Bereavement Support Group

Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.

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crazygecko 03/12/2013

My wife was killed in a car crash in October 2009. I can't say that I'm ok about that, but I'm dealing. I'm learning to live again. What I'm struggling with is this - she was pregnant. 12 weeks. We had only found out that morning that, even though it was too early to say for sure, it was likely that it was a boy. And that night I lost them both in one horrible moment.

I'm posting here, because in the 3 years and 4 months since then, no one has been willing to listen or even attempt to comfort me. Everyone understands the I have to grieve my wife, but the moment I bring up my unborn son, people change the subject.

I never got to hold him. I never got to find out what color his eyes would have been or if he had my smile. I never even got to give him a name. But he was a person and I loved him!

Am I not allowed to mourn him?

polydoly13 04/06/2013

I am so sorry for your losses. I can totally relate to the grieving you have over your son. We miscarried at 12 weeks last Nov and I too am learning how to grieve someone I never met, never knew. I don't have family or friends that understand - they avoid and move on. You might take some time to stop by the miscarriage support group - I don't really see that your situation doesn't also fit there. I don't really ever see a man post there, but you will find many other women who are dealing with this very similar loss. We don't have all the answers but we try to help.

And if nothing else, I'm willing to listen, you are welcome to write anytime. It's probably not much comfort, but know you aren't alone. There are many of us that are walking this same walk, wondering what our child would have been, what they would have been like, looked like, smelled like. I hope you find some peace and comfort.

crazygecko 04/08/2013

Thank you, everyone, for your responses. I know I haven't posted in a while, but I check in regularly and these responses, validating my loss, mean a lot to me. I feel like finally someone understands...

deleted_user 04/08/2013

Oh this is very sad. Not just that you lost your wife and unborn child but that no one has comforted you. You have more than every right to mourn the loss of your child! Some people just don't seem to know how to talk to others or comfort them. But at the same time they should focus on how you feel and that you need to talk and be comforted and not that they feel uncomfortable, if that is the case.
Personally, I'm beginning to wonder if there are any real caring people in this world anymore. I've come across more people who can't be bothered than those who can. It's very sad.
Talk to us on here. There are people who understand.

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