Honey, I will be pleasured to talk to you. Lewis is blessed. He has your love and you blessed him with keen attention. No matter what happens from this point on, your love is hopeful, permanent and unmoving; its your gift from Lewis. I am really sorry that you are shaken and feeling as though you are enclosed in a bubble. Yes, this is a human feeling, which expresses how losing a loved one strangely formulates within our grieving emotions. But hope is unbound, alive, very free and everlasting. Obviously, you are too young to live a pointless life. Lewis left you his fine example and his same good qualities will be available for you within another living persons character traits. You do have a valuable reason to carry on with your dreams and goals for a marriage and family. Maybe you will still be married by next year. Lewis would want you to be. Set your sight for someone who is just as lovable as your departed fianc was to you. Maybe this new person will have Lewis smile, eyes, color or even a way or two with words, just like him. You have a right to search out for his special features in that loving way. After all, you didnt fall in love with Lewis for just any old reason; it was a special purpose; something he did fascinated you with deep felt interest. Afterwards, what feeling developed within the relationship is by that which you were permanently impressed by, and that unique nature of love still lives on in others. Seek for it, because true love and a charming character never dies, and that is why you loved Lewis so much. He had a beautiful character which left a wonderful impression on your heart and mind. Lewis left you with his gifts (love, kindness, charm and hope, just to name a few of them). These gifts are still alive and will never leave you. Dont be afraid to let others further impress you with his gifts, my friend. I leave you my best, warm thoughts!

Thank you zyandra for writing to me. it gave me comfort to read. i joined this site as i felt like i needed to write how i was feelin. sometimes my friends and family ask me how iam and all i can say is "i dont know" how can i explain it...i cant! does pain fade? i have never had to deal with a broken heart, shock, anger, confusion and guilt all at once! my mind never rests until i eventually fall asleep it all just seems too much to cope with, i cant believe iam still alive from the amount of pain ive been going through...

Writing to you is not only my pleasure but my purpose. You see, Ive promised God that I will not see anothers wants and not share my caring spirit. You need comfort and I need someone to comfort. I want you to write most often about how you feel during these sad moments. I dont want to lose your attention anymore than you wanted to lose dear Lewis. Its only natural for all of us to want to reach out to you now with sympathy and understanding. Ive been where you are and I can understand your hopeless feelings. My heart is broken as I speak to you now; I am shocked by things as well; I am angry now because someone I love has offended me today; this act confuses me. Maybe we can pull together and share our pain and find proper answers. Please understand what Im saying is for our good, yours and mine.

Missing you, I didnt ignore your question on purpose yesterday. I needed an excuse to come back today, because I am hoping to keep this thread active for your comfort needs. You see, we have a short period of time during your grief cycle to reach in and pull you back out of the gloom, which is what I am attempting to do today. If no person tries to help you during this period of time, you will gradually seep into further despair day by day. So, please consider writing-out your feelings here as often as you can. No matter if anyone talks back. I will do my best to help, but there will be days that Im away for important personal reasons. You are important as well, so I will be checking on you as you respond to my efforts.

The question you asked is does pain fade. I will try to answer you.
To be frank, it depends on your impression of the term fading. Generally, most of us will say that the pain of human loss is constant. However others agree that the pain gradually subsides, or maybe you can say that it fades. Your relationship with Christ, your religion, or your spiritual life will help you find the right way to look at your struggles with grief more practically. Your natural, human system is in fighting of the shock of death. Just now youre emotionally shocked and bewildered by the separation of you and Lewis. You need to make sense of it. The only method in the world that explains the separation of body and spirit is the gospel of Jesus the Christ. When we listen to Jesus about the hope of seeing those we love by salvation, we have the sanity to be still and wait for Christ's will, which is eternal joy with our loved ones. The most creative thing that you can do for Lewis is to open your mind to Christ. Lewis is with our Savior Christ as we speak today. If you really desire the opportunity to spend eternity with Lewis, Jesus is you only option for removing your pain, dear one. Please consider going through these tough times of grief with Christ as your guide and comforter. Its so much easier in relation to dealing with the pain alone. I am sending you my warmest sentiments today. Please keep us informed of your progress. We all care for your best.

Thats so kind of you, i have had an ok(ish) day today. it was strange i went with lewis's mum to where she works in a school for speacial needs children. when i walked in a little boy called jonathan came up to me and said "good morning My name is jonathan whats your name?". It made me smile and its the first time that i really ment it. This little boy has problems with his bones and struggles to walk so he has to use a wheel chair yet he was so powerful to achieve to put a smile on my face. It made me look at the world in a totally diffrent light.

When i came home today i looked at lewis's georgous face in our tresured photo albums. i miss him so very much every day. he truly was the most wonderful Fiance. he protected me and made me feel very safe especially me being 5"1 and lewis being 6"3. he was my big friendly giant. I feel i do feel him around me sometimes. hope to hear from you soon. Sophie x

Sophie is such a pretty name and fits you. It sounds soft and cute. Lewis is built like a tank, lol! Oh what a treasure he is to you. You both are lovely! Thanks for sharing this photo!

By the way, how is Lewis mom getting by? I can imagine that the children at her work keep her active. And Jonathan is a gentleman; and a smart little tike at that! How about that?! Special needs children are so genuine, arent they, Sophie? I agree that what happened changes everything. Now your hopes are brighter. Jonathans strength may not be physical but his heart is amazing! Thank goodness for your smile. Bless that little one for helping you to refresh. Most likely you are relieved to smile. It feels good just to hear the promising news! My goodness, as tall as Lewis is he had to have played sports. Did you meet him at school? Its so strange how tall guys always seem to fall for girls that look up to them. And, yes, I am sure that you always felt safe with Lewis. And I know for a fact that he is watching over you. I knew that the first time I read the your o.p. I could strongly feel that he wanted me to tell you those words in response. And I really enjoyed writing them. Keep me updated. Blessings are to Lewis mom as well as to you, Sophie.
Please enjoy writing and sharing Lewis and your heart with us here at D.S.

Hello Sophie, I am Judy and everything Zyandra is telling you so important and true.
My heart goes out to you, the loss of your Lewis is very heartbreaking and you reaching out is the best thing you could do for yourself and Lewis.
I am putting my ticket in to be here for you too, so if one of us is away, you can talk to the other.
I agree it is important to keep writing and pour out your feelings, do not bottle them up.
I will be praying God gives you strength through this burden time of your life.
One thing I wanted to say is that when you can not sleep, pick up a pen and write a letter to Lewis, tell him everything that you wished you could of told him before he passed on.
Believe in your heart that he is reading it.
God Bless you

can

Thank you both for youe messages zyandra and judy. Lewis's mum i think puts on a brave face until no one is around. she told me when she takes the dogs for a walk she crys and crys. lewis has a little brother and i think she feels she has to be strong in front of him. I told her that not to hold all her emotions in and if she needs to cry then do. we are just all trying to be there for eachother. Im glad i get on so well with lewis's family, myself and lewis lived with them for a long while so we could save up and find a place of our own before we were due to be married.

today im going to meet a young girl simular to my age who lost her husband last year. She is a friend of a friend who kindley got in touch with me over the phone and asked if maybe i would like to meet up as only not so long ago she was in the same position as me, im a bit nervous but will see how it goes.

Whe you said "lewis is built like a tank" i laughed out loud. you wouldnt believe how much lewis would of loved to have you say that! a lot of our friends used to say it to him and he was not at all big headed but would smile softly and i knew he enjoyed the compliment! he was very fit and did boxing and weight training.

Its still so hard to believe how this 23 year old, healthy,happy go lucky, amazing guy has passed over. i miss calling him his nickname which was "mr bubzy" and he called me "mrs moo moo" lol my tears are coming now :( x

Awe Sophie, I am so glad you will be able to talk to another in person who knows your pain.
Do cry and let out your tears flow, it is not good to hold it in.
Yes, Lewis is built like a tank and I am sure he loved hearing that complement if he worked out so hard. just remember he is even built 10,000 x more magnificent now and he is still with you.
Carmelo and I had nicknames too, His was Soulful hunk (LOL) and mine sultrybaby (isn't that funny?) we did not care if others thought it was silly but it meant so much to us.
Hugs Sophie, I pray you find much needed Peace in this meeting with this young girl.

Hi Sophie,

I am sure that Lewis wants to tell you that he loves you and you are an amazing woman! His life was all about his love for you and the future you both planned. The plan is still living inside of you, and Lewis will do all he can in the spirit realm to pray for your well-being and safety. It is very important for you to remember him and laugh out loud about him as much as you wish. He loves to hear your laughter and he can hear you, even in his spirit zone; your joy is more important to him now than ever before; that will always be his pleasure, your voice and laughter and joy. And I felt shivers all over me as I read about Lewis today. I tear up just imagining what its like to know such a strong young man. Please take your time and, when you feel up to it, share more about Lewis with us. I love him just by hearing of your warm, sensitive expressions of love. And, yes, I would tell him right to his handsome face that hes a tank, lol! I can just hear and see him laughing now. I only personally know one weight lifter. I so admire the ability to lift so much weight. Oh, how his family must miss him. Please tell his mom that Im feeling his spirit and Lewis is settled in well with the saints of God. He doesnt want anyone to worry or fret about him. He loves you all and looks forward to seeing all he loved and valued once again in the restored flesh. You each can still speak with him openly and he hears you. His spirit is not far away from this earth.

I am so glad that you had to chance to live together, and Im happy that you are there for his dear little brother and mom. Yes, Sophie, encourage her to let out her sad feelings. Oh, and Im so sorry for this other persons loss. How convenient it is for you both to share your grief. Please keep us informed of her progress as well. Its human to feel nervous and uncertain about meeting her. And Im sure that she is feeling the same with you. You will get along well though. I pray for both of you to find peace and comfort.

How cute your pet names are, mr bubzy and mrs moo moo, lol! Where did you get them? Oh my, its easy to tear up isnt it, Sophie? We can get by. Lewis is still the same person; he is only resting in peace for a short while. He will be back with you for good real soon.

Keep moving with hope!

Zyan

@Judy, hi my friend. Thanks for looking in on Sophie! And where did you and Carmelo get your pet names. Cute! Have a wonderful day!

I met up with the girl and she was so lovely. its been a year and a half since she lost her husband. it was so easy to talk to her as we can relate in so many ways. she said she would be there for me as much as i wanted.

I would like to tell you a little about my georgeous fiance lewis. Where do i start! lewis liked to live for the moment, he would always like to make things happen right then and there! like for instance we went to go and view a car, it was a beautiful car and went on to be lewis's pride and joy! i said "ok babe you like the car but maybe you should go and have a little think about it first" and lewis said "oh no this is the one its mine". this is one of his many traits that i fell in love with more by the second.

Then came the day when he decided he wanted to propose to me. His parents have told me how he got up and said that he was going to ask me to be his wife totally out of the blue. So later that day he took his aunt with him to help choose the ring (which is beautiful by the way) he then told close friends and family that he would propose to me at the weekend at my parents house and ask our nearest and dearest to come over to watch!. so this would be 3 days away from when he bought the ring. But lewis could not contain his excitment any longer so off he went to pick me up from work, drove me home opened my car door, dropped down on one knee and asked me to marry him! to say i was shocked was an understatment. It was by far THE best day of my life and i of course said yes.

From that day on myself and lewis had perminant grins on our faces. A memory that (at that point) made me the happiest girl alive and i will it tresure for the rest of my days

Mrs moo moo came about as i used to buy hundreds of cow pajamas which said moooo on them. and so it stuck.
Mr bubzy started off as Babe then bub then bubz then bubzy then finally mr bubzy lol x

Oh, Sophie!! As I was reading, I could just see your image. You talk about Lewis with a smile in your heart (I know it!) and thats how I read it, while smiling! You spoke about Lewis as if we are girlfriends having lunch along the beachside. I so enjoyed hearing it all!! Please keep the lovely stories going, because I want to hear them!

I know that the girl helping you feels the same about you. She has got to be thrilled with your character. You see, even though we are miles and miles apart, you have a way with words thats so friendly and exciting to me. Please keep me on track about how your visits with her are going. Pleas do. I am really glad that she will be there for you in person. Im that way for those closest to me during their needs, and I intend to give you (and others here at D.S.) as much online attention and support as I can.

LOL! Sophie, I love to live for the moment too! Why wait??!! I am a go getter! Lewis is practical! And so are you, because the best is to be sure before you make a move. But sometimes, and Im sure that Lewis is like this, you can feel that the time is right without questioning the conditions. So go for it!! Self-assurance is very attractive; and Lewis was; its no wonder you love Lewis so honestly. Out of the blue is how I see him asking to marry you. I'm not surprised :). Good choice of words, by the way, Sophie! I am sure that his mother knew where he was going with that idea long before Lewis did! LOL! I have a feeling that Lewis loved his mom so much, and confided in her with trust. Most likely, he is more like his mom in nature and has her sensitivity. And please post a picture of the engagement ring (if its not too personal). I can see Lewis trusting the aunt to help him find a ring. She had to have good, quality taste in jewelry. Oh, I can feel his joy for that day as I type. The aunt was certainly as excited as Lewis, Im sure. On bended knee is a gentlemans way to propose! We see that formal act amongst couples in the south of USA. Oh, Sophie, I can sense how shocked you were and how your life changed on that special day. For some reason I now feel to tell you to keep planning your wedding. Odd, but I do.

Oh, I love cow animations too! I dont know why, lol! But I really love the cow cartoon-like creations by any association (on clothes, books, fabrics, things). Cute nicknames for you both! I often refer to my husband as babe too. Babe is a common word of love with people who feel good while sharing time as a couple. I hear the term quite a lot around friendly married couples. So, you and Lewis are really off to a good start as a couple. And, notice that I deliberately speak in the living tense; because Lewis still lives as normal in your heart. You deserve to feel this because the hope of loving is still possible.

Thanks for sharing such a beautiful and romantic adventure about a wonderful young man. You are very blessed and so is Lewis!

...and as I think about it, what's wrong with still having a private ceremony of marriage. You have the ring. I am sure that this is not offensive, to go on with a wedding. Proxy is the word that comes to my mind. Use someone you and Lewis trusted to stand in his place at the alter. It can just be done to satisfy your hope. Even though it is not official, it is a sacred goal for you both. It is odd, but something you can consider.

Hi zyan,

your right! lewis confided in his mum very much and loved her with all his heart. he even called her "the dutchess" lol.

The day lewis proposed was so perfect, it was like somthing out of a movie! i wish i could turn the clock back to then with all my heart.

Lewis even had my name tattooed on his wedding finger. i was truly touched when he did this and thought to myself how lucky i was to have this handsome, fun, caring fiance and i dont think we could be more in love!

about the prive ceromny of marriage i dont think you can have that in the UK..? as lovely as it sounds though as i would love to be Mrs Sophie Allan, i would be honored to have his name.

Tonight im feeling blue. i can talk and reminice about my darling lewis, and it can bring a smile to me....but the pain inside me....Ouch :( .............. i yurn for his strong arms wrapped around me and his tender kiss.

Im sitting here now and (dont get me wrong im greatfull im talking to you,) but my phone hasnt rung or bleeped, my mum and dad are upstairs asleep, ive got no plans for tommorow......i dont really know what to do with myself as lewis was my life x