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I am 31 years old and have had a hellish three months. My boyfriend went into a 30 day rehab program for alcohol on NYE. Three weeks home, he relapsed. Relapsed bad. He started drinking almost a handle of vodka a day. On March 25th, exactly 2 weeks home from rehab, he passed away. This has been the most traumatizing experience I've ever had and I'm not sure how to get through it. He lived around the corner from me in the apartment community that we lived in and I feel like I have to move now because the thought of him not being here is sickening.
This is something your boyfriend did and had control over and came out of rehab and did not seek aftercare or support groups relapsed and apparently did not seek continued help and did not want to stop.
Alcohol was his best friend and he was putting it before anyone or anything, including his own health. On TV they said the worst time is after rehab because the system is so void of alcohol or substances (depending on the addiction) and then the addict goes relapses and goes full blast again and they typically kill themselves because their body no longer has the tolerance for the large amount.
I wish you would attend an Al-Anon group to get help for what happened and to understand that you could not help him, you could not stop him and even being with him 24/7 you could not have prevented him from killing himself because he would have done it anyway when you were asleep or out shopping. This was all him and you hold no responsibility for any of this.
It would probably be a good idea to consider some therapy also to help you get through and understand you have no responsibility in any of this. Many, many hugs.