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how does a person "get over it?"

vader
vader
LAtely,I have been hearing this phrase over and over.But what does it mean to "get over it". What does the doctor mean? Brad and I were together for 12 and half years.He committed suicide on 5/22/2009 and the trauma of finding his body and the fact that he died in my arms makes me wonder why people who were not there are telling me to "get over it." Brad and i were having problems.He was treating me terrible.He was always screaming about the house and cats and i grew to be afraid of him.I couldnt talk to Brad in the final days.He was just so unreasonable.Noone knew this.And noone knew that I was in an extremely abusive relationship because I told noone.There is little that friends can do if you are in a relationship like this.If they help,i have been them get hurt and i didnt want this.All of the shelters in seattle were full and i couldnt take my cats.So I stayed and weathered the verbal abuse because my cats whom I have had for 12 and 11 years are dear to me.They are like my children and i was afraid that he would hurt them and he never did.So how do i get over a suicide? How do I cope? I try to be do the right thing and think of things to write that are postive.I try to be happy and tell noone about Brad.Noone has asked me and i am often alone.i am trying to look for a job and it is hard.A part time job now is hard and i signe dup to sell avon which I havent sold as yet.But i would like to hear advice on how to get over it.
You see,even tho it is going to be 9 months,I cry.Even ho he abused me,I still cry.I am in deep trauma and mourning.I still love Brad and when he wasnt drinking or taking meth,he was a super nice guy but my heart is so broken and how can I get over it?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi
First you did the best you know how to deal with your situation dont beat your self up. I know that easier to say then to. I been though some abuse and I know you love some one but they they have that bad side of them. I also know what it is like to care for our animals they are important part of our life they can help get thought a major problem. My hope for you remember you love but also dont get in a other relationship that is abuse. Did you know that your risk for finding abuse person is very high. I hope you did get councilor or attend a group and learn new ways to live and prevent other human been abuse you. I know that sound hard but please work though your grief but you also need to prevent ever having someone else abuse you. I wish you luck in your life but remember you are to important person to be abused
Malia
deleted_user
deleted_user
Dear Vader - Anyone who has experienced a profound loss knows that you NEVER "get over it". Our lives are "changed" forever. W learn to create a somewhat "new" environment that doesn't involve the person we have lost. When you experience that loss in as tragic a way as you did, you have two different issues to cope with. 9 months is NOT a long time. You need to give yourself a break; don't let what other people say have such a big influence on you. There is no right way to grieve, there is no wrong way to grieve. There is no time limit or time frame. We all do it differently and we have to do it at our own pace. What you DO need to do is seek some professional help to guide you through this process. Be nicer to yourself, give yourself a break, be kinder to yourself and never mind what everyone else is saying. You will eventually find a way to put your experience in it's own place. Take care and remember, don't try to handle any more than just one day at a time.
Sandi2947
Sandi2947
The words "get over it" is a cop-out phrase. We can't just get over it. I just lost my son and I won't get over it. I might now feel as much pain later as I do know I do not know because I have never gone through this before. They are learning now that when doctors used to tell and some still do that people with depressions can just get over it actually makes it harder on the person cause it is not possible to do. You have to go through the grieving process and it can come and go around and around and you may have to deal with it for a long time. The main thing is to take care of yourself and find someone who understands what your going through. It sounds like you have been through some really rough times and it takes time so give yourself time and just forget the people who say "get over it" . I think people like that have never experienced anything bad in their life. So take care of you! You are important! and your are a Person! Never forget that.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I lost my husband 13 yrs ago to suicide, then recently my daughter, you Never get over it .... what mli said was spot on. tc ..... I say to myself I have the rest of my life to grieve, God is bigger than suicide.
deleted_user
deleted_user
TIME. It is going to take time. It has not been very long for you. What has happened to you many may not understand. This is why they give advice that does not fit or can be hurtful. In most their intentions are good just misunderstood. I have to remind myself everyday that life is for the living. It is okay to cry and be sad over your tragic loss. Again it will take time and you will find another path in life that is ment for you. Your life has changed and you may not get over what happened but in time you will be able to create a new life. It will be on your time not anyone elses and you should tell those people that when they give their opinions of what or how you should be feeling. I do and it feels great to tell them "when this happens to you and you can fully understand than you can tell me your advice. Until then these are my feelings, my life and my tragedy. I will decide when it is time for me to move on.... not anyone else. Thank you very much for your concern." You must stay strong in remembering that you are still here and that is what is supposed to be. Do not blame yourself but embrace yourself in the feelings you are having. All the what ifs are normal and some times can make you feel better. If they make you feel better than it is okay to talk about them. The what ifs fade away eventually. Once again with time. Healling comes with time. I send all my love and strength your way.
vader
vader
to all who has responded I say thank you and your advice is wonderful.I have been busy looking for work so right now i am pretty stressed.I am giving away some of Brads clothes because the brothers dont want them and I have got no use for them.I will be 9 months on Monday and I am still in pain.The doctor doesnt really understand.Why dont these professionals understand the pain that the survivors are going thru? However,Brad was treating me so terrible that I was thinking of leaving him.It was just so emotional for me and when i found him I knew he was dead.And this is played over and over again and when I try to talk about it,I was told not to grudge up unhappy memories.What does grudge up mean? Brad was DOA and he died in my arms.And I will never forget him.WHen he was sober he was a real nice guy and when he stayed away from these troublemakers he was nice also.Brad didnt understand that these people jsut wanted his money.He thought that they were friends.Good Grief! I had the phone number changed and noone calls me anymore.Thank heavens for this.I have to change my life now since Brad is dead because the up keep of the house is so expensive and i am looking for a roomate.I am putting the application in on Wednesday and will let everyone know how it came.I refuse to go to Craigslist.Craigslist in washington is getting into trouble.I am not dating at all and I wont.Brad was enough and he was one hell of a super person when he was sober and I am in shock and trauma of his death.Once again...thanks to all.now let me write a column what the minister told me.vader.
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