Bereavement Support Group
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I am 43 and just lost the love and light of my life this April 17th to what was an apparent sudden heart attack. He was only 53. When I lost him I also lost my stepson. We had a landscape/irrigation business but it was doing poorly and we were only getting calls in the spring. At the beginning of March he found full time employment with benefits. He was so happy. I can't understand how he can be gone. I hurt so bad I don't know how I haven't laid down in bed and just quit. I don't understand why. When he went off of the road (it clearly looked like an accident scene) no called 911 for over 20 minutes and there was plenty of traffic on this rd. All I can think of is if I had had one more cup of coffee with him he would have went down at the house,I would have known what was wrong and what to do ( I am a nurse). If someone had called 911 when he first went off of the rd. We have been together for almost 9 yrs and we were going to get married this year. My entire life has been ripped apart and I do not understand it. Everything was finally going good for us. I went from a full house and loving family to I now live alone. How do people survive this?
barbarame
One small step at a time. I am SO sorry dearxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
LoisBlaylock
So sorry for your loss.My heart breaks for you and it's still so raw.Not even been 2wks yet-you are no doubt still in shock.You now know what the rest of us know-How life can do a complete 180 on you.I lost my husband to cancer in 2004,in 2005 both of his brothers and both of our mothers died too.My brother died this past Feb and that now just leaves my son and I.I used to have a family and now i dont.I miss them-I miss my family so bad.It's horrible for me to be so alone.Yes i still have my son,but we are no help to each other,both in the depths of this strange world now.It's going to take you a while to adjust-do you have any other family?Friends you can lean on?Praying for you
deleted_user
I am so very sorry. Its horrible to try to deal wih all the what ifs and if onlys. Just know that others are thinking of you and sharing your pain. Everyone can give you all the platitudes and advice, however when it comes right down to it, sometimes life just sucks and we have to just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving. So keep moving and know that you are not alone.
ImissRay
I feel so lost. My house was always so full of him and his son. It is so empty now. The dogs finally quit looking for him to come home. I still beg to have him back every day. It seems that the mornings are the worst for me, that and I now live completely alone in a rural area. He was my best friend that I hung out with everyday. I am trying so hard to get into the groove of things but feel so disconnected from everybody. 8 yrs and 9 months together and I thought we had a life time. 100 yrs would not have been long enough. After all of this time together I still couldn't wait to get off of work and get home to The Big Guy.
LoisBlaylock
Yeah used to be couldnt wait to get off work and get home to my husband-today i got off work and it was so empty-no one to hurry home to.No one to spend time with any more.It's just heartbreaking and i dont want to do this anymore.
ImissRay
@ Lois. I feel the same way. It just seems that there is not much point to anything any more. My situation is compounded by the fact that I work pm's and weekends. When I am off everybody else is at work. I just miss him so bad. All I do is cry.
ImissRay
I am finding that I am working myself to exhaustion. I work Fri- Mon 2-10 p.m. then also on Friday and Sunday nights I work an additional 8 hrs, Tuesdays I work 10 pm t 6 am and back up by noon. I also volunteering for any outing the clients want o go on. From the 1st to the 15th of this month I will have something like 122hrs for a two week pay period. I just don't want to come home, but can't bear to sell the house he put the paint on the walls, tiled the floors put in the new faucets, hung all of the light fixtures and fans, built the bench in the garage and decorated the entire house. I am only sleeping 3-5 hrs a night and then about every 8 day I crash and sleep for up to 16 hrs. I am also losing weight. I hate this new life that I have. I want my old life back. I want my big 6'3 ornery redneck back. I want to be yelled at for dog hair on the couch and chicken poop on the floor. I want to walk out to the brooder shed and see my big tough guy holding the little banty rooster and telling it " are you daddy's little guy?" I want to wake up to him making breakfast. I want to be able to take Bubba J to school and pick him up and do homework with him. I want to stop hurting and feeling that life is so purposeless. I don't want to hold a cold metal container of ashes, I want the big warm guy that lived so loudly to hold. I just want him back. I scream at the sky at night :God if you are really there, then just this once prove it, give him back to me because I didn't just want him, I need him.
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