Oh my god, I am so sorry. Do you have family and friends to help you through this? Either way I always advise getting some sort of counseling through a therapist (assuming you have the insurance or funds) or a support group. Also see your regular doctor. You may benefit from an antidepressant. I recently joined a Griefshare group. Google it. Its offered through churches all over the country (US). They only charge for a workbook and you can probably borrow one when you get there. Its also worth looking through all the book listings on that big on-line bookstore. There are many dozens to choose from. No, a book by itself will not get you through this. But some good ones will help you get started. Its a tough road but the only way to come to terms with it and have some amount of peace in your life is to go through the pain. Posting here and reading the replies will help a little but its not enough. God bless.

I have a supportive family but we are spread apart . I have seen a grief counsellor a couple of times , I will continue to go. I am trying to change things up a bit . I still have my daughter so I went to her place for Christmas. We are trying to create new memories that are happy. I am looking at going back to church and facing a few of the spiritual issues. I will check out the grief share group , thank you for the suggestion. I am trying to keep busy and also to be a solid presence for my daughter and son-in-law. Every day is a different kind of struggle. Sometimes I wonder if other people can see my grief it feels like every day I put on a parka sized jacket of sorrow and then pretend that I am okay.

Katpit, God's goodness to you. I pray for your fresh strength and hope today. Coming to this site is so wise of you. This shows that you are taking care of your heart and feelings. It is a sad welcome that I send you, with warm and caring hugs to uplift you. I pray for you to find a new church home. Many have experienced the same loss, so the church should have you covered with organized and helpful support. Keep in mind that it is well to spend a lot of time with family and friends, even far apart, there are many ways to keep in touch: letters, emails, texts, for example.

I am happy that you are taking counseling to heart. There will be times when you need to get some things off your chest. You will have a listening and understanding ear as you pour out your heart. Bless your efforts to find healing.

I understand how the mixed-up moods and emotions can be lowly some days. However, you and your daughter will bond in the soul as you will often think of your husband and son, both are resting with the Lord. And I admire that your son was putting in a fight to get over his addiction; glory to him for seeking to control his life. I am sad that he could not finish the liberation, yet his aim was in the right place before death called for him. I am sure that his courage will bless him to follow God's care and provision for him in the spirit realm or afterlife. Good that he is with his earthly father, and they may each help one another to fit in the comfort zone, finding the Lord's peace and joy, along with other departed loved ones and friends.

I will leave a link to a support group useful in managing this new role or widowhood:
https://www.dailystrength.org/group/widows-widowers

Great and hearty hugs to you today!

Big hug for you Kapit…. I am so very sorry for these terrible losses and the pain that you're in

I agree the Widows and Widower's group is good on here.... People are in different stages of healing though on there

A bereavement group for parents who have lost children or adult children may be a good support for you... You help one another through and you understand one another so it can be a good support

Another hug and a blessing....xo

so sorry for your losses Kapit

I know other people who have lost a spouse not long after they lost a child. It must feel like a cruel joke.

Wishing you strength to get thru this sad time.

Thank you for your support and advice. Remiah , SuncloudJD , and ThinksRAstinks . I appreciate the hugs and you are right it does feel like a cruel joke.

...each day is a journey; each day is a process. katpit, you are so welcome to every word posted here. Hugs today! :-)

Today should be a happy occasion. We were married February 10th 1979. I miss him so much. Don`t know how I got through the day.

Dear katpit, I have no adequate expression to fit the sentiment you deserve for this special occasion. Insofar as possible, you may prefer to do something small in remembrance of your wedding day, something with the thoughts of love from both of you. Can you recall some memory of a good time you had? Or share anything that comes to mind. I have great sympathy for you at such a time.

I know how difficult this seems for you. So sorry about this. I understand how you consider it a day that's lost and empty now. No person with an aching heart wants to dwell on the details of illness or the manner of death, sorrowful thoughts, especially when you come to the recalling moments of special events and those anniversary days. I believe that you made it through the day with sincerity alone, which is a value of shared love by each of you. So romantic. I think it imaginable to send yourself flowers today; a gift to you on behalf of your husband. You deserve the sweetness of personal attention today.

Thinking of you with caring thoughts today. Have a hug on me :-)