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In December of 2015, my dad went to the hospital. He had been fighting liver failure for two years, but because it is impossible to get insurance he was unable to go on the transplant list. We were told that we had six months, but in truth we ended up with three days.
He came home on December 23rd, we got Christmas with him, and he passed away the day after. I am still haunted by those days he was home, because I knew he was suffering and I didn't know how to make him feel better. He died while I was at work because since we only had my income and his and moms disability, we couldn't afford for me to not work. I wish I had skipped work that day, and been home.
Mom didn't want to tell me about his last moments, she finally did, knowing I would break down even more if I didn't know he probably felt no pain. I also found out that the young man that came with the funeral home to load my dads body, dropped him, and made comments about the body being disgusting and wishing he didn't have to touch it. (When my dad died, all of the fluid came out, sorry I know that is going to seem disgusting)
I am having a really hard time dealing with it, I was married a few weeks ago, and almost could not do it because he wasn't there, but I did because while at the hospital, he gave us his blessing. We had moved the wedding up because they had given us that 6 month belief, but we never got a chance.
I have nightmares most nights, sometimes they are of him walking in the door, healthy as can be, others are about the nights I watched over him when he tried to sleep.
My heart is so far beyond broken, I don't know that I will ever recover....
He came home on December 23rd, we got Christmas with him, and he passed away the day after. I am still haunted by those days he was home, because I knew he was suffering and I didn't know how to make him feel better. He died while I was at work because since we only had my income and his and moms disability, we couldn't afford for me to not work. I wish I had skipped work that day, and been home.
Mom didn't want to tell me about his last moments, she finally did, knowing I would break down even more if I didn't know he probably felt no pain. I also found out that the young man that came with the funeral home to load my dads body, dropped him, and made comments about the body being disgusting and wishing he didn't have to touch it. (When my dad died, all of the fluid came out, sorry I know that is going to seem disgusting)
I am having a really hard time dealing with it, I was married a few weeks ago, and almost could not do it because he wasn't there, but I did because while at the hospital, he gave us his blessing. We had moved the wedding up because they had given us that 6 month belief, but we never got a chance.
I have nightmares most nights, sometimes they are of him walking in the door, healthy as can be, others are about the nights I watched over him when he tried to sleep.
My heart is so far beyond broken, I don't know that I will ever recover....
Your father gave you his blessing, and that says a lot.
That is his permission to live a long and happy life! It will take time, but you can do it.
After a bit of time has passed all you need to do is give yourself permission to be happy. (Easier said than done, I know that from personal experience!)
You father and mine were very similar. My father was dying of liver failure, he was given 6 months to live, and somehow-we got 4 months out of him. I believe we would have had more if he had not chosen to go on hospice. He only lasted 10 days on hospice.
I can say I do not have nightmares about my dad, but I do see him in some dreams. The story you tell about the funeral home man who came to get him is beyond reproach! I hope that you were able to convey to someone how hurtful he was to your family. That should never have happened.