Hi. I'm new to the group and would like to share my experience.
My mom began not feeling well in December of 2017. After countless doctors visits that led us nowhere, in March of 2018 my mom ended up in the emergency room. The doctor noticed a mass on her ovaries, he concluded she had ovarian cancer. She was hospitalized that night and during her stay we met with several doctors and oncologists. After a bunch of tests we had the official diagnosis; stage 4 colon cancer. I cried all night. I thought to myself that this wasnt fair. I did research and the survival rates were low. My mom went into this positive. We started chemo as soon as possible. Towards the end of april, the cancer cells in her body decreased quite a bit which was good news. However, she had noticed that her vision was messed up on the left side. She mentioned it to her doctor and he ordered an MRI. After the MRI, we waited for the results which came within the hour. It turns out that she had been having several mini strokes. They once again hospitalized her. It was that stay in the hospital that things took a turn for the worse. Doctors discovered a growth on her main heart valve and linked it to the cause of her strokes. My mom, along with the doctors, decided to stop treatment. I was devastated. My mom had such a positive outlook that I left the hospital feeling good. I told her goodnight and that i loved her, waved to her and let her know I would be back in the morning and left. Around 7:30am the next day, I recieved a phone call from my dad. I kept saying hello but couldn't here anything. Finally I noticed him crying and asking someone if she was going to be okay. My mom had a MAJOR stroke and was no longer to talk or open her eyes. She had limited movement with her arms. That day was filled with various family members coming to visit and say their goodbyes. The next day we took her home and put her in hopsice care. We took care of her for the remainder of her life. She passed away on May 20th, 2018.
I feel so lost without her in my life. I don't know how to grieve. Everything happened so fast that I still find it difficult to wrap my head around it. I'm sad all the time and I feel like after the first month of her passing, everyone expects me to just be okay again. My mom was supposed to be there for me. She was supposed to see me get married and have children. We had plans to travel to so many different places. She was supposed to see me succeed in life. She was supposed to be there for me. I need a mothers advice. I'm just at a lost of what to do.
Any adivce is appreciated.
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Minday in therapy I shared a memory I recalled where I witnessed a sexual assault on my mother by my biological father. So I also shared memories I had where my father was violent or abusive during my childhood. I got so worked up that I was shaking. I never shared ANY of that with anyone, even my first therapist who I trusted implicitly. I processed some of the emotions I felt then and now. My...