Bereavement Support Group
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Hi
Very long post... Sorry in advance.
I lost my dad to cancer on 17/06/2016. I was a carer and i worked full time to keep a roof over our heads. Over the 7 years he was ill, he nearly died quite few times. He had pneumonia 3 times where we were told he would die, blood transfusions that went wrong, randomly struggling to get breath, coughing up his stent from his lungs etc. When my mom had left and went with another man, I stayed with him and as a result lost contact with my mom as things between my mom and dad were bad. She gave me an ultimatum to go with her or stay with my dad. I stayed with my dad because I couldn't do that to him and he needed me. He was in the hospital when he died suddenly. I watched him scream out in pain and struggle to breathe. He also lost control of all his bodily functions. I watched him take his last breath. He died 2 days before father day. I have carried on with my life best I can, but I have a terrible ache that's always there. I'm convinced a part of myself died that night with him. The pain is so bad sometimes I can't breath. Most of the time now, I permanently feel fed up even though I have a sunny exterior. I hold down a full time job, I have saved some money and I have a rented flat, but because I feel bad everyday I'm constantly exhausted. I have had counselling, exercise, crying, charity work, held a memorial gig event for a band that he was in, but I always feel like I have a knife in my heart.
Does anyone feel the same or really understands the pain? Many people are sympathetic, but they can't understand that I'm in so much pain but I'm always smiling on the outside.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
You have a very serious story here. I'm sorry for this. See it this way, what has destroyed your emotions is not your fault. There are trails of dishonesty and you are caught in a snare of unresolved feelings. People you trusted let you down. And I don't imagine that your dad is responsible, because you really gave your best efforts to help him, and the process of help was long and exhausting. I imagine that your feelings are in a "payback" status, and this is where your own feelings are working against you, sort of what's tiring you out emotionally. Your emotions are full of shock, agony, and you are still sharing in the pain your father suffered through his own heartaches and his illness, or thoughts of his illness, linger in your mind way too often.
You tell that you are actively in therapy. I'd say give yourself more time to adjust to treatment. And even changing up your treatment team may be a good idea. Sometimes a different therapist will have a fresh list of techniques, so let this idea be an option to you. Begin to analyze your own perception of what your needs are, and if there are objectionable reactions to what your therapist is using, and you are still not getting a positive change, then it's time for the patient to make a new move. You deserve your money's worth.
I do hope the best for you. Much love and hugs. Be blessed.
I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. Just like you, I saw my Mom catching her last breath before she passed away. It’s painful to lose someone we truly loved. My mother passed away in 2013 and until now, I still cry whenever I miss her especially on special occasions. My life group had been a big part of my grieving process. Their presence and encouragement helped me to be uplifted and feel less lonely.
Give yourself time to grieve. It may be painful but it is necessary for you to heal. It’s good to hear that you have counselling and you are doing your part to get better. Please stay strong.
I pray for peace and strength you need each day to keep going. God bless.
Just know that there are others (myself included) who understand what you're going through and I hope that with time your pain will subside. I know you'll always miss your dad, but I do hope that the intensity of the pain will lessen. God bless you.
I care for both of my folks in their last years and both of them were really sick before they passed... My mom had Alzheimer's and I did my dad's palliative care at home
You feel like your heart's being ripped out or at least that's how I felt
I do think that some things change us forever however we should also be moving forward with our grief.....
Where I once felt only pain and grief I can now laugh at some of the times that we shared and feel incredibly grateful
It sounds like perhaps? the grief has triggered depression Beckay….. I would see your family doctor and discuss this
Medication can help for depression..... Have you been in a RL bereavement group?
I would also consider cognitive therapy.... It might really help you a great deal
From what you've written here you're lumping years of your life together and everything that's gone wrong in those years and it's become overwhelming....
It's called catastrophizing …. A cognitive type of therapy can help you to break that down into something that can help you
Your father's muscles relaxed at the end..... That's why he lost his functioning..... He's not in pain now
I don't think our loved ones are too far away at all but that's my belief..... Your dad wouldn't want you to live in this pain sweetie
Gentle hug and a blessing....xo