Bereavement Support Group

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vader 03/12/2011

The doctor told me to go out more and not spend so much time in the house.He claims that I can make new friends and friends after 60 is very difficult.But i did have a date and it was a disaster and i can see why many widows and widowers second marriage do not last.He was a very nice man.He dressed nice and he sang in barbershop quartet.He could speak of many subjects and spoke French and Italian..but no man I am sorry can at this time take the place of Brad and he was looking for someone also.His wife died of cancer after being married for 35 years.She did everything and this guy doesnt even know how to run a microwave or cook.She also took care of the house.Well, the house is a mess.The dishes are piled in the sink high.There were clothes piled on the floor.I dont think he even knows how to run the washer and dryer.And the food in the fridge was old.Could it be he is going thru a depression? He does make a very good pot of coffee,but on this occasion he made Earl Grey tea.I personally dont like tea at all,but when I do i take my tea black.He put lemons in the tea and then he put milk! What a turn off! I could not drink it all.It looked like water.The desert was chocolate chip cookies and i felt like I was back in grade school,I mean this guy worked in a lab during his working life and I felt this was unnessary.He did not talk about current events.He did not talk about music or what he likes.He talked about his late wife and the cost of the treatments while he described it to me and hearing about it made me more depressed.Apparently this mans wife was more outgoing then he was and he did not want to be bothered to learn social skills.He was an introvert and this is bad.Men,please do yourself a favor learn the art of conversation.Have a hobby.Learn a sport and learn the art of communication.Talking about illness and talking about money isnt my idea of a date and wearing your exwifes ashes around your neck shows love as i wear Brads when ever I can,,but this grief is consuming me.The date was a diseaster and i dont want to date again.My feelings are hurt.I dont know what else to do.Is there any advice for me?

shur1 03/12/2011

vader I am so glad that you decided to venture out a bit even though this date seemed to be a disaster for you it was also a success you tested the waters out and learned a great deal from this man you saw that he is lonely,very much lacking in communication skills but he himself is trying to overcome his loneliness too. It takes much patience and acceptance when meeting someone who does not measure up to what we are looking for but there is always something good in someone after all you did think he made a good pot of coffee? and that is something to be good about and most of all you got your feet wet if only for a few hours i am proud of you vader it was a huge step for you all these things are little victories in which to build on this man probably learned a great deal from encountering you too he probably learned that he needs to work on his communications skills and not to ask someone over without cleaning up the house first. No task is a disaster vader just a stepping stone in which to build on.......................

god bless you vader

AFWC 03/12/2011

Good for you for testing the waters! Maybe if nothing else, you've made a new friend. I have some fabulous blind date disaster stories to share : ) The important thing is.... You did it! Consider it brushing up on your own dating skills : ) For when the right man comes along!

Proud of you for getting out there! Don't let this one date scare you back in. : )

deleted_user 03/13/2011

I have to agree with others here.. be very proud of yourself that at least you got out there and tried. Don't let one bad "date" get you down..there are plenty of people out there willing to just be your friend. HANG IN THERE!

vader 03/13/2011

to all who replied I want to say thank you.It is hard to anyone over 60 to get a date in seattle.The movie stars have it easy.They can get anyone and anybody but ordinary working day people cant and the ones out there well.This man was very nice.But he wasnt much of a housekeeper.(neither am I) .But he should know how to cook.(even if its hamburger).The widowers in seattle are looking for housekeepers and i clean my own house,not some one elses.Men should learn to clean the house and to do ordinary things because if a wife does suddenly pass...they wont be so overwhelmed.He was a very nice man.Very clean.But he hasnt called and i think he may never see me again.Thanks for all who answered.Vader and the cats.

shur1 03/13/2011

Its ok vader i am still proud of you................................
next time meet them at a restaurant instead than that way you don't have to look at how they live you are free to enjoy their company instead take heart vader the next one will be better.

deleted_user 03/13/2011

Hi Vader! Nice to meet you & thanks for sharing.

You get major credit for going out on a date! And, major credit, for knowing that you do not want to base a new relationship on being a person's maid, grieft counselor or life coach!

Sounds to me like you are taking great care of you by knowing what you want and what works for you!

koolman 03/13/2011

Try to cut the guy some slack! No one's perfect, not even you. If you want your tea a certain way, tell him (!).

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