Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
I have been struggling trying to adjust to certain deaths and trying to rebuild my life.But I want everyone to know that a friend of mine died suddenly and i am overwhelmed by it all.I knew him for 2 years.He was a gentle soul.,but like Brad he had a dri nking problem and sometimes I feel that AA doesnt always help.I will call him Henry.Henry passed away a few nights ago and I am in a state of shock.He was doing so well.The person who told me about his death was crying.Henry was on a binge and the alcohol got the best of him.I will mis him and I am still crying.Question..what do you say to someone whose friend died of alcohol ? What does anyone say? I am crying enough as it is.I didnt have the capacity to help him and I feel quilty about it.What should I do?
Please don't feel guilty about your friend......if he was in AA, he was getting the professional help he needed....if he chose to fall off the wagon, that's on him and him alone. There was nothing you could have done.
I am so sorry that you're going through the grief of two losses. Remember that we are powerless and we must go through grief, we can't avoid it. We are all here for you. This is a great site and you will never feel/be alone on here. My prayers are with you....
My husband died from his alcoholism too this past December. Even though we divorced 2 years before because of an assault while he was drunk, the grief is as intense as if it were a perfect marriage. Why? Because we grieve for who we thought they were... we grieve for who they really were (the addict)... we grieve for the helplessness because God knows that if there was a way we could have stopped him, we would have... and then we grieve over the memories. The bad ones because they are a recent part of the relationship, but then the good ones too because they're there and the good ones are even harder to face...
What to do? Just be their friend. Do things with them that will help them take a break from their thoughts and keep them from isolating themselves... listen when the grief just needs to be vented.... hug where need be. BTW, if you are asked to get rid of photos - DON'T. Hide them and wait. Because when the grief wave comes around again (and it will) you'll want them...
In the beginning, all there is, is pain. Heartache. Then comes the "Why" questions.... why wouldn't he stop, why did it get so out of control, why did he refuse counseling.... I found the answers came to me when I was quiet, and at peace. He couldn't do those things because doing something about the pain meant FACING the pain - and THAT was something he just couldn't bear to do. THAT was WHY he drank in the first place....
Then comes the "what if" question... what if I had turned over evidence that he was trying to harm me to the police when he was arrested, would he still be alive? Would he have gotten help? These are HORRIBLE questions.... the people who loved the alcoholic are going to need to be reassured that it was the alcoholic's decision and his alone...
And when the person grieving is ready to begin moving forward - tiny little baby steps - the question will slowly become "what next..." as in what next can I do with MY life. Because the only thing we can control is ourselves. Most of all, they'll need support to know that everything will get better, maybe not ok, but better, and that there a people around them that care....
I'm so sorry for your loss.... {{HUGS}}.
. I have found that some people are only able to find sobriety through death. I know that is little comfort, however, it can stand as a powerful example to others.
You may find that later on that you sense his presence, perhaps just when you need him most. This is not uncommon.
God bless.
Can say. If you use his memory as a motive to help someone else, that will prbably make you feel better. In you case, given how long you have been grieving, I would try to do something, so you wont slip back to the beginning. I am sorry for your friend, but he was not Brad.
must be cheerful and I am trying and It is so hard to be nice.I am not a phony and i do my work and the girls are not friendly so I just do my work and think of other things to do...Thank God for the Weekends and Cotton Candy!