Oh, Jenny, so sorry to hear of your loss. My heart goes out to you at this difficult time...

I would definitely recommend counseling. The counselor can tell you what to expect, what situations to be careful of, that kind of thing. Counseling can be difficult because results are not immediate, and of course, if you don't like the counselor, find another one, sometimes it takes a few tries to find the right person. I did find that my shrink was very helpful at warning me of feelings I might experience and problems they could cause, and while it didn't help right away, I had a much better idea what to do when those problems did occurr. In my case, it was trying to control lots of things beyond my control to compensate for the death of my best friend-- because I couldn't control some things, I went nuts trying to control others. For you, it might be different.

The sleeping tablets might help if you are staying up all night, but do not take them every night, only a few times a week and then just tough it out the other nights. Any depressant can also make you depressed, and if this happens stop taking them, but being well slept at least a few times a week makes things a bit easier to bear.

Hope that's helpful...

Catalyzt

My heart goes out to you Jenny. I do think counseling is a good idea. We are all going through tremendous loss here. Our sharing with each other helps and I think speaking with a professional counselor can also be beneficial. I would reach for all the sensible help you can. Listen to advice, but go with your gut. See what works best for you.

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband in July 2007 after 34 yrs of marriage. I am scared also because we have been together since we were 15, and I miss him so much. I did go to grief counseling, I went with a group in my church which was very comforting because they truly understood, because they were suffering also. I also went for a bit to private counseling, which did give me some insight as to how what I pereceived to have been crazy thoughts, were all NORMAL. And this site has been wonderful. You can just come on anytime and someone is here to help you thru the day, or the minute. I know that your family means well and wants to help in anyway, but it is hard for them to undersand what you are going thru. How could they?? Again, I send you strength and hugs, and am here for you. Hugs, Alice

I thin no one knows what another person is going trough with regard to the death of a spouse. This is a trip you have to make alone. I myself am not doing well at all--I just simply cannot accept the death of my husband after 63 years. I don't want to accept it, that is the problem. I want no life without him. I hate the loneliness and I am afraid to go ahead. Stella

This post is from 2008 and the OP is no longer on the site so I'll close it....

Clarinda.... I am so very sorry for your loss.... We have a really good Widow's and Widower's board on here where people are in different stages of healing

Gentle hug and a blessing....xo