Honestly I think people are truly ignorant. I don't think they do anything to intentionally hurt us or make us feel more miserable. They just lack understanding. Everybody grieves differently also so it's hard to know the right thing to do in those situations. I try to have compassion on the people who don't understand my pain. In part because I was clueless until I went through it myself.

I don't think that they mean to be insensitive. Maybe they just don't really know what to say so they are acting normally. I lost my husband, June 25th....then 3 months later, I lost my father in law.... I have had friends tell me that they just don't know what to say....

Granted, there are those that are simpy thoughtless!!! Like the person who told me at my husband's funeral, that I was still a young woman,!!! I almost got sick!

I pray that you and your family find peace.....

I make a practice of making cards for anyone that has had a loss during the year. I won't send a Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays card. I just make a winter scene on the outside & inside I put "During this His season I wish you Love, Peace & Family Near" or some such thing. I lost my husband six months ago & have only gotten one unappreciated card so far. Most have just written a short note letting me know that they understand how hard this first Christmas must be & that I am in their prayers. One woman spent a page and a half complaining about her husband. I want to tell her the hell that I am going through without mine. Hang in. There are a lot of jerks out there. Always have been ~ always will be. Some may have inserted a letter by mistake. I send out over 100 cards and sometimes I just dont have a lot of concentration going for me. Hugs, Val in TX

I agree-people just don't think. After my son passed away on Dec 25,2007 someone who I thought was a good friend, told me I ought to think about getting a dog! A dog to replace my son...I couldn't believe my ears.
Hang in there. I think because people don't know what to say that they end up saying something totally stupid. The lesson I learned was to be more compassionate myself. Know I care and wish you and your family the peace and comfort you deserve. Roselle

People don't rerally think not out of meaness but out of spaciness. They print a standard Christmas Letter, pull out their address list from lst year print the labels and just send them out. It's just like a robot. In their heads this time of year there is a list of things to be done and they just check off the list Christmas Cards/Letters done. I am so sorry for your loss and how hard this is for you and your family only time and faith will heal your wounded hearts. I hope and pray that you and family find some peace and comfort during this Christmas season. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. XO :)

I don't think they are being insensitive or forgetful. They are trying to bring you cheer with good news. They seem like many people, to be trying not to bring up the negative and bring you down.

I am quite the opposite of you- I hate it when people ask me about my mother, if I miss her, or how I feel around special occassions because these are times that I want to be happy and not deal with the pain of her loss. It is not that I am forgetting her- I think about her and grieve a little each day BUT someone bringing those thoughts out in the open does not help me with my grief.

Be happy for your family, anyone of you could have been the one to suffer such a great loss. It does not sound as if they are trying to rub your face in their happiness, so please try not to be jealous of or put them down for being happy- this is what breaks families up. Instead, acknowledge them and let this bring you all closer together, let your other family members fill in a small part of the void that your brother left behind. No, they will never replace him, but they can help support you if you let them know your needs.

I don't think they are being either. They are just trying to share their happiness and life with you. Losing someone is hard I lost my dad in September. But I will be shouting Merry Christmas because it has always been a joyful time, with plenty of cheer and beer! and I doubt my dad would want it any other way for us and he will always be with us and in our thoughts. What would your brother think? That's probably the most important question to ask.

My niece sent me a birth announcement/baby blessing(christening) invitation just a few weeks after my baby daughter died. The reason why getting it was hard was because it reminded me of what i didn't have anymore. It is probably the same your mother feels, those letters and cards are like rubbing salt in her wound. The problem is that all those people have no idea of the pain they are causing so there isn't really anything you can do. Except maybe not open any mail!