Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
I had to write this column.I joined a grief therapy group.I went twice.And the reason why I quit i found out that the leader did not have a masters of
psychology.She wasnt even a teacher.Her husband was in real estate and she didnot work.She volunteered at various places in Seattle.Her picture was in the paper.She was and still is a very nice person.When it was announced about this group.I joined and I met people that I never met before..but they are not my friends.We dont like the same things.We just saw each other at the group.I still am broken up about Brad.he treated me like crap the last few months of his life.He was having all sorts of affairs and indulging in meth.My life was hell and he knew it.The abuse I suffered from April until May 2009...I will never tell anyone again.Why? Because noone believes me.They just dont believe that I stayed.The truth of the matter is...I tried to leave.All of the shelters were full.I was told to come back next week.I called during the week and was put on a list.They did not offer other alternatives.i only had 200.00 saved.200.00 isnt enough for seattle.It cant get you a hotel room,but I was greeted with comments."Why didnt you leave?" "He couldnt have been that bad.You were together 12 years." "Alcoholics always attract depend people." I met Brad at 48 and wasnt dependent at all.I wasnt working but i was on my own.i stayed home taking care of my aging mother and brother.Noone believed me.And to make all matters worse,
she wasnt qualified to give advice.She took business in college and
she married well.She did not and never has used her degree.Look,
I wish I could do charity work all day.It doesnt pay in seattle.The jobless
rate is 250,000 people are out of work.Some may lose their homes,
I may lose my house of three years.I cant get a job.I cant get rental
assistance.At this point,I am at the breaking point because noone
has and will believe me about Brad.I havent made it up.I had a black eye.
Unfortunately,black eyes and bruises disappear.This woman gave me
advice.I believe her.I believed her credentials....But i am finding out
that her advice was bad and none of the programs that she told me
about exist.And this hurts me.This is why I will only accept advice from the
people who write and work at DS.There are many support groups in
the United States.Support groups now in the United States is up.The
amount of people going has increased.Domestic Violence is up.So far
this year,5 women or more have been killed or injured because of
abusive boyfriends,husbands or parents.We cant let this happen.We
must have qualified people with psychology degree(not business)
and people who have had experience with the grief to lead a support group.Dont start a support group if you dont know what you are not
talking about.Always know your subject matter and to the people who
have attended and I dont wish anyone ill...to say people make up stories
with whant I encountered with Brad from April to May are low and a bunch
of cowards.I am the one who suffered.I suffered because i had no place
to go.I was on the edge of being homeless but I couldnt leave my cats
and I refuse to leave them now.I have had them for 12 years and 11 years.I have noone here to take care of them.They will come with me
no matter where I go.Now I love DS and all of the advice here is good,and
sensible.The people know what they are talking about.and this is
i write everyday.I cant wait for the wonderful friends and advice I
get from all of you.The moral of this parable is this......when
you are outside of DS and need a support group...BEWARE! there are
many unqualified leaders of these groups and you can get hurt,just as I was.
psychology.She wasnt even a teacher.Her husband was in real estate and she didnot work.She volunteered at various places in Seattle.Her picture was in the paper.She was and still is a very nice person.When it was announced about this group.I joined and I met people that I never met before..but they are not my friends.We dont like the same things.We just saw each other at the group.I still am broken up about Brad.he treated me like crap the last few months of his life.He was having all sorts of affairs and indulging in meth.My life was hell and he knew it.The abuse I suffered from April until May 2009...I will never tell anyone again.Why? Because noone believes me.They just dont believe that I stayed.The truth of the matter is...I tried to leave.All of the shelters were full.I was told to come back next week.I called during the week and was put on a list.They did not offer other alternatives.i only had 200.00 saved.200.00 isnt enough for seattle.It cant get you a hotel room,but I was greeted with comments."Why didnt you leave?" "He couldnt have been that bad.You were together 12 years." "Alcoholics always attract depend people." I met Brad at 48 and wasnt dependent at all.I wasnt working but i was on my own.i stayed home taking care of my aging mother and brother.Noone believed me.And to make all matters worse,
she wasnt qualified to give advice.She took business in college and
she married well.She did not and never has used her degree.Look,
I wish I could do charity work all day.It doesnt pay in seattle.The jobless
rate is 250,000 people are out of work.Some may lose their homes,
I may lose my house of three years.I cant get a job.I cant get rental
assistance.At this point,I am at the breaking point because noone
has and will believe me about Brad.I havent made it up.I had a black eye.
Unfortunately,black eyes and bruises disappear.This woman gave me
advice.I believe her.I believed her credentials....But i am finding out
that her advice was bad and none of the programs that she told me
about exist.And this hurts me.This is why I will only accept advice from the
people who write and work at DS.There are many support groups in
the United States.Support groups now in the United States is up.The
amount of people going has increased.Domestic Violence is up.So far
this year,5 women or more have been killed or injured because of
abusive boyfriends,husbands or parents.We cant let this happen.We
must have qualified people with psychology degree(not business)
and people who have had experience with the grief to lead a support group.Dont start a support group if you dont know what you are not
talking about.Always know your subject matter and to the people who
have attended and I dont wish anyone ill...to say people make up stories
with whant I encountered with Brad from April to May are low and a bunch
of cowards.I am the one who suffered.I suffered because i had no place
to go.I was on the edge of being homeless but I couldnt leave my cats
and I refuse to leave them now.I have had them for 12 years and 11 years.I have noone here to take care of them.They will come with me
no matter where I go.Now I love DS and all of the advice here is good,and
sensible.The people know what they are talking about.and this is
i write everyday.I cant wait for the wonderful friends and advice I
get from all of you.The moral of this parable is this......when
you are outside of DS and need a support group...BEWARE! there are
many unqualified leaders of these groups and you can get hurt,just as I was.
I am so sorry for you unsatisfactory experience. I found a grief support group through our local hospice. Jennifer, our group leader is a licensed grief counselor. i like her alot. i even go in a talk to her one on one at no charge. she makes herself available and i work around her scheduel. have you checked a hospice support group?
I know you may be thinking, Brad's death wasn't like those in hospice. I thought the same thing at first. But once I got there, i realized, loss is loss. two of my good friends now are V. and D. they both lost spouses to cancer. they are probably close to 80 years old. But we share the same pain. the same feeling of huge loss because we loved so deeply. they help me, i help them. just last week it was V.'s birthday so dee and i took him out to lunch. nothing big, just a sandwich. we also had support group that day and baked a pan of brownies to take to group for V.'s birthday. he hugged me after group and said it's the best birthday he's ever had. No one in the support group has lost anyone to murder like I have. some have lost people to car accidents, some to just old age, many to cancer. The most important lesson I've learned going there is our own grief is the worse because it's ours. but i've also learned how others hurt. no matter how we lose them, it hurts. jennifer helps me one on one with the homicide part of it. your grief and my grief is considered complicated due to the way Brad and Sandy died. it's difficult for others to understand. I hope you'll look into a hospice group. You never know, you may make some good friends and they will help you immensely.
hugs to you
Shirley
That sounds like an absolutely horrible experience. I think you were probably just very unlucky to end up in a group like that. I have never joined a support group other than online so cannot tell you from experience, but from what I have read from many on here, most of them are a big help and ones like you found are rare. I myself do OK with online sites. I have never been a social person and really don't care to mingle with people face-to-face. However, the support here at DS is unbelievable. I have only been using this site a week, but it has helped me tremendously. So, I say if you are the type that needs physical human interaction, don't be afraid to try another group. If you are more like me, who finds online support just as fulfilling, this may be enough for you. Just don't be afraid to trust people again because there are many, many good support groups filled with counselors and participants who are willing to listen and not question you.
As for people making those inconsiderate comments to you, well I think that just makes them look bad. No one can judge your actions and if they haven't been in your shoes they certainly cannot offer advice. I feel extremely blessed that my husband treated me wonderfully and wanted nothing more in life than my happiness. I can't imagine what you went through, but even I have enough common sense to know that a woman cannot just "leave." Even if the shelters hadn't been full, it is not easy to pack up and leave your home, your life, your pets, everything you know.
Also, I am sure you loved Brad no matter how he acted. We just can't help our feelings for someone even if our mind tells us not to, we have to listen to our hearts. I have a brother-in-law who is an alcoholic and has caused us many problems through the years. Despite all of that, I still love him and will help him any way I can. Yes, I get tired of his lies and "borrowing" money and things without our knowledge and he can say the most horrible, aggravating things when he is drunk. Believe me, I have been mad and disgusted with him many times. But when he is sober, he is one of the most lovable, funny, and helpful people you could know. I know this in no way compares to what you went through with Brad, but I know I still love my brother-in-law in a sisterly way and I can't ever turn my back on him. It would be so much harder to deal with this in someone you have a romantic relationship with.
You just keep venting here on DS and if you need real-life supporters, I am sure there are some good ones in your area. You just have to take the chance and find them.
Best wishes
Angie
Did your group facilitator advertise herself as having a psych degree? If she did and she doesn't, she needs to be reported.