Why can't I get the images of my mother's final weeks out of my head? All I can see is her sitting in her recliner covered up, not talking, and not eating. Then to the hospital for a week, same thing, not talking and not eating. Then to a nursing home for 2 weeks, same thing. She was so unhappy. Finally to hospice where she did smile some but was fading fast. Next images are of the night we sat by her side while she slowly left us, her last heartbeat, and then nothing. Next image is the first time I saw her at the funeral home. Even though she "looked like" Mom, she wasn't there. I want to remember her even 2 years ago. I want to remember her younger, vibrant, alive, smiling, laughing, and loving. I've tried looking at pictures from years ago but it doesn't help - I don't recognize her. Will these current memories ever fade so I can remember "my Mom"? It's only been 4 months 5 days so I realize it's all still fresh. I just want to remember my MOM!
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