My name is Nikki & I truly felt for you when I read your post. See.. I lost my husband to an accidental overdose in 2007 & that's when I began cutting myself. I thought that maybe it would help you to know why I did it.. maybe that would ease your mind. I started cutting myself out of deep depression and a feeling of being out of control. Like I had no control over my life or anything in it. I blamed myself for my husbands death.. for not being able to save him when I did CPR. Over time it progressed to me cutting whenever I felt out of control in any situation! It was a way to take this numb feeling & actually be able to feel again through the pain! I know.. it probably sounds totally crazy, but that's how it is, at least for me. I can't say for sure of course, but I truly don't think that your son started cutting himself because of anything that you did or said. He was probably just feeling out of control in his life and was looking for a release, which is what we get from the cutting. Most of us don't do it with the intention of killing ourselves either. Most people give themselves superficial cuts. Of course there are those who are suicidal and will cut themselves badly, but the majority of us aren't doing it for that purpose. We just need to FEEL again when our minds are racing and our lives are spinning out of our control. I hope this helps to ease your mind some or to shed some light on the situation for you. Feel free to message me if you ever need to talk. I'm always here for anyone who needs an ear!
Nikki

if i was you i would commit your son to a behavoral health center for kids that are suicidal or hurting them self it helps them get stable and teaches them to be able to communicate and talk about what is bothering them instead of bottling it up tell they cut them selves and each time he cuts he is getting closer to the artery that may kill him let him get help and get on some medication that will help him and stableize him before it is to late and maybe then you and your son can talk and help heal the pain of the loss of your husband and his dad i send my love and understanding i understand the depression i have been there and done that many times over the death of a loved one protect your son and it will give you peace of mind knowing he is ok but right now you are not able to help yourself deal with the pain so how are you going to help your son have you thought of counciling for you both just a couple of thoughts for you to think about your friend lauri43

Vaders is talking about her deceased boyfriend. His name was Brad.
he was not her son.

I wanted to add that research shows that the majority of cutters have sexual abuse in their life at some time and this is a way of having control over what they did not or do not.

I also wanted to add that Brad was much older than the normal cutter. I believe he was in his 50's or 60's? Most cutters are teens and those in their early 20's,

Was he a cutter in his younger years and returned to it?

to all who responded.Thank you.Brads cutting began after the death of his father in 2004.He never got over it and I am partly to blame.My brother died the same year and i had to go back to New York for the funeral.Brad never lived to be alone and he always wanted me to be there.Cutting was a way to relive his pain and I am so unhappy that I havent seen these signs sooner,for my Brad would be alive and now I celebrate the 2nd anniversary of May his death.Thanks to all who responded.Vader.

The issue is finding a healthier way to deal with emotional pain. The cutter replaces emotional pain with physical pain. There are healthier ways to do this!!!

I like to shred my muscles by working out hard in the gym. The physical pain caused by resisting weight is way stronger than whatever emotional pain I happen to be in, and the results actually lead to a healthier me! But I'm in my 40s.

I agree, doing this is a need to control something within one's self when one and the world around one seems so out of control. When my world is out-of-control, my own body and what it feels, what it needs, is the one thing I CAN control, bring order, structure, stability, to. The body is an amazing machine. Give it what it wants and needs and it responds wonderfully. Healthy body, healthy mind, heart and soul.

You must never blame yourself for another's actions. A former girlfriend was a cutter and it stemmed back to a pervious boyfriend who raped and otherwise physically abused her. She was beyond my help and needed psychotherapy because she would not talk much of it to me. I had to learn from her sister. If you nagged him it had absolutely nothing to do with him cutting, he was apparently predisposed to it by something or several events that happened before your lives joined. I wish you strength and healing in your difficult time. God bless you.
James

After my boyfriend died, i was feeling numb and i would hold a knife up to my skin and press hard. I could not go all the way to cut my self because i did not want to leave a mark that someone would see. but it was enough to feel the pain. at that point i just wanted to feel again and feeling pain was enough.

Well for me after my mom passed, i changed, total 360. I was so lost and depressed. I started to cut because i couldn't the pain in my heart. I needed to let the pain out. I cut for a while, but have gained control and i am able to not cut. I still do have temptations but none that were as bad as when i first cut. I cant say if cutting helped me or not, but it stopped me from doing something else.