Dear Vadar,
I've been just the opposite. I've been getting rid of stuff, just stuff. Material things have such little value to me now. I never lived extravagently before anyway, but now I realize things are just that, things. they can be replaced, people can't. so i'm just the opposite of you. What I've found in myself is how much more I want to help people. Give someone a ride, or hold a door open for somebody, just little things. i may have been that way before, i just notice it more about myself.
Maybe if you found a hobby, an inexpensive hobby it would keep you occupied. i know i went through periods of my life that i spent a lot to try to make myself feel better. but i haven't done that with my sisters death.
Shirley

I did that in the beginning. I was having panic attacks and the shopping was a high for me. But afterwards, I went back to feeling the same and then I would shop again. My suggestion is to keep doing it if it helps and if you have the money to do it. Good Luck!

I did that for a while as well. My wife had been ill some time and money was always tight. Spending was a novelty, an escape of sorts. I agree with mommysw, as long as you are not damaging your finances I wouldn't worry about it. It's probably just a coping mechanism, a phase that will pass.

I did the same thing. I lost my son on Christmas Day 2007. After crying for 6 months, I found myself spending all kinds of money to "thank" people for helping me get thru the grief. I overspent for Christmas 2008. After that, I went back to spending as usual. I think it's all part of the grieving process and not at all unusual. I used to think I was going crazy. No one can tell you how to grieve. Do what you need to do to get thru the pain and survive. If you need to talk, just send a message. love and peace to you.

I found myself doing the same thing after my husband died. It started about 2 months after. When he was alive he had started updating our home built in 1960 but sadly never finished. He had so many unfinished projects. I started spending and trying to finish as many as I could. Then on the 1 year mark of his death the kids and I took a short trip. I have since stopped with everything because I realized this only helped me to feel better for a very short time. It was like trying to fill the emptiness. Non of that could change anything. My daughter, now 21 said that she caught herself doing the same thing. I think you what you have to to get through this pain. As long as it doesn't put you in a bad financial situation then I guess it isn't hurting anyone. So you are not alone.

I had to stop looking at catalogs because I found myself purchasing all kinds of gagets and what nots, so I just tear them up before reading them. So far so good.

Hello Vadar,
As I read your post I had to laugh because I thought I was the only one that was using *retail therapy* as a coping mechanism since my husband passed away 11 weeks ago! No hun... you're not alone and obviously, neither am I! YAY!
Last weekend I had to tell myself that even though my friend and I were going out to eat and then go *shop till we dropped* that there was nothing wrong with *window* shopping instead of really shopping! Even though I did buy a few new things, I did much better this last weekend after I had a talk with myself than I had on previous weekend outtings!

If finances are an issue, then you must find something that will replace the need to fill the void with purchased things... If they're not, set a limit and decrease it as the days go on!

Are you using the food things that you buy or are you finding that you throw half of it out? And are the things for the house decorations? Do they make it out of the bag and are they being used or are there piles of bags filled with stuff? The reason I ask this is, I found that I had bags of clothes and *home decor* things just stacked in my spare bedroom and I cant function in clutter at all... So my *retail therapy* was causing me further stress because now I had grief, sadness, loneliness, and CLUTTER!!

Adding to my earlier post about spending. In the beginning I spent a lot of time at the book stores. I now have an over abundance of books on grief, couping with the loss of spouse, helpng your children with the loss of their father etc. Now I am trying to find places for them. It is starting to create some clutter. Clutter stresses me out. I definately think spending is part of it. It feels some what theraputic for the moment.

Well, I thought it was just me....I too have engaged in retail therapy. I even mentioned it to my counselor who said, when the time comes, you'll see the purpose behind what feels like way too much shopping. Guess it was to hide from the pain. I also think it was something I could do. It didnot make me feel better but I think I couldnot save my wonderful husband but I sure can use that credit card. Like missulance, I also worked this past year on finishing some things we wanted to do. Still doing that, but the pace is slowing.
And I do find lots of things to donate too. There is an abundance of, I don't need this and I do need the space. Or, I need new shelves!
One of our coping mechanism I am thinking...
Susan

to all who have responded thanks.I am having a garage sale to get rid of all of the excess clothes and books.I was told to spend money and i did.I spend money like it was water and now I have got an overabudnance.Now I realize that we need clothes and such.It is not the quality of the clothes...it is the quantity.I dont have a pair of bell bottom jeans because they are going here for 65.00.I remember when jeans were 5.00 but I am an old seasoned goat.I want to help other people now but I have to get back on my feet and the things that I have been giving away,I dont miss them.So try to be on a budget and that means the bus fare and coffee here in seattle.I have made the rent for April and May......once again,you people are super.......vader and the cats.meow.