Bereavement Support Group

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Death & Dying
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Haunted by his Memory.....

RockNMetalChic
RockNMetalChic
i haven't been on this board in awhile and i felt the need to get this off of my chest- i'm being haunted by the memory of my ex - almost 5 years ago i met a man named Andy- we were alike in every way- and by every way i mean we thought , looked, and loved each other the same- he was like the male version of me- even our names matched- he was Andy and i'm Brandi.... he was my first love and the first man i ever let make love to me......i thought i'd be with him forever... i was in love and loved him u know.... he was my everything... he waited a year for me to be ready to give myself to him- he was my Hunny Bunny and i was his Cuddles..... in the summer of 2006 he was wrestling and i get a call from his boss saying that he had a heart attack- he was in the ICU for a long time and nobody knew if he would make it or not- he did... and we were planning on going out somewhere special when he got out of rehab- well in dec 2006- i got a phone call saying- i love u babe and i'll be out of here next week..... and then he was just gone..... i can't help it- i compare all my boyfriends to him and i wish i could have him back- why did god take my Andy from me? i still have my days when i hear our song ( Lifetime of Dreams by Journey) and i just cry - i still remember our first conversation- he said can i tell u that i love u - and i said u don't even know me! and he said some day you'll feel the same way about me....... and it was true i did..... he was my prince charming- one of the most caring , loving men i've ever known and there is no other like him- just needed to vent today- having a hard time letting his memory go and missing him so much lately ...... he wanted us to have a baby so bad and now i regret not making one with him- cause atleast then i'd still have a part of him- now all i have are these haunting memories , and dreams- i always kinda knew it would end this way- used to have dreams that he was standing in this fog and no matter how hard i ran or tried i just couldn't get to him and i'm wake up with real tears streaming down my face..... he was my soulmate i have no doubt about that.... :( i miss u Andy !....... i just pray god watches over u til i can get there to be with you.....
deleted_user
deleted_user
He'll no doubt be in your heart forever. No one knows why one is ttaken and another left behind, but it just happens. Can you try to think of him more "watching over you" than haunting you?
Sending huggs, Rainbow
RockNMetalChic
RockNMetalChic
my heart and soul are being tortured everyday without him- i'm alone and lost in this world- i've never been able to love anyone like him and i've really really tried- that song- "Probably wouldn't be this way" thats me right now...... he is my angel and i feel him around me all the time- i want to look over my shoulder - but i know he won't be there and that hurts.......
RockNMetalChic
RockNMetalChic
Journey LIFETIME OF DREAMS lyrics
From the first day... I envisioned myself with you
It's so hard to wait... But with you it was easy to do
Somewhere in time...
I knew I would find you here with every passing moment
I see forever so clear
Part of me was lost without you
You are where I found my faith
Feels like love is here to stay...
CHORUS:
When I look in your eyes baby
I see a lifetime of dreams come true
And I want you to say, that you feel the same way too
The stars in your eyes tell me
All my tomorrows will wait for you
You're all of my prayers answers
My one saving grace is you...
In another life... I believed that I loved you then,
If lightning strikes twice, we are destined together again
We don't have to make a promise, we were always meant to be
It's written in the way you look at me... I see
REPEAT CHORUS
Love moves at the speed of light
Takes years to get it right
But we've got till the end of time...
I can see.... I can see... You and me, forever
You're the one woman that can make me stay
My one and only saving grace
REPEAT CHORUS
I can see... I can see
You and me, forever
I can see... I can see
You and me, forever
RockNMetalChic
RockNMetalChic
bumping this up cause i want to- so bite me :P
RockNMetalChic
RockNMetalChic
this is so unfair ! i want u back - but i can never run my fingers through ur hair or touch ur face again ! ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! not fair !!!!!!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
My sons girlfriend feels this same way. She misses him so much and compares her new "friends" with my son. He was her soulmate, the one she has planned on taking as her husband and making a father to her children years down the road. She lost him and can not get him out of her heart or soul and knows she NEVER will. She loves him and knows that there will never be a love like that for a long time if ever again. BUT for her sake I hope that someone comes around that makes her feel as special as my son did. Makes her eyes light up when she walks into the room and takes their breath away when they see her like when my son would. She needs that after what happened to her, just like you do. Losing someone you were totally in LOVE with is so horrible. That true and prue love is so hard to find in the harsh and ugly world so when you do find it you want to hold tight to it.
I hope you keep him in your heart but do not lose hope. He is still with you and just might be trying to "send" you someone to help you through all this, to find happiness again. Open your heart a little and try to see what life can bring your way. Comparing is normal but sometimes when someone dies we place them on such a high shelf we forget they too had faults and made mistakes.
Take care and love yourself and see the good around you.
RockNMetalChic
RockNMetalChic
Thank u all for ur kind words and support- i just feel so lost and alone without him in this world... i am trying to open my heart to the new man in my life- but its so hard cause i am afraid any happiness i have as far as relationships go from now on will end up being taken away by death or something else and i just can't handle going through this again....
RockNMetalChic
RockNMetalChic
BUMP......... FOR MY ANDY .....
RockNMetalChic
RockNMetalChic
:( i miss him so much today ! bumping this one last time cause i won't be on over the weekend ................ BUMP !
Hapless
Hapless
As you probably know there is no time limit with grief. It rears itself at odd times. Try embracing your memories with Andy that is when he will be the closest to you now that he is gone. I am sorry you have lost your love but I pray that some day you will come to peace with his passing. Hang in there. Take Care
deleted_user
deleted_user
I lost the love of my life, my soulmate, my heart, and MY HunnyBunny (I couldn't believe you spelled it and capitalized it exactly as we did!) exactly 6 weeks ago. We were to be married this May. The pain is unbearable. I know I'll never be with anyone else ever again and I don't want to be. No one will ever be him and he's the only one I wanted and still want. We waited a LONG time to find each other - we were both 50 - and had only 3 years together. So I will wait for however long it takes until I can be with him again.

Sue
RockNMetalChic
RockNMetalChic
i'm so sorry u are going through this too- 3 years is just not long enough - i am still bitter about all of this- why do some people get a lifetime and we only get 3 years! and now i can't seem to find this love again- everyone says its cause i'm trying to find love- i see all these happy couples around me and i think- if Andy was here we'd be one of those couples too.... i want him back so much even though i know its not possible- i still hope to see him in a crowd and for him to run upto me and say- they made a mistake i'm not dead- i'm here Brandi i'm here....
RockNMetalChic
RockNMetalChic
Bump........ :(
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi Rocknmetal....you are so lucky that you found a love like that. Some of us go our entire life without a love like that. BE thankful for it and know that while the next guy won't be the same, he can meet other needs and fill other holes. My daughters boyfriend is comparing the girls in his life to her too, and getting no where fast. No one will ever be close to filling their shoes, but that doesn't mean someone else cannot make you happy. Give them a chance so you can have as fulfilling a life as possible until you meet again. Take care, Nanoe
RockNMetalChic
RockNMetalChic
got a strange phone call yesterday from ANDY'S number- wasn't him- and they asked had i called there and i said not in years and then they listened til i hung up.... mad me so sad and thought about him......