Tomorrow is the beginning of the New Year.It has been a rough two years.But with the fantastic people at Daily Strength I have pulled through and I am making plans for a trip back East.I havent spend Thanksgiving in New York since I left and so Next Thanksgiving I will be in the Big Apple.But let me say this.Words do hurt.Sometimes the person doesnt know that they said it.And believe me...some people are bulls in a china shop they will say their opinion (just like Archie Bunker) even when it is not called for.This is the New Year.Lets not have words divide us.Think before you say a word of sympathy.Now a few years ago,I read in the paper that my ex best friends husband died.I sent her a card of sympathy and after two months I called to offer more condolsence.She was very curt and nasty.You see he died in a hotel room with another woman and noone really knows what happened.Neither does she.What can I say? You can say I am sorry.You can say I didnt know and lots of people dont know thatBrad is dead.We were not married.We were together for 12 years and he was clean and sober for five.I still dont know what happened and i still blame myself.I failed to pick up any of the signs.I am like the mother of the one of the assassins of Columbine and I will never forgive myself for this.I did not see thatBrad was in pain and if I did I would have made for an intervention.I dont know if interventions work but he would still be alive and things would have gotten straightened out.But i didnt speak the proper words.I met a lady whom I havent seen for ages.She asked about Brad.I told her that Brad died.She asked how.Then I started to weep in the middle of the store.When I told her that Brad committed suicide...she let out a scream."I didnt know." she said.and then she said
"vader,I am so sorry.But Brad didnt seem to be the type." And thats where it ended.And this is where the words hurt.What type of person does she mean? I mean Brad was always smiling and he was noone knew his ;pain because Brad was always joking.And i mean stupid jokes.His type of humour was like David Letterman and this would annoy me.I realize now that I have hurt him by appreciating his jokes.i realize that words would have prevented this.Then I was asked on the same day"What was in the will?'" And this hurt me the most.Number one.Brad was 49 years old when he died and he did not leave a will.My name wasnt on his life insurance at work.In fact...he left everything to his nephews.My name wasnt on anything.It was like I never existed.In fact,thinking back,Brad never took me to company functions and I never met any of his co workers.In fact,I dont know who they are.All I know is the name of the girl who took his dues.I still dont know why.And I still hurt.I had to sell certain things just to survive.Brad left me almost penniless and it was if he planned this.And not everbody puts a death notice in the paper in seattle because it is very costly.I didnt do it.I couldnt afford it and I still feel bad about it.So asking how a person dies,and what was in the will is rude and crude and ill mannered.And let me tell you why.A will does not concern any of these friends.They were not close nor were they close family.So where do they assume that they will be left something? This is just gross.And why are people who were not there concerned how Brad died? Why does this matter? So let me say this..Words and actions hurt and please think before you speak.That is all.vader.