Bereavement Support Group
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i found Brads diary.It was full of hate towards me.Brad was very much bothered about the age difference and wanted to have children.He never discussed this with me and I have been crying all day because it was full of hate.He called me the old bag.He called me a dried up witch and all of the names that he called me simply are not true.The average age now to be a widow in the state of Washington is 50.And these women that I have met simply like recluses without their husbands.One woman here did not know how to write a check.Another woman here did not anything about the bills.Now they are in the dumps trying to cope with widowhood and trying to cope on how to pay bills.I always had my own money and was called selfhish.Is it selfish to be taught money troubles are everyones problems and you must learn to deal with what you have?I dont think so.Brad was bothered about the age difference.When an older woman dates a younger man....there are problems.There are so differences and when they marry the difference add up.First you have to deal with his children.How dare they? They have been on their own since18 and they should learn to mind their own business.As for inhertiance who ever said that I have to leave all of my money to my children when I pay for their education and stuff until they are 18? And this is where we have difference.If you continue to pay your childrens bills and such.....they become dependent and this is what happened to Brad.18 for a girl.21 for a boy.And that is where I drew the line.No more money will be available.i also dont believe in paying for a wedding.Parents here are in the hole because of the price of these silly weddings.It is up to the engaged couple to have things before they they married.If they are working they should have a blender and such and stuff for the house.I am sorry.I am not spending any of my money on their household..Mine is enough.Brad wanted to be supported all of his life by his parents and this is an immature way to think.Brad and i had five good years.He was clean and sober for 5 good years.We did not fight.He did not hit me.He did not cheat on me and he did not bla me me for not having children and I realized a long time ago that I was searching for love and approval.Brad knew this,.But he kept his hate inside of him.He blamed the age difference.SO gentlemen,if there is an age difference please do not get married or have a relationship.Find someone within your age .Do not attach yourself to someone older to fight with or try to change.I am a much better person now and I know now this..my Brad did not love me.I never knew love.I want to know what love is.Iw ant to hear the words..I love you..but at 63 it aint happening and I am destined to spend the rest of my life alone and forsaken./....like in thatgreat Hank Williams song...alone and forsaken by god and by man..ANd i am trying to live the rest of my life doing and singing my music and realzing the users come in all shapes and sizes.As the 1980s song goes..LOVE SUCKS.BY VADER.
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My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...
I know the kid thing is a difficult one, but you have to take care of yourself. They're old enough now to figure this living business out for themselves. After all, we did...didn't we...?
But, I am also confused. In the post the day before this one...you stated how Brad beat you during the 12 year relatinship. Yet, today, he was great to you for 5 years.
I was also shocked to the list of crminal activity and honestly confused as to how soeone with such a long list ofr federal offense could be ut of prison and not even on parole. How did he hide this from you for 12 years? Because you say in that post that you did not know about it until afterwads. 6 kidnappings alone is major ....it just rattles my brain!
Clearly, Brad has issues with drugs and crime that you could not control and the final decisons for his life sadly have changed yours. And his treatment of abusing you also changed you.
Age has little to do with decisions like those. Do not blame yourself. I, again, suggest you get conseling for being the survivor of suicide and spousal (girlfriend) abuse.
I've been married twice to younger women and aside from normal disagreements all humans have, there was no age related problems
My 1st wife died of cancer and my second wife decided that she was a lesbian after several years of marriage. It wasn't due to age difference or that I wasn't man enough for her, she lived a lie and I'm happy she found happiness whether with me or not.
Your boyfriend Brad sounds like a career criminal and drug addict/alcoholic should have been put in prison without parole. Nobody deserves abuse in any relationship and the fact he beat you and you stayed despite 5 years of total turn-around behavior out of 12 is ironic, and confusing. Don't say I don't understand abuse because I am a man, because I experienced it in childhood. From the sound of your situation, you are lucky he did not kill you but spared your life for some reason. He was a pain in deep pain that he chose to end.
It's not to late for you to take control of your life and realize you were not to blame for the lies he left behind for you to read. Join some groups, seek therapy and be brutally honest, for as they say, "truth will set you free."
God bless you & the struggles you face.