I have lost the family I was born into. My only sibling in August of 2011, my mother last August, my father this August. I hate August.

All of my "peers" have suffered some form of loss or another, but they all have one parent or siblings alive. So they get the concept of loss, but they don't get the concept of losing the family one is born into.

My point is that none of your peers may have suffered the degree of loss that you have.

What has worked for me is time passing, and accepting the support from family and friends. Break it down, mourn them separately as well as a unit.

The other thing is that we need to know the limits of our family/friends. Don't expect all of them to know how to support your entire spectrum of losses; let each help out where they can.

Gentle hugs, it is survivable. You can make it!

Hi I've had multiple losses also. I really hate August too. as the pepperman had said. This last 2 years 2 uncles and an aunt. and really recently was my dad and my husband a day apart in August. Ya I guess it's just time and you working on you. Just survive with different activities, making new friends, hanging out with other family. I pretty much only have my mom that is left with immediate family. Hopefully she hangs on with me at least 5 years. This site is a good way to vent. Maybe you should consider doing another kind of nursing job. I know when I worked with cancer people I had to get out of it because I was severly depressed. I'm not a nurse by I'm a Med Tech. Doing the bloodwork for the cancer patients. I also took their blood everyday when they where on the chemo regiment. Seeing them wither away and not getting better takes a toll on the caregivers soul. Getting another puppy might help you too. I love my dogs and they are good companions. It's hard to lose them but there is alot of animals that need good pet parents. Hopefully I helped you a little. Hugs, Donna

Get plenty of sleep, exercise, then begin creating some GAINS, forging the same kinds of relationships you enjoyed with the ones who departed, with new people, who are still here. It's a little scary at times, trusting new people, but they'll reveal their intentions soon enough, and then you'll know whether you want to continue being in relationships with them. That's all we can do.

My family is similar. We mourn, but we don't fall all over each other crying and clinging together. That is hard sometimes because I can tell that no one wants anyone to be sad around them because that makes them sad, so we all just sorta be sad alone. I feel like healing is just sort of something we say and it sounds good, oh we "heal" and then we're all better!

But I don't think we ever heal. I know I'm debbie downer, but we just learn to live with it. I think all the time about the last things I did with my sister and things we did a long time ago and can never do again. There are a lot of situations and thoughts and feelings that we go through with losing a loved one that no one can understand. It's not just about them dying, it's a lot of things we lose with that that people don't understand. So being OK one day and crying the next is typical.

Multiple losses are something different all together and I liked what Pepperman said about mourning them separately.

my name is vader.I am 68 years old and old enough to be your grandmother.I lost my mother in 2003 at the age of 84 and in 2004 I lost my dear brother Frank at 68.Frank was very sick and he had diabetes and he did not make it.He was my rock.I also lost a few friends and then I lost my cat so it was multiple.How did I survive? I went to grief therapy and the people on this site helped me a great deal.Have you tried grief theapy? It works and it has for me.You can make it..it is hard..and I will be praying for you in my church on sunday and I am sending you a hug.

How can you heal. I do not know the answer. i lost my son may 3rd. 2015 to prescription drugs OD. He was only 43. it seem so unreal. he was trying to make a life for himself , he was in rehab and came home for the weekend and was thinking he was during what the doctor said to do take those pills to not go into withdrawal, i do not understand and when I lost him it left a huge hole in my heart that will never heal. i pray a lots and try to understand, it is so hard, I am so sad a lot, wake up thru the night crying I just don"t wont to be so sad I miss him so so much.

I am sorry Kikifred to hear about your losses. That is devastating ..
I would say you are probably having quite normal feelings ... and allow them to come.
I made the mistake when my Mother died and my husband, of doing things to "get my mind off it" and it only delays the inevitable.
this is my first time looking at this group. I figured since I am so depressed currently and feeling sorry for myself I need to check it out. This happened to be the first topic that got my attention. My answer to you , is nobody knows probably how to heal other than to keep putting one foot in front of the other day by day.
I read somewhere recently in one of those catchy MEME posts online that the way to get over grief is to outlast it..
I especially loved the first reply you got from The Pepperman-

We have all heard this before but everyone grieves differently. And families are different too, culturally , etc. For example people in some cultures regularly wail outloud and ritualistic body language things .....my family has always been very stoic and hands off.
My husbands' family are huggers.
Oh I should mention I guess why I'm here. My husband of 31 years died in April of 2014 under very sad circumstances....long story.
Very surprising to me more than anyone, I did begin a relationship with a nice guy (neighbor) about 4 months after that.
I was completely sure before I met the neighbor that I would never ever ever want another relationship again , since not only did the last several years of the marriage take a huge toll on me, but he was my soulmate. On top of which I am getting pretty close to 60 , over weight with many health problems that cause severe daily pain.

I am going to say this part just to show you never know...but the neighbor guy, he is charming , persistent and fun. Also ten years younger than I. I thought no way would he want that kind of relationship with me.
But it was a great distraction , very glad I gave in and trusted him and myself.
However , he has been living up north for 6 months and though he does visit me when possible, it's rare and now I am left feeling alone, and only now going through my real feelings of loss.
Thankfully I do have my husband's beloved dog....that is what has kept me sane. (ish)
It is much better to share our lingering feelings in a setting like this, in my experience anyway. When I tell friends in my life here , usually I am met with "me, too !"
in a tone like we all have problems, get over it.

Also most people, including me even, are not sure what to say to others . Some grieving people hate being told he or she is in a better place, etc.
but since we don't know what to say , people tend to say that kind of thing.
I do have a great group of friends because of the dog. I met a lot of dog people when I began taking him to the dog park. Dogs are a great ice breaker and way to meet people.
I
Speaking of what some of you do, working with terminal patients, I heard that even therapy dogs, who visit patients in nursing homes or hospitals , become eventually overwhelmed with all the sadness. (the dogs) And they have to be retired for that reason.
Hope I did not overshare here.

Betty, I am so very sorry for your loss. We lost my sister a little over 4 years ago. It hit my parents very hard; mom was starting dementia and that made things even worse.

I think that the thing to do is to fill in the hole in our hearts with new things. This does not mean to remove all memories of our departed ones, it just means that we need to allow ourselves to feel happy again.

Feeling happy about unrelated things does not mean you did not love your son any less!

Gentle hugs.

ThisToo, I am sorry for the loss of your husband. I dread the day that my wife passes (unless I pass first, then I guess I won't have to face it.) So I can only guess at what you must be going through.

There is a widows and widowers group here, and that may be another place to get support. I'm not suggesting you drop out of this group, far from it. Just saying that there are additional resources here that you might want to try!

Gentle hugs

I lost my Dad in December 2014 and my aunt September this year, both from lengthy (years) illnesses. The only remaining blood relatives are 5 second cousins (4 I just learned about in September) and one great aunt. The only vague answer I know at this point is rely on any support you can get! Whether it be here, friends, activities you enjoy, religion- just keep reaching out and asking for help. It's very hard to find the people you need at a time like this. They'll pop up in unexpected ways sometimes too. I hope you find answers because it's a struggle many have.

It's been a very long time since I've been on DS and I too am dealing with loss...I lost my mother... It's been 9 months now and I was her caregiver since 2004...I lost my dad years ago, so now I no longer have either of my parents...and not quite sure how to heal.... I have become a bit of a loner, wrapped in two jobs and my son who is now 17 and about to be out on his own, so now I'm grieving and dealing with separation anxiety as well because I don't do things for or by myself and now it's creating an issue with my relationship because he wants me to get out, and do things for myself but I'm seemingly stuck... I truly understand how you feel Kikifred...

CookieLadie, I am sorry for the loss of your mother. You have spent years taking care of others. I know it is hard to think of yourself as I have been in your shoes. It's hard to even know where to begin. Being on this site is helpful. I am sure others have been through similar circumstances and hopefully we get some ideas on how to move forward and truly take care of ourselves. By the way, I love your picture of the cookies! I really have to learn how to upload/download/or whatever it's called, to get pictures on this site. I have taken pics on my old cell phone, but I don't even know how to retrieve them. lol Hope I made you smile. Hugs. Margie

I'm probably not the best one to offer any advice at the moment, but it will take time. You've dealt with so much loss in such a short period of time. It's one thing to deal with something on a professional level, and completely different to have go through it yourself.

It's not easy! And I know this is probably a bad example, but...I'm an Administrative Assistant for a Property Management office for a high-rise condominium. Part of my job description is to do the books, AR, and AP for the Association. You would think that doing the household books and budget--or even our taxes--would be a piece of cake. Not at all! And my husband makes me want to cut up his debit card all the time.

I'm so sorry for your losses!

Kikifred, I lost my mother, a couple weeks later my father and a couple months later my Aunt. I can only describe it as a wave. You seem to be okay and functioning and then the wave hits. I have tried about 10 anti depressents and the side effects have been terrible for me. I have meltdowns often. Maybe we can help each other heal. Hugs to you!!!

30 years ago I lost my husband to a military plane accident over the Pacific ocean. A year later I would lose my grandmother who I was especially close. After four years is a widow, I remarried and lost my new father-in-law to Leukemia and later my sister-in-law passed from breast cancer and 20 days before my nephew outgrew his heart and passed. These two were among a whole slew of others who passed from our congregation at church all, most from accidents and another from cancer. I would later go on to take care of my mother-in-law and months before her passing lost a brother in law to suicide. I have been a caregiver helper to a friends father with dementia and another elderly woman who hasn't past yet but is 93. Other friends my age have also passed early from health related issues.

The 20th is my fist husbands birthday and three days later the 30 year anniversary of his death. I believe in an after life which helps me with all these losses, that I will see and love them again. I also mourn their loss here the time that I am not able to spend with them and enjoy them while I am living. These were all precious people to me.

My first husband's passing was the most difficult for me as we had been with each other through my latter 10 years and we were not able to be married for a short time. Time with him during our married life was especially sweet for me and I still miss him terribly. However, after a time I was able to be remarried and heal from the image more immediacy of the loss after being a widow four years. I could only do this by truly feeling what ever feelings came up for me. I had a motional he felt supported by God and others during this time. I didn't know help to complete the stages of grief and regards to feelings about the accident itself that took his life. Eventually after 10 years of nightmares and them coming closer together, I sought therapy to help me deal with the accident. I also had feelings I wasn't aware of that were anger inside that was trapped. Eventually with therapy I would find my own way of letting go of the anger inside anchor at the plane that took his life and be able to have a symbolic release and beautiful confirmation of love from beyond. That help me to readjust and continue on. It does not mean that I don't still very much miss him and my other family members and friends who have passed. Memories of times together now are sweet memories that art is so painful any longer. Going through the grief cycle is extremely important. What ever feelings come up if not pushed away will allow a person to move through the process and come to a lighter side of the loss. Anniversary post birthdays etc. can be times of more stronger feelings as we remember them. But after the initial time of grief things will get easier to deal with if one has passed through the grief cycle. We will never not love them or wish they were still with us but the tremendous pain from the initial shock of loss we will learn to live with even if it's not something we want. We do go on, we can go on, but it takes time.

This time now when the grief is so much with you is the most difficult. Where you want the world to go away, to stop in place. People around us have a hard time feeling what you do if they have not had such a loss before and they not know how to kiss comfort. Even those who are going through the same persons loss will experience there's similar but different. I think it's can be helpful to keep a journal at this time. Writing down your feelings allows can you get out The feelings that may feel trapped inside.

Find people who me you can have hold you if that's what you are need of. Asked them to sit with you and just be there. Tell them they don't have to say anything to help you feel better. I remember crying in my mother's arms and just having her hold me really helped as I sobbed and my body wrenched with grief. To ignore grief is the worst thing that could be you can do because eventually those feelings must come must be processed. I felt my husband spirit with me as I wrote in a journal I felt he knew what I was feeling and wanted to say to him. You may need to talk and express what happened or your feelings over and over again in order to process them, this is normal. There may be those who can do this for you or with you this kind of place online it's helpful for that where others who don't mind you expressing yourself and are willing to read your words can be of help to you. Most people in our country do not know how to handle grief because it is so much behind the curtain sort of speak.

People may want you to move on sooner than you are ready sometimes that is good sometimes that is not good depending on what you really need. We do need to keep putting on foot in front of the other on hard days. You may have a slower pace with life for a while and that is OK. Everyday that you do will make the time for better days come sooner. Hugs