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My daughter gave birth at 32 weeks. To my granddaughter who lived less than 24hours in a struggle to survive. I was so sad with this. I have been trying to do everything I can to be there. She has shut me out, the birth was 12/23/13. My heart is broken. I am grieving two losses here, and I do not know what to do. My daughter and I use to be close. About 5 years ago it started to slip away. I do not know if this is from her grieving to shut me out completely. She does not call or message me on her own. I sent her message and she does not say anything really. I do not think this is healthy, to shut mom out. Is it?
As to the question you ask of whether or not your daughters behavior of shutting you out is healthy, only your daughter can answer this, and given more time to heal, I believe that she will open up to you with respectful answers.
Right now, this situation has pressed her to a depressive state. Automatically, because of the nature of her depression, you will feel helpless and assume that this may have something to do with you. However, this is a sorrowful time for both of you, sadly said.
Perhaps you may prefer to speak with a grief specialist, and doing so certainly will help to minimize the worrying. Until you decide how you are going to manage your own personal emotional pain, speculations about your daughters behavior will is not really fair to her; you have to consider how helpless she feels, and thinking clearly is difficult; let alone her actions. Often following events such as this puts an extreme burden on everybody involved here.
The best that you can do for each of you is to find out what you can expect of grief and do the best you can to find effective strategies for mental and emotional survival. Please try to be a comfort to your daughter, but only as she asks for your support. Right now her health is the priority, because the trauma of losing a child has changed her life. I know that its tempting to place her under scrutiny, but make certain to use your ability to control your thoughts and be on guard to distinguish the events of her grief in a positive way, other than that of which ideas you perceive in your own mind as being victimized by her.
I hope the best for both of you.