Bereavement Support Group
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My 37 year old daughter died as a result of surgery that was supposed to help her get back her health. She wanted to be a good role model for her daughter. She had chronic problems on and off for years. She was a caring, loving mother, friend and the light of my life.
She died on December 1, 2009. Her husband has become very close to a woman that my daughter did not like or respect. I made it clear that I did not want to see her and explained why. He didn't tell me about her but I am certain that they have been 'friendly' since January or February. He took a sudden interest in skiing at that time. I thought he was skiing with just my granddaughter.
Since Lisa died, he has bought a 4by4 truck with every bell and whistle. He also bought a motorcycle (Lisa hated bikes) - he broke 4 ribs when he missed a corner. I know now that his love of skiing and biking has a lot to do with Marta (his 'good buddy'). I was not sympathetic when he complained about the pain after his bike accident.
I feel betrayed. My husband and I helped them financially and without our support, they would not have been able to afford a house. Now he is squandering the insurance money he got on toys for big boys. And more importantly, he is developing a relationship that my granddaughter is not comfortable with. She has expressed to many people that her dad is spending too much time with Marta.
After making it clear that I did not want to see Marta, she was at my granddaughter's home when we arrived back from a few days away with her.
I know I am rambling but I am so hurt, upset, angry and frustrated that I feel like I am losing my mind. I do have an appointment booked with my physician and when I get home I am going to book another appointment with a counsellor.
She died on December 1, 2009. Her husband has become very close to a woman that my daughter did not like or respect. I made it clear that I did not want to see her and explained why. He didn't tell me about her but I am certain that they have been 'friendly' since January or February. He took a sudden interest in skiing at that time. I thought he was skiing with just my granddaughter.
Since Lisa died, he has bought a 4by4 truck with every bell and whistle. He also bought a motorcycle (Lisa hated bikes) - he broke 4 ribs when he missed a corner. I know now that his love of skiing and biking has a lot to do with Marta (his 'good buddy'). I was not sympathetic when he complained about the pain after his bike accident.
I feel betrayed. My husband and I helped them financially and without our support, they would not have been able to afford a house. Now he is squandering the insurance money he got on toys for big boys. And more importantly, he is developing a relationship that my granddaughter is not comfortable with. She has expressed to many people that her dad is spending too much time with Marta.
After making it clear that I did not want to see Marta, she was at my granddaughter's home when we arrived back from a few days away with her.
I know I am rambling but I am so hurt, upset, angry and frustrated that I feel like I am losing my mind. I do have an appointment booked with my physician and when I get home I am going to book another appointment with a counsellor.
I understand your feelings of hatred for your son-in-law. I had to pray and pray to get rid of mine. I am not religious, but I finally asked the Bishop of our city to help me get rid of it. A few days later it helped, but I still struggle now and then. As far as the new woman, there is nothing you can do. I know that that is a bitter pill to take. What's more, you have to be very careful that you don't sway your granddaughter's opinion one way or the other. You will only lose her in the end, because this man will most likely choose a "new" girlfriend over your and his daughter's relationship.
I have to fight the same thing. My son-in-law keeps buying new things. Right now he is in Florida, spending insurance money. I have to let go. If he and this new woman are not actually HURTING your granddaughter, then just be there for her as much and try to keep your opinions and your questions to yourself.
I got my granddaughters into counseling, they don't do it just for grief, there has to be additional problems. I do hope you'll go, you need an outlet.
Also, I used to be sick because the doctors didn't pick up on my daughter's illness soon enough. she could have lived. I had to get rid of that bitter hatred, it would have destroyed me even more. It's done~~I don't know about legally, but emotionally would she want you in misery. Of course you're going to grieve, but please try to throw the anger about the surgery away...in your time.
I will listen when you need to talk. Also there is a group called:
formomsonly. It is for mothers of adult children who have died. I am in that group and it too is wonderful.
Peace, Gale Sue
It helps to know I am not alone. I am sorry that you have to endure the same pain. I saw a counselor shortly after Lisa died. I am definitely going to go again.
My granddaughter is doing well so far (she is more mature than her dad right now). I am doing as much as I can for her but I live on the other side of the country. I want to be there as much as I can but right now, I can't stay in the same room as my son-in-law. We will continue to spend time with our granddaughter but we will be in a hotel or she can fly to visit us.
Take care,
M
I am having similar problems with my son-in-law. I haven't seen my grandson in almost a year. I did not even get any of my child's things. I will keep you in my prayers. Hang in there.
The car has been fine ever since. My grandson who is a name sake for his dad is very happy now also .
It will work itself out in the end someway some how. Just try not to drive yourself crazy in the meantime. Your grandchildren will need you and you will be the stable one in their lives.
sending you a hug: Penny