Reply #1 took the words right out of my mouth. Yes, you're too fixated on death, rather than fixating on LIFE, and life is LOVE.

It's nice that you love your dearly departed friend and are feeling pain over his passing, but there are others right there in your neighborhood who are STILL HERE, are ALIVE, and need your love too. Take a walk and make a new friend, socialize with someone there who is still living.

vader: Oh, just read your subsequent post. Glad you're doing better, and congratulations on your upcoming graduation!

Barb, I know you're grieving too, and are angry, but tread lightly here.

Hang in there, Vader. @Babarame, I've been a member here for about 4 years. I've learned that everyone expresses their grief differently and may have a different understanding of grieving. As Koolman says, tread lightly. This quote by Eckart Tolle says it all, "If her past were your past, her pain your pain, her level of consciousness your level of consciousness, you would think and act exactly as she does. With this realization comes forgiveness, compassion and peace.

the graduation is going to take place on the 11th of July.The place doesnt guarantee me a job.I ahve been looking and it has been hard but Seattle is in a hiring frenzy.The houses here are selling like hot cakes and my roommate was just laid off.The place where she was it was doing slow sales and sales have been down for quite some time.I am going to see The Seattle Storm tonight.It will be my 1st night out in 5 years and since i go every where by bus or walk..I am making arrangements now for the trip home.I am feeling much better and in Seattle things are happening.The car show takes place tomorrow on the 29th and the place will be a little hectic.I wont reply to anyone until after the weekend since I have to go to the car show and go to a vigil.That night my good friend Tim is going to be 45.And he is having a splash.He is having a really good bank here and they are fantastic! It will be hectic and I dont feel bad after endiing the friendships.I like to be alone as of now and noone seems to understand it.Vader

Congratulations on your graduation, Vader, and have a good summer! I also saw your other post on friendships.... you're right - friendships change because we change. We are not meant to be stuck with one friend and one friend only our entire life. Because one person cannot completely fill the needs of friendship, it's important to have a circle of friends, each with different qualities that can support the different qualities you have and most of all, be there when you NEED support for the truly critical times. When my husband died, I don't think I'd have made it through the funeral without my 2 best friends, each different in their own way. I think you are taking great steps toward moving forward and exploring who YOU are. Wishing you the best as you begin moving forward this summer!

@barbarame - because I know you are checking this...
You are right in that I don't know your grief. HOWEVER. if you are truly grieving then you know that grief comes in waves and yes, OF COURSE they're over and over and over again. My psychologist friend told me the other day it takes 2 years minimum... 2 years for the pain and the rollercoaster of emotions to just START to lessen. And it's BRUTAL. That's why she's here and that's why I'm here. And even then, time lessens it but it never goes away completely, it just changes. Vader posts who she is when she posts. Can she be any more obvious it's her? If you are tired of reading her posts, then don't read them... don't even click on them. She's giving you a heads up it's her, so why are you even bothering to look if her posts bother you? People like me are more than happy to read and reply and offer support instead so you don't have to feel obligated. And btw, I'm not as much of a newbie as you think.

Whew. First Vader, I am sorry you lost a friend, yes I know how that feels. I have lost too many including my husband in the last 2 years. Unfortunately the losses seem to feed the grieving I am already doing. I can not bear going to funerals and fear going out into groups because of emotional breakdowns. While grieving the loss of our best man we also lost a good Saturday/Weekend project buddy and my first husband. So I had a hard time dealing with the separation of those separate deaths. We( my husband and I) did all we could for the families ,Widow and friends to help them, using our grief as fuel. Knowing we were helping helped us. Unfortunately after months of helping and caring, my husband finally had time to address his own concerns about a pain he was having. It was Cancer. During his 9 month fight and the first year of his loss I have also had to deal with 5 friends and family members losing their battles one even Alcohol(Died in ally in Dec.) So the layering of grieving started again. I do know some people do "awfulize" deaths of old friends and companions, and may seem that they are always in a new "loss". But these were Brothers and brothers in laws as well as our close circle of friends that filled the gap of brothers for my husband, who had lost 3 brothers when I met him. The childhood friends that carried him when he couldn't and stood by us.
So It does feel like the grief is woven together tightly, many of the memories(21yrs. worth) are of us as a group. So I am sorry that you have another loss mixing in and renewing the feelings of loss. Marking the time as a sad time.
At times I can understand Barbareme's attitude and comment. My sister reads the obits and calls me of everyone she recognises., with a solum tone of voice, not people she knew but who I knew long ago. (Like I need to know my high school english classmate in my junior year passed.) To survive I needed to turn off my feelings, but ending up with all feelings going away. That it self was a trick to get back. Then to be fully aware of those feelings and love from friends that stood by me as I regrouped again, only to see them start falling away in death, joining my husband on the other side. UGH!.

Well I hope the mile in your shoes is getting better for you. Congrats for your accomplishment. I will take my second mile lap and remember at least I was loved.