Very long post... Sorry in advance.
I lost my dad to cancer on 17/06/2016. I was a carer and i worked full time to keep a roof over our heads. Over the 7 years he was ill, he nearly died quite few times. He had pneumonia 3 times where we were told he would die, blood transfusions that went wrong, randomly struggling to get breath, coughing up his stent from his lungs etc. When my mom had left and went with another man, I stayed with him and as a result lost contact with my mom as things between my mom and dad were bad. She gave me an ultimatum to go with her or stay with my dad. I stayed with my dad because I couldn't do that to him and he needed me. He was in the hospital when he died suddenly. I watched him scream out in pain and struggle to breathe. He also lost control of all his bodily functions. I watched him take his last breath. He died 2 days before father day. I have carried on with my life best I can, but I have a terrible ache that's always there. I'm convinced a part of myself died that night with him. The pain is so bad sometimes I can't breath. Most of the time now, I permanently feel fed up even though I have a sunny exterior. I hold down a full time job, I have saved some money and I have a rented flat, but because I feel bad everyday I'm constantly exhausted. I have had counselling, exercise, crying, charity work, held a memorial gig event for a band that he was in, but I always feel like I have a knife in my heart.
Does anyone feel the same or really understands the pain? Many people are sympathetic, but they can't understand that I'm in so much pain but I'm always smiling on the outside.
My husband is having more heart related issues. He has CHF (congestive heart failure) and has for 17 years yeah, a pretty long time. CHF issues well, more issues that he normally has, combined with our health being in the toilet and both having chronic kidney disease and me having gout for ALMOST 4 months straight has not been fun to deal with.My kidney function is 38% and hubby's is...
I finally purchased it after years of asking my kids to get it for me. the resulting change in my mood is such a gift. I have so far had nine days in a row without one suicidal thought/push in spite of being in such excruciating physical pain (arthritis/fibro etc). Even if it doesn't last i will treasure this respite. it also has totally cleared up the IBS i was diagnosed with in 2008.also had to...