Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
Hi. I'm new to the group and would like to share my experience.
My mom began not feeling well in December of 2017. After countless doctors visits that led us nowhere, in March of 2018 my mom ended up in the emergency room. The doctor noticed a mass on her ovaries, he concluded she had ovarian cancer. She was hospitalized that night and during her stay we met with several doctors and oncologists. After a bunch of tests we had the official diagnosis; stage 4 colon cancer. I cried all night. I thought to myself that this wasnt fair. I did research and the survival rates were low. My mom went into this positive. We started chemo as soon as possible. Towards the end of april, the cancer cells in her body decreased quite a bit which was good news. However, she had noticed that her vision was messed up on the left side. She mentioned it to her doctor and he ordered an MRI. After the MRI, we waited for the results which came within the hour. It turns out that she had been having several mini strokes. They once again hospitalized her. It was that stay in the hospital that things took a turn for the worse. Doctors discovered a growth on her main heart valve and linked it to the cause of her strokes. My mom, along with the doctors, decided to stop treatment. I was devastated. My mom had such a positive outlook that I left the hospital feeling good. I told her goodnight and that i loved her, waved to her and let her know I would be back in the morning and left. Around 7:30am the next day, I recieved a phone call from my dad. I kept saying hello but couldn't here anything. Finally I noticed him crying and asking someone if she was going to be okay. My mom had a MAJOR stroke and was no longer to talk or open her eyes. She had limited movement with her arms. That day was filled with various family members coming to visit and say their goodbyes. The next day we took her home and put her in hopsice care. We took care of her for the remainder of her life. She passed away on May 20th, 2018.
I feel so lost without her in my life. I don't know how to grieve. Everything happened so fast that I still find it difficult to wrap my head around it. I'm sad all the time and I feel like after the first month of her passing, everyone expects me to just be okay again. My mom was supposed to be there for me. She was supposed to see me get married and have children. We had plans to travel to so many different places. She was supposed to see me succeed in life. She was supposed to be there for me. I need a mothers advice. I'm just at a lost of what to do.
Any adivce is appreciated.
Thanks.
-V
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Here is my new brother, copper :) He's so tiny! Moo and Tuck were ok with him on first meeting. Rocket due to his severe aggression will never meet Cooper.
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https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTDeA9Wxg/
I am not a mom, but I can give you my advice from a son's and brother's point of view.
When my sister died (at about age 55) it hurt, but since dad took it hard and mom even harder, I was there for them. When mom died it hurt, but since dad took it very hard I was there for him. When dad died, there was a sort of alone thing that my wife and children did not understand.
(I had lost my birth family. That is something all in its own. Kind of like a 4th loss for me.)
I guess my point is that putting off the grieving process, even if the reasons are noble and selfless, just makes it worse. Give yourself permission to let lose. Cry, scream, get angry, get sad, get sullen, get anything except for quiet. For most of the people I know getting our emotions out, even if they make no sense, is crucial to processing it.
I allowed myself to get angry at my sister for passing away and not being there to help me with mom and dad. It was somewhat of a shameful experience, but once I got it out I was one step closer to better.
My wife found a bereavement class for me at a local hospital. It did not matter that none of my losses were at that hospital, nor did it matter that I did not worship the same way that the leader of the class did. Being there with strangers who were dealing with losses just helped a LOT!
What sort of support network do you have? How is your dad holding up? Do you have siblings, cousins, aunts or uncles who may be of some help? Friends can help too.
Sorry to go on and on.
Gentle hugs
My mom was my greatest loss as far as impact and it hurts for a very long time
A RL support group for bereavement can help you to work through your feelings in a place that you feel supported
Grief is a process and it takes time..... We grieve in our own way in our own time
There will come a time that you can celebrate your mom and her life again though.... I can laugh at times when I think of some of the great times I had with my mom however it took some time to get to this place
Another hug and a blessing.....xo
I married the following year. My wedding was very small but I was happy because I was madly in love. I had the first of my 2 boys three years later & had his brother 3 years after that. I still missed my mother terribly but realized I didn't want my grief to overshadow my sons' childhood.
Over time, the pain over my mom lessened, I guess because I created a new life for myself. And nowadays the loss of my mom is only the second most terrible loss in my life. You see, I lost the older of my 2 sons four and a half years ago. And this loss is so traumatic that it has pushed my mom's loss down to the number 2 spot. Loss of a child is supposed to be the worst thing a parent can ever go thru. I believe it! Even with counseling & anti-depressants, it's still hard because I miss my 29 year old!! He left no wife or children. I believe that with a child, I would have a little of him left to hold to.
I have a small granddaughter now by my younger son & she does help to lift my spirits a little. But she does NOT take the place of my lost son. No one ever will. Well, I didn't mean to ramble. I think, in time, a long time, that your grief over your Mom will back off some. You'll be able one day to talk about her or reminisce about her with a smile. And the thought of her will bring you joy. Believe me, it happened for me & I believe it will happen for you, too. Seek help, if you need to . I was also blessed with a wonderful mother-in-law & I hope someone like that will be in your future, too. Just don't give up because you've got a lot of life ahead of you. Sending thoughts and prayers, Donnasd