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When i was 11 years old, my grandfather passed away. I was really close with him. I heard his last breath. I went in there after he had passed away and i saw him laying there with his eyes and mouth open and he was kind of arched back. I remember running out of the room crying, i remember running to my bed and laying down and crying some more. I remember crying myself to sleep that night.
A week before he passed away he called my mom on the other phone line and told her that he thought he was dying. he said to her, " Holly (my mom's name) I think i died, i think im dying." And i think i picked that up from him because when i feel weird or something doesn't feel right with me i always say, I think im dying... the day of the night he died, he was so confused and out of it. He was reaching for the ceiling and saying, "God take me" over and over and i remember running to go get my mom....
I think his death traumatized me and i never fully got over it. Im 22 years old now and i always think im going to die or im dying. I have all these fears of things that can kill me instantly and i think its because his death traumatized me a lot.
Like right now my main fear is having a stroke, and about 10 minuets ago i suddenly got confused and thought i was having a stroke because of it even though i've had this fear for a month and am always feeling confused. I think im so confused though because the past 4 days all i can think about is my grandfather's passing.
I don't know what to do. I keep crying and i cant help it. I miss him so much. And i think his death is the reason i have so much anxiety about death in general. I dont know what to do. I dont want to cry anymore over it. Im lost.
Does anyone have any advice for me on how to deal with this? Does you guys think this is the reason why i fear that im having a stroke or dying all the time? I'm sorry this was so long and i hope this made sense to everyone. I'm sorry if i kind of rambled on, im just struggling right now . :'(
A week before he passed away he called my mom on the other phone line and told her that he thought he was dying. he said to her, " Holly (my mom's name) I think i died, i think im dying." And i think i picked that up from him because when i feel weird or something doesn't feel right with me i always say, I think im dying... the day of the night he died, he was so confused and out of it. He was reaching for the ceiling and saying, "God take me" over and over and i remember running to go get my mom....
I think his death traumatized me and i never fully got over it. Im 22 years old now and i always think im going to die or im dying. I have all these fears of things that can kill me instantly and i think its because his death traumatized me a lot.
Like right now my main fear is having a stroke, and about 10 minuets ago i suddenly got confused and thought i was having a stroke because of it even though i've had this fear for a month and am always feeling confused. I think im so confused though because the past 4 days all i can think about is my grandfather's passing.
I don't know what to do. I keep crying and i cant help it. I miss him so much. And i think his death is the reason i have so much anxiety about death in general. I dont know what to do. I dont want to cry anymore over it. Im lost.
Does anyone have any advice for me on how to deal with this? Does you guys think this is the reason why i fear that im having a stroke or dying all the time? I'm sorry this was so long and i hope this made sense to everyone. I'm sorry if i kind of rambled on, im just struggling right now . :'(
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My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...
You say you feel like you had a stroke, anxiety and fear can make you feel that way.
You saw your grandfather when he was dying and when he when he died, he shed he left his body in spirit form, his body may of been broken and not pretty anymore.
Your grandfather may of been suffering and in pain and he knew where he was going and he called out to God. That is a wonderful thing for you have heard from him.
Your grandfather's spirit is young and handsome again and he is with God. He does not want you to feel fear from his death but to try to understand it in this way.
We all are here for a little while, think of your grandfather on vacation and that you can send him letters (write to him tell him of your fears and anxieties that you feel because of him dying) he will see it. He may not answer you but God will answer you in different ways. It may be just a feeling of Peace (which you so greatly need).
Only on his vacation, he does not want to come back because it is so beautiful there and he is awaiting for you to join him. So he reads your letters. You will one day join him but for now you must live your life as he would like you too. Because we are all here for a reason and when we fulfill that reason, we will all join our loved ones again.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
16 For this reason we never become discouraged. Even though our physical being is gradually decaying, yet our spiritual being is renewed day after day. 17 And this small and temporary trouble we suffer will bring us a tremendous and eternal glory, much greater than the trouble. 18 For we fix our attention, not on things that are seen, but on things that are unseen. What can be seen lasts only for a time, but what cannot be seen lasts forever.
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Vs 18 seen is the dying body (stop dwelling on your grandfather's body). unseen is the renewed spirit (start seeing your grandfather alive in spirit form).
Vs 19 what lasts for a short time (his body) what lasts forever (his spirit).
This means when it is your time to go, you will see him again. I will be praying for you to look that fear in face and conquer it in Jesus name.
My father died when I was ten. In my 20s I had a terrible fear of death, I was a hypochondriac! Your grandfather SAW something, that's why he was reaching for the ceiling. We are never alone, there is another "dimension", a spiritual one, and no one passes out of this world without help from God. Caltex was right, your grandfather saw where he was GOING and I'm here to tell YOU that this is no fairy tale, I would stake my life on this (in fact, I have). God is REAL and He has a plan for your life. FEAR does not come from God. It's VERY unlikely that a 22 year old will have a stroke, the odds must be a million to one (unless you have some physical malfunction of the brain which is HIGHLY unlikely).
I think you need to see a grief counselor or psychotherapist. There's no shame in how you feel, I understand it all too well. I am now almost 65 years old!!! SO all my fears that I would drop dead (and I had them a LONG time, into my 30s) were totally without any basis in reality, and SO ARE YOURS. Don't waste one more minute suffering in silence. Get some help. Ask your parents about this; if you are emancipated and have a small income, you qualify for medicated health insurance. Go to social services and find out if you qualify. Once you have this help, you can find a therapist. Most counties have mental health facilities where there is no payment or a very low co-payment. Perhaps some short term anti-anxiety medication will help you as you talk to your therapist to clear up these fears.
Your grandfather went in spirit to stand before God, as we all will. There's nothing to fear. But NOW: live, love, laugh. Life is short, it seems to be I was 22 just last month lol. I can remember things clearly from my childhood and throughout my lifetime. Before you know it, you'll someday be my age and look back at this time and thank God you got yourself some help so you can LIVE.
With that said, for the longest time, I had a fear of dying and no one to find me. But, through the years have discovered I was doing myself a injustice in worrying about it all of the time.
So with your feelings of having a stroke or anxiety about having one I say take care of yourself as much as you can but don't dwell on it. This is life, anything can happen or nothing at all is a possibilty too. I've come to the philosophy of just dealing with things when they happen and being positive as possible.
Hope this helps! Hugs!