So sweet. I planned to go there the next day but she called and said they wanted her to stay one more night. She was so mad. She wanted to be home to take care of Dad. She got up on her own to go to the bathroom and the alarm on her bed was disabled - to this day we don't know why. She fell in the bathroom and ct scan showed massive hemorrhage (over 1/2 her brain). Was on life support in ICU until family members gathered to take her off the support per her wishes.
Dad could not live alone, so he was planning to move in with us. I would take care of him, take him to his doctors, etc. Within a month of Mom's death, he fell in his home and went to the (same) hospital. They really couldn't figure out what was going on with him...all sorts of things that didn't make much sense, really. He then was going to still move in to my house, but needed a little extra "stuff" and a hospital bed was ordered, all equipment he would need, etc. He spent about a month lying in that hospital bed, me sleeping in the chair beside him, holding his hand each night. He ultimately just died of a broken heart, really. He missed his wife of 58 years.
And if anyone had told me they were "better off" I probably would have smacked the crap out of them. That's a cold, heartless thing to say. I was glad they were now resting in peace, I was glad they were together, I was glad they were not in pain anymore. But NOBODY was "better off."
I had a very difficult time coping with their losses, especially so close together. This all happened last year. I never thought I'd see the day when it wasn't so unbelievably painful to miss them so dearly each and every day.
I didn't get to bring Mom home from the hospital and I didn't get the chance to take care of my Dad. Most of my siblings had a lot more experience with deaths; I had very, very little.
BUT IT GETS BETTER ~ IT TAKES TIME ~ BUT THE PAINFUL DAYS WILL SOON BE OUTNUMBERED BY "NORMAL" DAYS.
BIG BEAR HUGS FOR ALL.
It had been hard. But the ups continue to last longer, a bit at a time, and the downs are not as bad or numerous. So I guess I am creeping forward, a bit faster now. Yet I still have times when I think about the situation of losing them both like that and I cannot believe it. Tell the truth, I occasionally feel like sucking my thumb! At almost 60 mind you.
But I have made it through this journey fro two years, and am amazed I survived it. But I know I have because of them and what they taught me. So they live in me and in my strength and tenacity. Can't say better than that.