Bereavement Support Group
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I had posted in Family Issues, but was sent here instead. My husband and I have four sons, and I love them deeply, but I recently had a stillborn girl, and now I'm a mess. I feel like I am letting my sons down, and I'm not there for them. I'd much rather be by myself. My husband is gently trying to encourage me to move on, our sons need me and I can't deny that. But I can't do that because I feel like that means forgetting her.
I pray for God to bless you & your family during your moment of grief & I solemnly offer my condolences. This is a heartbreaking time. I know.
Speaking in the sense of the eternal spiritual plan, and not withstanding that your dear little daughter has returned home to live with God, yet through God's divine appointment you are still her parent, and even though she is within a temporary condition of change, she is at present your "spirit daughter" which is merely a change from one status of existence (earth) to another (heaven). There are many creative ways to develop a spiritual relationship with her. I am sure that you named her :-). Over time, she will communicate with you, only you should be calm in spirit with a peaceful mind, that you may better sense her presence. You still have a daughter and she wants very much for her earthly family to consider her as a crucial member of your beloved family unit. She survives in spirit form in a very unique & real way. And there is an afterlife. I promise you that...I've witnessed this mysterious heavenly life personally many times! It's beyond human understanding, unless guided by faith in God & wonderful, exciting spiritual power too.
Now, as with what you are thinking & feeling during spells of sadness, this is common or standard behavior as you seek to process series of up & down moods tied to your grief. And you will at uncertain moments feel exhaustion, which leads to discouragement or even unbound intentions to oblige to family responsibilities & friendships. Clearly, you have right to lower duties as a wife and mother until you've had sufficient time to battle off the great pain & upset this separation has caused. However, not all family activities, such as continual expressions love & care, should come to a halt. Only make sufficient choices to include your husband and sons in an organized way in which you are completely comfortable.
Adapt to spending only a few scheduled hours during each day planned out with your family, but please stay regular, as children do search & learn integrity from parents, so honesty & commitment are very important now. Keep in mind that, and I believe that you already understand this, your husband & sons are hurting as well and they need involvement with you in a sensitive way. Additionally, family is supposed to be priority & friends or outsiders can be put off until later, as times improve for you. And perform lightly as wife & mother for now until you've had a good time to consult and face-off with your pain. You can conquer through constant self-urging and confidence.
Lastly, I'd surely recommend getting advice from a doctor concerning what's happening with your moods & emotions. And you may be aware of this. Stay active with follow ups for check-ups & other medical appointments too. Take good care to pamper yourself. Then a healthy lifestyle is so vital for the sake of physical & emotional healing at the same time while staying alert to symptoms of complicated grief. Spiritually, I'd find a quiet place to meditate during the day & identify steps or actions used to encourage strong faith-based thoughts & ideas which [meditation therapy] is also a useful tool to reason through the agonizing moments of your grief.
Here's a link to help you learn more of meditation therapy:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/meditation
Please stay well. ✘♥✘♥••♥••hugs!••♥•• гє๓เคђ
My husband has made a doctor's appointment for me next week, not that I want to go. I do not want to be put on medication.
Everyone here is pleased to provide support to you & it's kind of you to express personal gratitude.
I can tell you this, which is directly from my own personal experience, you are much stronger than you know. And I know this because I've spent much time researching & exchanging ideas to people (men, women & children) of which were experiencing modulate pain & I can truly tell when someone is a good candidate for vicarious treatment; you are not yet at this point. I hope that the doctor you initially see is a primary care doctor for now. And I've known of times when a spouse went to great lengths to reach out for treatment or therapy that was way beyond the scope of problems, only to gratify their desperate yet well-intended need to help a loved one.
I suggest that you & your family think of approaching sessions of family therapy. And as far as moving on without taking strong medicines, I hope that your doctor will consider your desires, however, I see medicine therapy in his/her eyes already, expect some form of drugs to be suggested, only take care to know what he/she desires to treat in you & become very familiar with the medicines, for the sake of knowledge, feel comfortable to ask questions, and remember that you have a right to take authority over what is determined, and especially as you feel uncomfortable during treatment(s). On the other hand, I feel that this is really subconscious behavior brought on by guilt association with the sad event of stillbirth. I really have much sympathy for you there. And, too, perhaps behavioral therapy will help with this inner conflict as well. Nonetheless, you must decide what aim to take to improve your level of functioning. I really hope & pray for the best with you & your family. God bless.