You need to gather on your own just basic information regarding your father-in-law's death, Was it a suicide? If so, was there a note? Did the note blame you in any way? Was the death after a long illness or after an accident with lengthy recovery time before death? If so, did you play a helpful role in easing his ordeal that was appreciated by your husband? If so, did the father say any derogatory words about you during that time? Did your husband have a good relationship with his father prior to death? Were there any unresolved legal, personal, or financial issues somehow involving you remaining after his death. Did you have a good relationship with your father-in-law prior to his death? Are you supporting his mother well during all this time?

Sounds like a lot of questions, but you should already know the answers to all these questions now. Just putting the answers together should give a pretty good feel for whether he is carrying personal guilt, whether he carries some blame for you and ultimately where his anger is directed, rightfully or wrongfully. Be honest to yourself in answering the questions, be prepared to make some changes yourself as to your handling of particular matters, and be prepared to explain to him changes by him that would be helpful to you. It sounds like you have good prospects for understanding the reasons behind this silent treatment and get by it.

There is cause for concern relating to the female co-worker. I have difficulty believing that the female coworker would be playing the same role if she were a he. Good luck. Loss of a father is a tough blow and would expectedly take time for recovery.

Hello,
When my mother-in-law passed away, it was hard for me to see my husband so sad and grieving. He used to be a jolly person and all of a sudden he became so quiet. If he wanted to talk, I listened but if he chose to be quiet then I remained silent. I tried to be there for him just to let him know that he’s not alone. Losing someone we love is painful, give your husband time to grieve.

It will also be helpful if you can attend a lifegroup. It will help your husband to feel less lonely and not alone. When my husband was grieving, he found comfort in every meeting we had. He was encouraged by the sharing of other members’ life experiences. May God’s comfort surround your husband and he will get through this difficult time. God bless.

Hi Kabby,

I hope for you to be gentle with yourself; there are strong issues outside of the mourning of your father-in-law (read through some of your other posts). The caution comes because in some ways death can shove-in more issues to meditate on and often the day ends with a few harsh thoughts and an explosion of painful words. Not to mention the other "extra" matter that's presently going on with your husband's personal life. And it is difficult to tell you what to do with the matter of dealing with your husband's grief without stirring up some feelings that may turn out an open door for the confusion in the other matter that you are tending to. I am so sorry that you are experiencing this impact of emotional problems. Give it time though. All will turn out in a better place than before; with the hope of much prayer.

Perhaps joining in a common community support group with others will help you for now. And the option of professional help is best. I'd really advise tidying up one matter at a time. Priority is in helping your husband deal with the pain of his father's passing for now. Other important issues can wait. And waiting to air out wayside grievances shows self-integrity and patience, of which traits are a welcome feeling for the safety of your husband's emotions; so assume to act on impressing him with that idea in mind, okay? I understand that the temptation to "get it right" is bearing down hard on you, yet give him the space to grow through this spell of mourning.

In shorter words, assume that avoiding you is not directly to offend you. It could be that your husband is uncertain that his approach to your needs is sufficient at present. His mind is not as sharp, his heart is mostly broken, and this is a very difficult time for him to try and fix too many issues at one time. Now is not the time to be determined to ask questions. Give in to peace; comfort will follow.

I'm praying for you today. Lots of love to both of you.

If you like to read, I would suggest you head over to that big online bookstore and search for books on grief. There a lot of them and many are specialized to the type of loss. Maybe even how to help a griever. There are faith based books and non-secular. Choose one or two or three that look good and get educated. There is a lot to this subject; more than can be put in a reply. I'm very sorry about your FIL. It takes quite a while to get through it. Our culture in the U.S. does not recognize how traumatic it can be. Prayers sent.

I hope the words and advice from eli_mom and Remiah give you the comfort that you are searching for. Your husband is carrying a heavy burden, but so are you. You love him and are getting the "silent treatment" in return. As hard as it is to do, you are supporting him and his needs at the expense of your own. What a blessing you are to him in his time of grief. My earlier post to you was not empathetically delivered, but let me try again to get to my point.

Based on your age of 32 in your profile, your husband is probably in his early 30's. You did not specify the cause of your FIL's death, nor should you have needed to. Given your description of your husband's attitude, my advice to you would probably be the same, no matter the cause. I was 31 when my father pulled the trigger and left no note. I took on the same general attitude of staring into the distance and not sharing emotions with my wife or family. My wife hung in there just like you are. Like your husband, I tried outwardly to appear my normal self, but it was a mask. Others had to walk on eggshells around me. Long story short, I finally and grudgingly went to an experienced psychiatrist. After several sessions he broke through my barriers and unearthed a "lightbulb" revelation that released me from my shell. I must emphasize that these revelations would never have surfaced in a "group" discussion. It really did require an in-your-face, one-on-one, tear-filled encounter with a professional to get the answer. However done, when your husband gets over his grief, I hope he remembers who was there carrying his water for him.

Lastly, your husband appears to be experiencing some weaknesses and temptations under the pain of his grief. That is not surprising in light of the trauma he is living with. In my case, the relief was provided by Jack Daniels, but he went away along with the guilt I was carrying. I remembered who had been there with me when push came to shove.