Hi. I've been on here several months b/c of the suicide of my stepson in Nov.2010. There's another forum "friends of suicide survivors" or something like that that's for people like us who have lost our loved ones to suicide. Click on the "F" and it's like the first group.

Wow. It's really early for you. I imagine you're still in shock. That lasts a good long while. Especially since you're the one who found your friend. Alot of people say joining a group for suicide survivors helps. But, if you're like me and live in a small town there isn't any such thing.

Just know there are many, many people who have gone through what you are going through. I don't know if it's permitted here, but I also log on to "the alliance of hope-suvivivors of suicide". It is a really good place and the feedback is much quicker than here. Many more people respond.

Take care, okay.

hi thanks for the comment. i just need sleep but my mind wont let me :(

This is a severe trauma, psychological and emotional. Don't do it alone. There are cognitive behavioral methods to deal with the "movie" of events in our minds and you can learn them from a qualified psychotherapist. You're in shock, rightfully so. Find medical support immediately. Don't worry about being 'locked up', they won't do that! They'll help you find a medication to get you through these first few months and therapy will help you keep it in perspective. Remember: YOU are not in any way to blame. People who take their lives are in extreme pain, a pain we can't begin to understand. It is an act of escape, not from life but from emotional and psychological torment. VERY OFTEN people who suffer mental illness DO NOT ADMIT IT and DO NOT TELL OTHERS, they may even appear "normal" and at times "happy" (especially once they've made the decision to end their suffering). This God provides for in His mercy. Find medical support to deal with the after effects of this dreadful experience. God bless you.

Thank you. I wish he would have talked to me I would have tried to help :(

Gentle hugs for you sweetheart. You are in no way to blame for this - I doubt if you could have stopped it. Once a person in that state makes the decision, that is the time when he is quietest. Death of a loved one is hard, suicide is, if possible, harder. You have been given good advice - to seek professional help to work through the trauma. Don't expect yourself to manage without help. Support is helpful, but you need a little more. Peace be with you, dear. Allow yourself to grieve - don't even think about "being strong" We are here for you. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thats the thing i cant cry right now, i dont want to cry in front of people, i dont want hugs, i dont want to be fussed over, more than anything i want them to leave me alone