Hello, I've been in need of a little extra support and thought daily strength would be a good place to go. I've been apart of groups in the distant past and they have been very helpful when active. Anyways, I guess I'll just jump into it. My father, 54 yrs old, ended his life on the 19th of september, 2023. I will not go into any of the details. He did however leave a note, of which I have not and will never read other than what he wrote to me personally. That part I had my mom read to me. This has all been so devestating and confusing. At first I wracked my brain constantly wondering if there was something I could have done to stop it. I personally have struggled with suicidal thoughts due to my BPD and severe depression. I should have seen something. The more I thought about it the more I saw signs. But there's no way I would have been able to guess that that is what was going on. During his last days he was acting so happy. I thought it was his new found faith because he was talking about that a lot and we were having these really awesome discussions. We were repairing our relationship the last 3 months of his life. We didn't have a good relationship for almost my entire life. Now he's gone and we can't continue that. It breaks my heart so much. I wanted a dad so bad and I finally got him and now he's gone. I'm going to therapy once a week and taking my meds, but I'm so brokenhearted.