Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
My dad passed away a month ago. I was there with him when he took his final breaths. It was horrible and I can't get the images out of my mind. In the very end, he kept gasping for air. He had a lung infection and just couldn't kick it. It was hard watching him die, but it was harder watching my mom. They were married for 57 years, and she is so completely lost without him. I am too. To make matters worse, my sister (who is also my boss), told a story during my dad's eulogy about how she "was the only one of his 6 kids to follow in her father's footsteps". (Same career as my dad AND myself). The kicker? I've been her office manager for 17 years, and I do 90% of the same things that she does. We are not a family that fights, bickers, or holds a grudge. She apologized and said she "meant to circle back later and talk about both of us following in our dad's footsteps". However, I just can't seem to move forward. My heart aches and the tears are flowing as I write this note. I'm dealing with the loss of an amazing father, and trying to find forgiveness in my heart for my sister. It was humiliating, and it came at the worst possible time. Even my other siblings looked over at me when she said that, with a look of "WTF?!?".
I'm trying to be there for my mom, because if my heart is completely broken, then I can't begin to imagine what she is going through. This is so unbelievably hard. I want my old life back.
I'm trying to be there for my mom, because if my heart is completely broken, then I can't begin to imagine what she is going through. This is so unbelievably hard. I want my old life back.
Eulogies are hard to give, I"ve done 3 and I hope that they get easier. If I winged it (like I normally do when speaking to a crowd) I could easily have committed an offense like your sister did. I hope that she makes good on her apologies and treats you much better as time passes.
There is another group here called caring for aging parents. Here is a link to it:
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Caring-For-Aging-Parents/support-group
Being there for your mother will be hard, as you have found. That group is good, we have all sorts of experiences. We'd love to have you.
Again I am so sorry for your loss and hope that you get the support you seek.
Gentle hugs
While I agree that your sister's comment was a little backstabby (?), try not to take it personally. It's hard to give a eulogy, especially when it's an immediate family member.
Hugs & Prayers
On the comments by your sister, (take it or leave it, free advice is worth what you paid for it): I would look at the event in context of her usual behavior. if she is usually kind and respectful to you, I would write it off as grief/nerves. If not, I might re-evaluate your relationship with her. If she takes a sudden turn toward the negative from this point forward, ditto.
The rest is a vent, and as such worth little except to me:
I have (had) a sister who has always been a little snarky towards me (probably because I decided at age 29 I decided never to argue with Mom again and we had a great relationship from that day forward while sis continued to have a love/hate relationship with Mom until Mom died) and since Mom died, sis has been just downright evil, so after giving her forgiveness and ample 2nd (and 3rd and 5th) chances, I have written her off. I don't take her calls, and I threw away her "sympathy" card when my daughter died. I don't hold it against her as she is a small person and unlikely to grow, but she is dead to me.
I tried to say something at my sisters funeral, but it was just a mess. I had not planned on talking so it was just me rambling and not saying anything that I wanted too. I wanted to let people know about a side of her they didn't know, but I failed and I do regret it. But try not to let this keep you in a dark place.
You already have a lot going on without stressing about this. I know just what you mean about wanting your old life back. Look how fast your entire life can be turned upside down and changed forever.
I never said stuff like this before, but enjoy your sister while she is here. Mine is gone forever and I wish I had stories about her now, even if I was pissed and complaining about her. I miss her so much.
I know in my heart I should forgive my sister, it's my head that is lagging behind on the forgiveness. There are other things going on at work that aren't helping in the matter. I'm glad I founds this site to share with others and know that I'm not the only one grieving. I think it's hard for friends and co-workers to understand, unless they are going through it at the same time.