Bereavement Support Group
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It was 5 years on May 22nd,that my boyfriend of 12 years killed himself and it has been a trauma for me...you see I want to know why.I still ponder this question.Everyday I ask...what did I do wrong? Is it wrong to ask this? Is it wrong to doubt? Does anyone have any answers////If there anyone who has experienced it? The loneliness is driving me crazy.Please help me.vader.
fish320
Hi Vader - I lost my husband to suicide in April. It is a devastating loss that has no answers and is filled with so many questions. You did not do anything wrong, nothing you could have done or said could have stopped him from taking his own life. It is normal to doubt, and wonder what if. We as the survivor tend to take on guilt that does not rest on our shoulders. My husband was depressed, there is no way I could get in his head and alter what was going on. No matter what the circumstances were with your boyfriend there is no way you could alter his mind. Please let go of any guilt or doubts you have. I can't imagine, especially at this stage, that I will ever "get over" this loss. I can only hope some day it will stop hurting, and I will learn to cope with this new life without him. Be good to yourself Vader. Hugs, Jane
vader
thank you for your reply.All i can say is that suicide is the pits and when that happens stranger then things happen.People stopped coming over and i have been dropped from friends.Its like there is a curse about suicide.All i know is that Brad was depressed and I could not see the signs and I dont know what else to say or do except to tell Brad if he can hear me I am sorry and I wish I was here to provide the answers.Thanks for the reply once again I remain Vader.
kadji
Vadar, I share your pain about feeling guilty, my Jimmy died two weeks ago and I can't stop feeling guilty about not insisting who go in to the ER for his arm pain. He died in his sleep from a heart attack. People say we are not to blame ourselves for things not in our control. I just think when the good Lord calls us home it is meant to be. I hope you find peace, and please don't blame yourself. May God bless us all in our journeys. kadji
koolman
To know why means to know Brad. I'm sure it had nothing to do with YOU; he was just battling his own internal demons.
deleted_user
My nephew committed suicide and at times I have had suicidal thoughts just because of the amount of pain and grief I have had in my life (I was assaulted sexually by 4 different men age 6-15, had to get myself help, lost 8 people in the span of 10 years including my mom whom I adored, was held at gunpoint, had a severe car wreck, went through a separation, the list goes on and I am just 40). What I can tell you is it is most definitely NOT about you. When I have contemplated suicide it was because my pain was so extreme I could no longer cope and couldn't see a way out. I had isolated myself from everyone. The only thing that stopped me from ordering a gun and pulling the trigger at that time was I had no money to my name, which is actually quite comical and I accidentally stumbled on a website when trying to order the gun that told me what I was going through and what to do. Know there is no why...just what. What occurred it he committed suicide and the pain that it has left you is extraordinary. Shit happens and it sucks beyond measure because there is always an impact. What you are going through is normal and it's okay. First and foremost be compassionate towards yourself and know that people care and are listening. I'm listening. I hope this provides you some peace.
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