Bereavement Support Group

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how do you give support now by vader?

vader
vader
it has been 19 months since the death of my Brad.It has been rough but I am surviving and I am planning a trip to the east coast as of next year.But here is a question that I am having trouble with and I would like some advice.How do you give support when your friend is hurting? One of them is a widow and she is always complaining about the shortage of money.And believe me I know and it has been rough and i have been doing part time jobs all though the years..but she is always complaining about money.Another friend just became a widow and is having a hard time of it.You see it was a very rocky marriage and he was always cheating on her.She found a letter with money in int for the mortgage and now she is swamped with bills.Apparetnely he wasnt paying the bills and they are behing in the mortgage.What do i say to her? I dont want to tell that banks when it comes to mortgage payments arent that sympathic.I used to work in banks and i know.What do i say to her? I dont have many friends since I lost Brad.Many of them when they heard it was a suicide just stopped calling and one of them saw me in the supermarket and did not bother to say anything to me.Is suicide a stigma? Well,excuse me! Suppose it was a famous person how would they react? I need support and i need comfort but if you so overwhelmed there are places in seattle where you can go and it is posted on the internet.There is low cost help here now and I am receiving it..so please dont tell me you are overwhelmed.Please confrontyour fears.Suicide is a taboo.So lets talk about it and remember that this wasnt my fault.Brad planned this and I like to be alone now and I dont intend to date again.I am hurting to.This exclusion is hurting me.And remember to all if i have hurt any of your feelings I am sorry,.I realize that I will always love Brad and I must go on.I must move on.But how does a person move on when this house has so many memories? You see I cant afford to move.And everyone that i know who wants to move cant so i have accepted this and i love this house.Vader and thecat.
PDdaughter
PDdaughter
You need to worry about YOU. For one thing, I can't understand "friends" like that.....wow...some friends. You take care of yourself, you are still hurting so badly. I just wanted to send you a hug and say be kind to yourself and maybe some face to face support group? A counselor?
Thinking of you and sending you peace. xo
amgm
amgm
The only way to support your friends is with a listening ear. If you feel like they want something more just tell them that is what you have to offer. It is hard to hear the bad things happening to others and not want to fix it but most of the time we can't . We can only listen. Unfortunately death of a loved one is a stigma. Some worse than others. My baby daughter died and I have had many people act like it didn't happen and/ or totally act like they d on't see me, like I have become invisible or something. Do they think if they speak to me they will lose a child too? I know it is probably because they do not know what to say but it still is very hurtful. You really find out who your true friends are. Like PD said you do need to take care of yourself and try to avoid things that drag you down. You need to do what is best for you even if others don't agree with you. It is Your life and Your grief .
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree with the others! Support isn't about advising your friends what to do ..... so if they are asking you to fix their problems, tell them flat out that you can't. These are not your problems - you have enough to deal with.
You can tell them exactly what you wrote. Tell them straight out that you can listen but you can't help or fix the problem, refer them to the low cost help you were talking about if they need to talk it out in counseling. (of course counseling won't fix money problems but I'm sure it won't hurt them).
As for the ones ignoring you, I'm so sorry. Use their reaction as another reason to yourself that it's time to move on.

Bless you
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